


Take Me Away From Myself

by dirkygoodness



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anakin killed her, Anakin still has his pretty face, Anakin's redemption fic that no one asked for, And so are the remaining Jedi, Angst, Battle on Mustafar, Canon Disabled Character, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Force Visions, Hurt/Comfort, Illnesses, M/M, Mental Instability, Obi-Wan saves Anakin on Mustafar, Padme is dead, Palpatine is coming after them, Questionable Ways To Start Relationships, Recreational Drug Use, Redemption, Seriously Anakin gets stoned, Slow Burn, Un-Burnt Anakin, and he technically kidnaps him, but he doesn't have any limbs, force inhibitors, no one ever said kidnapping would be easy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-04
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2018-05-31 04:48:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 32
Words: 56,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6456520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dirkygoodness/pseuds/dirkygoodness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He wanted desperately for none of this to have even happened. Yet, he wasn't stupid, and simply wishing it away wouldn't make it be different. </p><p>And yet he couldn't stop himself. Wet, cold tears burned clean streaks through the soot and grime on his face as he stared on. All of this, everything that had happened was wrong. Painfully so – Anakin was the Chosen One, he was supposed to save them. </p><p>And yet, here they were, a Sith and a Jedi, so heart breakingly similar in all the wrong ways. </p><p> </p><p>-----------------</p><p> </p><p>Obi-Wan can't leave Anakin to burn on Mustafar, but taking him and fleeing might not have been the best idea either. Anakin struggles between himself, between Vader and Anakin, all the while Obi-Wan tries to keep Anakin out of Palpatine's hands.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Burn The Hate Away

**Author's Note:**

> this is an excuse to write more Obikin fic and no one can stop me ( also I thought there ought to be a fic where Obi-Wan doesn't let Anakin burn and saves him)
> 
> I'm probably going to update this between when I update my big Supernatural fanfic - but I'll probably miss a bunch of update anyway so I'm not makin a schedule xD
> 
> Sorry for inconveniences, misspellings, and any other mistakes I tried to fix as much as I could.

Heat, and flame, burning liquid molten around him as his life fell apart before his feet. Obi-Wan's heart felt like it had been ripped from his chest and shattered on the ground he stood on now, and as he watched Anakin crawl towards him he couldn't help the nauseating swell of betrayal that swelled inside him. He felt angry, and rightfully so, and a dark part of his mind was screaming to finish it, finish Anakin.

Better stop all of this now, then ever let it get any further. But the rest of him, the part that made him who he was, the part that was Jedi reeled from that idea like it was burning him. No matter how better off the world might be, or, even, how better he might be he couldn't bring himself to do it. Obi-Wan, no matter how strong he really was, he couldn't kill Anakin. He couldn't walk down the short distance and finally put an end to what had started a massacre.

But he couldn't just let him go. Not after what he had done, not after who he killed. Obi-Wan was at an impasse that would chance the course of history forever. What he did now may change everything, or nothing. He wanted desperately for none of this to have even happened. Yet, he wasn't stupid, and simply wishing it away wouldn't make it be different. And yet he couldn't stop himself.

Wet, cold tears burned clean streaks through the soot and grime on his face as he stared on. All of this, everything that had happened was wrong. Painfully so – Anakin was the Chosen One, he was supposed to save them.

And yet, here they were, a Sith and a Jedi, so heart breakingly similar in all the wrong ways. Obi-Wan didn't paint himself a hero, but now, for once in his life he finally understood the term 'tragic hero' – knew the burning pain of what it truly meant. Obi-Wan doesn't even have anyone to blame. Yes, Palpatine was the puppeteer behind all of this but truly, it was Obi-Wan, who had let down his former Padawan.

 _He_ had let down Anakin, and by doing so had given Palpatine the room needed to corrupt him. Obi-Wan sucked in a sharp, tearful breath and he forced his eyes away from the scene before him. He couldn't stand to see Anakin like this, his eyes – oh, his eyes, so disgustingly yellow that it sickened him. If he hadn't believed anything else that he'd seen, those eyes had secured it for him in an instant. You couldn't fake that, fake _those_.

So different, they were, from his normal crystal blues. Obi-Wan had always loved Anakin's eyes, how clear and innocent they looked. Even when he was mad, Anakin still looked good, at heart. But now there was the sickly yellow, and nothing more. Obi-Wan's heart ached for Anakin, for who he had been and who he should still be – and it made him want to weep. He had been trusted with Anakin his entire life, had had a duty.

He was supposed to protect him, and yet he had just cut off his remaining limbs. Obi-Wan doubted very much that that counted as protection.That thought brought a vile taste to his mouth and he had to clench his jaw against it. Then, as if just to spite him, Anakin let out a pained howl that had Obi-Wan looking back down on him from sheer habit alone.

Before him, Anakin lay, and he screamed as fire erupted on what remained of his legs from the lava, setting his clothing on fire. Obi-Wan's eyes widened, his mouth dropping open in shock and fear as he heard and saw Anakin's pain. He was startled into momentary paralysis, blinking at the screams Anakin let out. Then a dark cloud entered Obi-Wan's mind.

 _Let him be,_ Obi-Wan thinks, _leave him here. You aren't killing him, and even if you are it's better than doing it with your own two hands. Just let this end now and everything will finally be over._ Obi-Wan moved, his body aching to flee and leave this monster wearing Anakin's face here to die by fire – but... he can't.

He can't leave him to this fate. Obi-Wan moved, so fast and instinctual it startled him, and he pressed with the Force and in an instant the fire upon Anakin's body died down into harmless smoke. And in the same second, Obi-Wan moved down, to Anakin, and pulled his former apprentice up into his arms and away from the flames, even as Anakin cried out in pain and tried uselessly to fight Obi-Wan away.

Obi-Wan knew this was wrong, this was a bad idea but he couldn't stop himself as he carried Anakin away from his certain death and to higher ground. He wouldn't – couldn't – let Anakin die. Even now, when any other Jedi would – even against everything they had been taught. Obi-Wan wasn't sure he could blame them. 

“Let me go, you bastard!” Anakin screams out, choked past his pain because, as it always was, Anakin's anger was stronger than any other emotion he ever had. It almost brings a smile to Obi-Wan's lips, that thought, but it never quite reaches them. Instead, he pushes onward, towards his ship and safety. He ignores the curses and slurs that Anakin throws his way, ignores the way his metal hand digs into the flesh of his arm or his neck as Anakin still tries to take him down.

 _Oh what loyalty he has to the Sith, to continue fighting even now,_ Obi-Wan thinks darkly, but he forces that out of his head a second later. He can worry about how broken he has become after the imminent threat of possible death is gone. Now that he's got Anakin, he's not sure what to do – what he needs to do to protect him. To keep him out of Palpatine's reach.

Obi-Wan can't go to the Council – or, rather, whatever is left of them. They would surly banish Anakin or worse, sentience him to death. All Obi-Wan has at his disposal is a ship, his 'saber, and his mind. It's not much to go on – but he's going to have to make do.

Suddenly, a jolt goes through him as he senses a dark cloud nearing them – _Palpatine_. He's on a ship, coming quickly, most likely trying to reach Anakin.

 _Shit_. This is bad. Obi-Wan looks around, up at the sky, scanning for any sign of the ship. Thankfully, it's too far out to see yet – and that means it's not in rage quite yet. He still has time. He can still save Anakin, save himself. Obi-Wan starts up again, practically running towards his ship.

He doesn't feel like fighting two Sith in one day. In his arms, Anakin laughs, throaty and dark. Obi-Wan doesn't look down at him as he speaks, but he can tell the other is smirking.

“He's coming to get you.” Anakin slurs out, and a sharp bite of worry shoots through Obi-Wan. Anakin must be passing out, from the pain, or maybe – he can't be dying. Yes, his wounds are severe, but not enough for death. At least, not yet.

 _If he gets an infection, then he might_ , Obi-Wan thinks. And it startles him, that he still wants Anakin to be safe. To be alive, after everything that's happened. He should want him dead, or want him to suffer, but he can't bring those thoughts to his head. Over the initial betrayal, Obi-Wan still feels unchanging devotion to the man in his arms. It makes something in his chest hurt, so he ignores it.

He stumbles some, grunting as he almost crashes to the ground and sends them back to the fire behind them. Anakin lets out a pained scream as Obi-Wan jolts him, his head falling back and eyes scrunched up in agony. This only spurs him on, and he can't help the relief that floods him as he sees his ship in his sights. His arms burn from fighting like he did, from carrying Anakin like he is now, but he doesn't pause or stop to rest.

He can't afford to, not now, when he can feel the Emperor closing in on their location. He presses gently with the Force, looking for Palpatine and is rewarded with a slightly more potent, yet still blessedly distant darkness that is Palpatine. Obi-Wan figures he's got another five, ten minutes before Palpatine is landing on Mustafar.

He still has time to try and save them – but he's quickly running out of it. He needs to be fast, needs to take off as soon as possible. So he speeds up, determined to not let anything slow him down now. Just as he reaches the platform though, Obi-Wan stumbles as he spots the body of Padme laying lifeless on the ground. He'd forgotten, for a moment, about her.

Bile, again, rises in his throat and he has to force himself to walk around her body and to the ship. _There's nothing you can do now,_ Obi-Wan tells himself, _she's dead._ It doesn't help, not in the slightest, but he doesn't stop to get her. He can't. He hopes that she'll forgive him.

As he's boarding the ship, a groan escapes from Anakin, and Obi-Wan risks a glance at him. Instantly he regrets it. Anakin's face is scrunched in agony, but his eyes, still yellow, are glassy and clouded with barely there consciousness. His face, normally a dark tan is so white he looks almost like snow – and the image that sends is heartbreaking. It's ironic, that Anakin looks so pale here, among so much fire. Surely he should melt. Again, Anakin groans, and he pinches at Obi-Wan's shoulder again. But this time it's light, and that worries Obi-Wan more than anything.

“ 'S painful.” Anakin breaths out, so quiet Obi-Wan almost misses it. He freezes, his eyes locked on the man in his arms. There is a sudden, overwhelming sense of love for Anakin that has Obi-Wan letting out a sob once again. He shutters, his arms shaking so hard he almost drops Anakin but he manages to stop himself at the last moment.

Obi-Wan can't stop now, can't let his emotions in right now, and he breathes in sharply through his nose as he locks his shoulders once again and uses the Force to keep his emotions at bay. He needs to get out of here. Obi-Wan moves, shutting the ship's door with the Force as he makes a beeline for the med-table. He sets Anakin down on it, the Sith groaning in protest but he's too weak now to fight or try and flee.

Obi-Wan calls out a medical droid, and gives it brief instructions on treating Anakin before he's at the helm of the ship, prepping it for take off. Constantly, as he works, Obi-Wan's eyes are scanning the aria before him – the vast lakes of molten gold in search for hostile enemies.

All the while Palpatine is getting closer, and the amount of sheer darkness on that man is almost suffocating – even from this distance. Obi-Wan thinks now, bitterly, that he's surprised he ever missed it before.

Missed all this dark energy, this savage, vile anger that courses through the other man. He wants to press harder, to see more into what Palpatine is thinking or doing now but he pulls himself back before he does. Obi-Wan can't risk that – can't risk Palpatine knowing he was looking. Instead Obi-Wan forces himself to work the controls, forces himself to thin about nothing but his task at hand.

 _Get off of Mustafar_ , _fly the ship, keep Anakin away from Palpatine_. As much as Obi-Wan despises this, he can't let something so small as a distaste for flight to stop him. Escaping alive is too important to risk on that alone.

So Obi-Wan sits down, his eyes locked on the burning hellscape before him, and he makes himself fly the damn thing.

 


	2. Collar For The Hound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HOO two updates in two days??? what is this, am I trying to be productive??

By the time Obi-Wan pushed himself away from the ships controls his eyes were drooping, and his back burned from the rigid position he had kept himself in. He should have let himself out of this sooner, but he hadn't thought he was safe. Not with how close they had come to running into the Emperor, or how close they were to their ship being spotted by him.

They had flow just under him, hidden by the smoke of the fires below, just barely masked from the Emperors' eye. But Obi-Wan had persisted and flown them away from him, and he doubted that Palpatine had even noticed him pass by. Then again, anything was possible, and Obi-Wan didn't trust himself enough anymore to make assumptions like that.

Yet he did trust the sensors on the ship, which told him that they were not, in fact, being trailed by any enemy ship or, for that matter, any ship at all. He stretched, rolling his shoulders back carefully, attempting to alleviate some of the pain. No matter how hard his back hurt now, Obi-Wan couldn't let himself rest. He needed to think – of so many things, but first he needed to figure out where they were going.

Obi-Wan had set his course to a deserted planted somewhere close, but far enough away to give him a heads up if Palpatine tracked them. But as it was deserted, there would be no aid and Obi-Wan wasn't sure how he was going to pull this off. He hadn't thought, hadn't even considered getting this far. One step at a time. But now that he was here, he was racking his brain for some way of contacting the Jedi's – if any were still alive.

He didn't know the extent of Palpatine's wrath, couldn't fathom it anymore than he could with the rest of what had happened. But he needed to know who was alive, where their allegiances lied, and if it was safe to bring Anakin to them. He wasn't going to risk the other's death again, even if he was a Sith. _It doesn't matter what he is,_ Obi-Wan thought, _it doesn't change who he is to me._ He was still Anakin, even after what he had done.

He just got a little lost, somewhere within himself and Palpatine's lies. Obi-Wan ran a hand down his face, groaning softly. What he needed right now was to sit down and meditate, sort out his thoughts and actions over the last hours.

Yet Obi-Wan didn't, instead once again used the Force to lock those thoughts up long enough for him to get his job done. Now that they were relatively safe from – well, everything, Obi-Wan needed to check on Anakin. His chest tightened in fear and anticipation as he stood, his eyes trailing over in the direction of the Sith. Anakin's condition had been unwanted, though he hadn't been dying – so that was a bonus.

Yet he still had fought against Obi-Wan, the entire way back to the ship. Even when they were on board, he only reason Anakin had stopped was because he'd been to weak to do anything else. Obi-Wan half expected Anakin to be unconscious when he went in there, and half expected him to be screaming and throwing things around the room angrily.

Anakin had always been resilient, always ready to get back up and fight even when he shouldn't. Hell, it was probably one of the most _Anakin_ things about the other man. It made Anakin, Anakin. Obi-Wan almost wanted him to be awake. To see the spark of energy still burning away in Anakin, even if it wasn't for the right cause.

That meant he was still alive, and that, maybe, deep down, what was left of his former Padawan was still there. Yet, when Obi-Wan stepped quietly into the room Anakin was silent, unmoving on the med-table as the medical droid was busy dressing his wounds.

Anakin's clothes had been cut away, and he was now dressed in a rolled up surgical gown. Like this, Obi-Wan could see the extent of the damage he'd inflicted and it made him want to vomit.

As always, there were cleanly sliced wounds on Anakin, his legs and arm already cauterized from the 'saber. They were dark, charred, and around them the skin was red and inflamed. Even as the medical droid cleaned them, they still looked dirty and horrid, causing Obi-Wan to turn away. This was his fault, all of this. He should have done something. Anything. Been there for Anakin.

_Something_. But he hadn't, and he'd cut off Anakin's limbs. He hadn't even thought about it when he'd done it – he'd just struck, focused on self defense. He could still hear Anakin's pained scream as he rolled down the hill, his body parts dropping heavily to the ground around Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan had been horrified by himself as soon as it happened, but there wasn't anything he could do to change it. Even though he'd done it needlessly, even though he hadn't had to cause Anakin this kind of pain. He had done it, anyway.

“Master Jedi.” The droid called out to him, snapping Obi-Wan out of his musings and he turned around, eyes wet. The droid was looking at him expectantly.

“I-I'm sorry, what?” Obi-Wan asked, clearing his throat carefully. The droid gestured to Anakin.

“I'm done dressing his wounds.” The robot said. “And I would like to inform you on his current situation.”

“G-Go ahead.” Obi-Wan nodded, crossing his arms over his chest for something to do. The droid nodded, now turning fully to the small form of Anakin where it lay on the table. How small he looked now, without his legs. He was almost as small as he had been, as a child.

“Master Skywalker has extensive bruising across his body, mostly focused across his lower back and shoulders. In addition, as I am certain you can see, his limbs have been severed and cauterized, most likely by a lightsaber. Lastly, there are second degree burns spanning three inches up from the ending of his remaining legs. Due to the condition of his situation, I have administered sedatives and pain medication, however I believe that there will still be some pain when he awakens.”

Obi-Wan nodded along with the droid's words, and when it finished he sucked in a breath, closing his eyes. At least he'd managed to put out the fire before there had been some permanent damage. Beyond what he'd already done. _Calm yourself, Obi-Wan._ He told himself sharply, before he once again opened his eyes and looked on to the droid. He nodded again. 

“How long will he sleep?” Obi-Wan asked, and the droid moved to the top of the table. The droid seemed to be calculating inside it's head, and after a moment it beeped at him.

“Five to six hours, however possibly longer as he fainted shortly after you left. The pain seems to be affecting him.” Obi-Wan agreed. Though he hadn't expected Anakin to fall unconscious, he knew how weak Anakin had started to act just as he managed to get him onto the ship. He wasn't stupid.

If Anakin was in too much pain, then he was going to stay under for a while more. Suddenly, a thought occurred to Obi-Wan that had him freezing. Once Anakin woke up, whether or not he was physically going to be able to flee, he would once again have access to the Force. _He could easily kill me, if he wanted to_. Obi-Wan thought morbidly, with a spike of fear as he looked down on his former apprentice. He had three options here.

He could keep Anakin under until he thought he was, somehow, safer from his powers, he could wake Anakin and hope for the best, or... he could use a Force Inhibitor on him, effectively cutting of his access to the Force. _It would feel like drowning, like dying,_ Obi-Wan's mind supplied for him.

Thought wouldn't that be better then actually dying? Obi-Wan sighed roughly, shaking his head. He was reluctant, but he wasn't going to risk the other two options. He _couldn't_. His only real choice, really, was this. But even after what Anakin had done, Obi-Wan would never wish this upon him.

It was horrible, sometimes maddening for someone as Force Sensitive as Anakin was. Hell, Obi-Wan guessed it'd be torture for him. But he didn't have a choice. With a deep breath and a light tug on the Force for calm, Obi-Wan moved over to the other side of the room and opened a compartment. It wasn't standard, to keep these around, but Obi-Wan had grabbed one when all of this, this chaos, had originally started.

_Just in case_ , he'd told himself. He hadn't actually thought he'd be using it. It was a thick, black collar similar to that of a slaving collar, yet unlike those it didn't have a hook for a chain. Yet it still caused a spike of shame to wash through Obi-Wan, at the thought of putting one of these on Ankin.

Of how similar it looked. But he shut the compartment before he could think too hard about it, and walked back over to the table. There was no way Anakin would be able to take this off. The only thing that removed it was usage of the Force, and with Anakin out like this, with him wearing the Force Inhibitor it would effectively cause him to be unable to remove it by himself. Obi-Wan moved Anakin's head, gently, and carefully slipped the collar behind his neck.

It fit perfectly, with enough wiggle room to not chafe or cause discomfort against the flesh of Anakin's neck. Obi-Wan pulled the two sides together, and with a gentle push locked them into place with the Force. Almost instantly Anakin's Force Signature disappeared and the bond between he and Anakin screamed out in loss.

Obi-Wan gasped, his hands gripping the edge of the table to purchase as his mind reeled from the apparent loss of Anakin's life – even though he knew he wasn't dead, it still felt wrong, like he was just suddenly gone, and he couldn't stop himself as his fingers sought out the pulse point on Anakin's neck. When the gentle thump of blood, of his heart moving, was felt Obi-Wan let out a deep breath he hadn't known he was holding.

Again, he felt the strange twinge of confusion that he still wanted the best for Anakin. That he felt _wrong_ at the thought that he was dead. Obi-Wan doubted, as he thought about it, that he could ever have killed him. Even when he'd thought about it, it was just a thought. He never would have acted on it. The medical droid beeped at him.

“I see you have issued a Force Inhibitor to Master Skywalker. This could cause complications when he awakens. Removing the collar might be wise, Master Keno-”

“I know what it can do,” Obi-Wan snapped, anger creeping up on him fast. “and I appreciate your concern, but I can't risk removing this. It's going to have to stay.”

“Very well.” The droid hums out, and Obi-Wan feels momentarily guilty for snapping at the droid. But almost like it never happened, the droid continues. “In that case, I believe my services have reached their limit.”

“Yes, yes, alright. You may go.” Obi-Wan said with a wave of his hand, his free one running through his hair roughly. The droid beeped again, before shutting itself down. Then silence encroached, the only sound the soft, yet ragged breathing of Anakin and himself. Obi-Wan looked at Anakin's face, now clean from the droid's careful hand.

It was almost like nothing happened, if he looked at nothing but his face. Like just behind those eyes there wasn't the sharp, sickly yellow of the Sith and that the fight between them didn't happen, as long as Obi-Wan kept his eyes away from Anakin's body.

Without thinking Obi-Wan reached out his hand, his fingers ghosting over the curve of Anakin's cheek. Again, Obi-Wan's heart ached for Anakin, and he had to force himself to remove his hand. 

“Oh, Anakin.” Obi-Wan sighed, squeezing his eyes closed against the threatening tears. “What have you gotten yourself into.”

 


	3. Just A Duty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i should have updated this sooner today but i didnt get the chance to - but at least it's not tomorrow yet xD

Five to six hours was more than enough time for Obi-Wan to safely get them landed on their designated planet. It probably even left him some time to search the aria around where they would land, make sure it was safe before Anakin woke up. He didn't want anyone, any civilian to come near and certainly not any Sith. He needed to get back to piloting, whether or not the ship was on auto pilot. But Obi-Wan couldn't make himself move.

Couldn't stop looking down at Anakin, at his peaceful face as he slept soundly. Yes, it was a drugged sleep, but it was not unpleasant all the same. The ship, now on auto pilot, would probably manage to get them close enough for Obi-Wan to land by itself, yet Obi-Wan worried. What if Palpatine, or one of his consorts managed to catch up on them? Obi-Wan was not Anakin, he didn't have the wonderfully tricky moves to outwit his other flying opponents.

He'd probably be lucky to keep them alive. He couldn't afford to let someone catch up to them. And yet, he was unable to move, paralyzed simply by how Anakin looked, now. Nostalgia, Obi-Wan supposed, was what was keeping him here. He didn't know how long Anakin would look like this, after he woke, or if he ever would again. Obi-Wan was afraid to lose him, even now, after he already had. It was foolish, but he couldn't help it.

Obi-Wan had, for the most part, been able to keep his emotions at bay long enough for the immediate danger to pass so he could assess them safely. He had always taught Anakin to control his emotions, to calm himself when needed. Now Obi-Wan could feel the temptation of an anguished scream trying to climb it's way out of his lungs from the sheer intensity of what he was feeling now.

Betrayal, loss, grief, helplessness, sadness, anger - all swirling around his mind, snapping at each other for priority. Obi-Wan startled as Anakin sighed in his sleep, his head turning towards Obi-Wan, golden locks falling down onto his face. Fingertips suddenly itched with the urge to touch, to caress, or to move the hair from Anakin's face and Obi-Wan clenched his fist against those thoughts. He was no longer the helpless child needing guidance.

Anakin was a fully grown man, and he had made his choice. He had betrayed the Jedi, of his own free will – coercion or no. The sooner Obi-Wan managed to get that in his head, the better. Obi-Wan might have a code, might still want Anakin alive, but that didn't mean Anakin felt the same. _He's given up the Jedi for a Sith as a master._ It stung like a slap to the face, the truth behind his own thoughts, and that was enough to spur Obi-Wan into moving.

He turned, his hand brushing one last time against the medical table before he walked in quick strides out of the room and towards the helm of the ship. Obi-Wan let out a breath of air, tilting his face upwards as he closed his eyes momentarily. The Force accepted his emotions again, and he told himself he should probably stop doing that as he walked towards the helm of the ship. It wasn't good, going so long with so many violent emotions inside of him, but Obi-Wan had to tough it out.

It was better than breaking down and crying right now, he knew. He ran his hand through his hair, looking around the ship. Obi-Wan still wasn't sure how he was going to pull any of this off. If, in fact, there were any other Jedi remaining then what he was doing right now – not going to them immediately – was practically treason. Anakin was pretty much a war criminal at this point, and after what he did the Jedi Council would most assuredly want him in their custody.

Even if Obi-Wan managed to convince them that it had all been for the safety of himself and Anakin, to keep him out of Palpatine's hands, the greater good for all – he doubted that they wouldn't still take Anakin once it was over.

And he wasn't in the mood to lie to himself, he knew full well that he had not only taken Anakin to protect against his new _master,_ but to protect him from the remaining Jedi. He wasn't about to let Anakin die, not after everything.

“I'm really digging myself a hole here, aren't I?” Obi-Wan mused aloud as he made his way back to the helm. Once he sat down, Obi-Wan instantly switched the ship off auto pilot and back into his control. An odd twinge of amusement and sorrow washed over him as he remembered a particular mission he'd shared with Anakin, something that had also lead to Obi-Wan at the controls. He didn't remember now, what the mission was about, but they'd somehow managed to get themselves into a tight spot once again.

 

“ _Are you alright, Anakin?” Obi-Wan called out, making his way over to Anakin, who had his back propped up against the side of their ship. Anakin laughed, clutching his arm and hissing as he looked down on it._

_Obi-Wan could see blood, a slow, steady trickle seeping out of an unidentified size of wound beneath Anakin's hand. It had Obi-Wan swearing, his hand covering Anakin's own in attempt to alleviate some of the blood flow._

_“I'll be fine, Master.” Anakin breathed out, tilting his head in the direction of the helm. Obi-Wan glanced at it, then back to Anakin, confusion on his face. “We need to get out of here. I can still fly, probably – just – just help me up to the chair.”_

_“Absolutely not, Anakin.” Obi-Wan chastised, exasperation clear in his voice. Anakin rolled his eyes, squeezing harder on his arm._

_"Master, I'm fine -”_

_“You are most assuredly_ not _fine, Anakin. You're bleeding.”_

_“So are you.” Anakin snapped back, poking Obi-Wan in the forehead where blood was seeping out of a small cut. Obi-Wan scoffed._

_“There is a difference between a mild scrape and a massive injury. You will not be flying.”_

_“Oh come on, Master!” Anakin shouted, but was cut off before he could say any more as an earth shaking explosion boomed out from somewhere to the east._

_Anakin flinched, and Obi-Wan jumped forwards and wrapped his Padawan up in his arms to protect him from the blast. After a moment, and when they could hear again, Obi-Wan pulled away and scanned around the ship for any sign of damage. When he saw none he turned back to Anakin and gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze._

_“I will fly, Anakin. You need to rest.” Anakin opened his mouth, protest ready but he never managed to say it because Obi-Wan stood, making his way to the helm. He prepped the ship, keeping an eye for more explosions, and Anakin pushed himself up on shaking legs to walk – or stagger – over to Obi-Wan._

_“You – flying? I never thought I'd see the day.” Anakin laughed out, and Obi-Wan couldn't help but crack a smile as he worked._

_“Well don't get used to it. I'm only doing this because you managed to get yourself injured.”_

_“Oh, so it's my fault now?” Anakin asked with amusement, but their banter was again cut off as a bast shot out across the back end of the ship and it sent Anakin slamming into the ships wall and Obi-Wan clutching the helm for purchase._

_“Fuck.” Anakin hissed, and Obi-Wan tutted, powering on the engines._

_“Language, Padawan.”_

_“Sorry, Master.” Anakin replied, but it held no meaning and Obi-Wan wasn't in the mood to fight him._

_Instead he waved his hand to Anakin, before moving the ship into flight. They managed to get a good twenty feet out before there was a bang and they stalled, dropping as something exploded across the hull. Anakin shouted, stumbling forwards in attempt to keep from falling over and Obi-Wan hissed._

_“Sorry.”_

_“Force, Master.” Anakin gave a breathy chuckle, lowing himself safely into a seat beside Obi-Wan. “And you say_ I'm _dangerous.”_

 

Obi-Wan swore aloud, whipping his hand vigorously across his face as he felt tears once again threatening to spill. It hurt, thinking about it, thinking about what – who – Anakin had been and might never be again. Now, he was a Sith.

He was a traitor. Obi-Wan shook his head, taking a calming breath as he once again focus his entire attention to piloting. Now was most certainly not the time. He couldn't afford to get distracted right now.

He brushed his hair out of his face carefully, before leaning back in attempt to get more comfortable – he probably wasn't going to move until he had safely managed to bring them to the planet. The soreness was going to be a small price to pay for what would hopefully be a safe landing. Hopefully.

 

\------

  
Obi-Wan figured, now, that they had been flying for four and a half hours straight. It felt like longer, by the way his back ached and how his arms were sore. His mind, however, was blissfully dull. Shock, Obi-Wan assumed was what it was that had him like this. He wasn't a stranger to it, had felt it on more than one occasion. It felt different, now, but not by much. It was too close to the event for him to really sink into shock, yet, but he was still feeling some of it.

And for once he was actually grateful for it. It was better than throwing his emotions to the Force every time he got a little upset. The quiet hum from the engines probably wasn't helping either, lulling him into an almost tired state. Obi-Wan sighed, leaning forwards and rolling his shoulders with a quiet groan.

His body craved sleep, or meditation, yet ahead of him he still had an hour and a half to go – technically, and half an hour before he reached the planet, and another hour before Anakin woke up. Maybe if he was lucky Anakin would sleep longer than that, too, and – a loud thump echoed from the other room and Obi-Wan froze.

Silence followed, and he was still as he listened for any following noises. _Maybe I imagined it?_ Obi-Wan thought, confused as he sat there. Finally the silence stretched out long enough that he returned his attention to the helm. He freezes again though as a low wail filters up from the room and it takes Obi-Wan a moment to associate the sound with what is in there.

“ _Force_.” Obi-Wan says, a gasp more than anything as he switched to auto pilot once again and stands, making his way to the other room.

He was supposed to have another half hour before Anakin was waking – but Obi-Wan shouldn't be that surprised. Anakin always had a way of rebounding from things faster than others. He pauses, for a moment, at the doorway into the room. A moment to compose himself before he's once again met with – well, with Anakin. Except this time he expects Anakin to be more angry at him than he had been.

_Rightfully so_ , Obi-Wan thinks, before he's taking a deep breath and walking the last few steps into the room. His heart drops the second he looks around, because Anakin isn't on the table anymore.

Panic sets in a moment later and Obi-Wan's eyes widen, frantically scanning the floor in case he'd fallen off the table. But he can't see him, and he clenches his fists as he sprints to the opposite side of the table.

“Thank goodness.” Obi-Wan breathes, his hand grabbing onto the table for support. Anakin is laying on the ground on his side, his metal arm positioned under him in what looks to be a painful position. The collar stands out like a sore thumb against Anakin's still pale neck.

His medical gown has rolled up, exposing his entire backside and Obi-Wan averts his eyes from it. He moves, on shaking legs, down to Anakin and once again takes him up into his arms as gently as he can. Anakin whines in pain, his metal hand clenching against the pain but with a gentle probing on Obi-Wan side with the Force he quickly answers his unspoken question.

Anakin, is not, in fact, awake. He must have rolled off the table as he slept, and the wail had been from the pain. Obi-Wan thanks anyone who's listening that he's still asleep. He's not really sure he could handle Anakin's anger right now – or his sulfuric gaze. He sets Anakin back down on the table, and discretely rearranges his medical gown so it covers all of him decently.

With a careful check to the dressings, he makes sure that nothing was damaged further in the fall. Once Obi-Wan is sure that there isn't anything wrong, he quickly leaves the room again. This time he isn't about to give himself time to feel anything, by looking down on Anakin. He'd put him back on the table, made sure he was safe.

That's all he needed to do – even if his heart ached to go back in there and hold Anakin close, to tell him everything would be alright, even though it probably never would be again.

 


	4. Stone Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> anyone ask for a conscious anakin?  
> also is it just me or did anyone else not really like the whole Jedi Code in the first place??

The ship gave a disconcerting groan as Obi-Wan landed it, the engines sputtering for a moment. Obi-Wan knew it wasn't anything to worry about, but he still tensed at it. He doubted he'd ever be comfortable flying – and this situation wasn't necessarily making it any easier. Dropping the ramp, Obi-Wan stood and once again stretched out.

He had one hour left and he intended to use it wisely. It was best to get himself up and looking around, scanning the aria, before he had a chance to get comfortable. Obi-Wan moved, hand resting gently on the 'saber at his hip, and he stopped just short of the exit. He shifted his weight, rocking back and forth slightly as the ramp slowly dropped down, revealing a vast, grey landscape before him. Everything was stone, rocky ground as far as the eye could see.

The air was damp and stale, almost smelled like swampland as Obi-Wan took in a deep breath of it. The sky was clouded with dark grey rain clouds, and there was a faint noise of thunder somewhere above them. It would probably start raining soon. Obi-Wan suddenly cursed himself for leaving his cloak behind on Mustafar. He was probably going to need it soon – yet he didn't have it with him. There might be a spare somewhere on board, but he didn't really have the time to look for it now.

Obi-Wan would just have to rough it, and if it started raining, well, he'd have to put up with being wet for a bit. With a tap to his lightsaber, Obi-Wan moved, making his decent down the ramp and onto the oddly terrained planet before him. It was fairly warm, for as rainy as it looked, but there was a gentle breeze that sent a shiver down his spine despite the temperature. Now, as he stood there, he understood why the planet was deserted.

There was no plant life, as far as he could see, and if there was it would most likely be too scare to safely live off of. Water here probably wasn't safe to drink from the assortment of potentially dangerous minerals in the ground, unless directly caught from the sky. Obi-Wan doubted, even if it was safe to drink, that there was a deep enough dip in the stone for there to be a lake, and the small puddles of water were too shallow or small to get anything from.

Not to mention the blatant lack of animal life. Hopefully there were enough provisions on board for them to safely stay here for a while. He didn't feel like risking a trip to a populated planet anytime soon, and really, it was safer this way. He doubted Palpatine would expect them to land here, with Anakin as wounded as he was. Though, as soon as Anakin was healed, whether or not he wanted to Obi-Wan would at least have to make a trip to a different planet.

He was going to need extensive prosthetics. Obi-Wan ran a hand down his face, sighing quietly to himself. He needed to get started. With a quick look back at the ship, Obi-Wan set out in a wide circle around it, using the Force to probe against the surrounding aria. He felt no life around him, and he saw none, and he wasn't sure if that more more unnerving than being with other people or not.

He managed to make it halfway around the ship before he felt the first drops of rain against his skin, and he quickened his pace. Maybe if he was fast enough he could get back inside before the storm fully hit and he was soaked. Obi-Wan wondered, then, how the planet wasn't flooded. From the way the rocks looked, it had been raining for quite some time before this storm had even started, and the smell lead him to believe that it often rained here.

Maybe between rains, or 'rainy seasons', if this planet had those, the sun was strong enough to dry everything. Or, able to dry enough that it didn't cause any permanent damage. Obi-Wan paused, tilting his head as he felt the gentle, weak hum of a life form. It wouldn't have taken a generous to figure out that it wasn't sentient, most likely a small plant, and Obi-Wan didn't take much interest in it. All it did was serve to prove his theory, so he left it in peace and continued his path around the ship.

The rain started out slow, then it gradually got heavier and by the time Obi-Wan was back at the ramp on the front of the ship he was shivering from the cold of the water. He wasn't soaked, but he wasn't really dry, and he let out a long suffering sigh as he closed the ramp behind him. The inside of the ship was relatively warm, the amount of time it was on having kept it heated still.

He turned towards the helm, walking to it for a moment before stopping and shaking his shirt against his skin to try and get some of the water off. He couldn't see the extent of the damage to his clothes from the water. The lights were low, and Obi-Wan momentarily thought about turning them up. He decided against it. He hadn't spent that long outside, and Anakin would most likely sleep for a little longer.

That gave him time for a quick nap. He might want to take off his top though, better than sleeping uncomfortably and catching a cold from being soaked. He couldn't really change, since the only other clothing here was the medical gowns in the other room, and Obi-Wan didn't really feel like undressing himself to that extent simply to let his own clothing dry. He would just have to be mildly uncomfortable for a little bit. 

“Don't _fucking_ move.” Rasped a deep, violent voice from behind him and Obi-Wan's mind went blank.

He was confused, startled as he racked his brain for possible ways he'd missed another life form on the planet or another ship landing and managing to board them. Then there was a cough and a pained groan and Obi-Wan knew who it was before he turned around.

Anakin was sitting, his remaining legs laying out in front of him, leaning heavy against the door frame as his one remaining arm held a blaster in it's shaking, metallic clutches. His eyes were clouded, most likely from the remains of the drugs and any residual pain and Anakin looked to be trying to make out Obi-Wan's shape in the dark.

Obi-Wan instantly felt concerned for Anakin's wounds. He must have fallen from the table, or tossed himself over the edge, to have managed to get to the ground. Obi-Wan wasn't sure where the blaster had come from, but he could guess that Anakin had crawled his way over here.

Obi-Wan wondered how long it took him to get there, in his condition. Obi-Wan took a deep breath, and then he held his hands up – more of a reassuring gesture than a surrender.

“Alright.” Obi-Wan said, nodding his head down to Anakin, who squinted his eyes as he spoke. He was probably trying to figure out who he was. “But, may I ask, where you got that blaster from? I don't recall leaving one at your disposal.” 

“Wh- _Obi-Wan?_ ” Anakin hissed out, and he clutched tighter to the weapon in his hand.

Anakin looked around, eyes widening and shrinking as he tried desperately to make out his surroundings. Obi-Wan took pity on him, taking a step forwards.

“Don't _move_.” Anakin snapped back, turning his head to him the second he moved and Obi-Wan held his hands higher.

“You're on my ship.” Obi-Wan said, gently, as if talking to a child. “And you should probably get back to bed.” 

“Why am I here? Why are _you_ here?” 

“I saved your life, Anakin.”

“ _Don't call me that_.” Anakin hissed, and the raw venom his tone held had Obi-Wan flinching slightly. He quickly regained his composure though, ignoring Anakin's words in favor of gesturing to the medial room.

“Anakin, right now I don't really feel like fighting you. You're severely injured and being up and about like this is very dangerous.”

“'Severely injured?' You _cut off my fucking limbs!_ ” Anakin roared, and Obi-Wan only had a moment to move before Anakin shot the blaster in his direction.

His aim was horrible, and Obi-Wan was lucky enough to move fast enough and he just barely missed getting hit. Obi-Wan's hand instantly went to his 'saber as he landed, but he didn't draw it. Instead he put his hand back up in the air towards Anakin. His former Padawan had a tight expression on his face, and he looked like he was going to faint at any moment. 

“Stop this, Anakin. I'm not going to fight you.”

“Then it'll be just that much easier to kill you.” Anakin said with promise, and Obi-Wan growled as he rolled out of the way of another blaster shot.

He just barely managed to get out of the way for that one, and when he landed he once again put his hand up in the air. But, this time, he used the Force and pulled hard against the weapon in Anakin's hands. Anakin shouted in anger as it landed safely in Obi-Wan's own hand.

“Do you honestly think killing me now is wise?” Obi-Wan asked, voice starting to rise. “What, Anakin, happens if you do manage to kill me? Hmm? Do you plan to fly this ship by _yourself?_ You can hardly sit there without falling over. If you killed me now, _Anakin_ , you would either starve or die of an infection. So I suggest you _stop_ trying to kill me long enough to get better.” 

“Get better? _Get better?_ In case you haven't noticed, _Obi-Wan_ , I'm missing _all of my limbs_.” Anakin shot back, but he didn't try and attack Obi-Wan further so he counted that as a plus.

Obi-Wan groaned as he stood, hand resting on his back gently. He was really sore now, and that idea of a nap, well, Obi-Wan doubted he'd be getting it any time soon. He blatantly ignored the pain in his heart at the fact that Anakin was still trying to kill him. It wasn't like he'd expected it to be any differently, no matter how it still stung. Suddenly Anakin's voice cut through his thoughts and Obi-Wan froze again. 

“Why – why can't I feel – feel anything?” Anakin asked, and for the first time since Mustafar he actually sounded a little bit like Anakin again. But only in the vaguest, most broken sense of the way. He sounded lost, and frightened, and confused. Obi-Wan swallowed thickly around the sorrow in his chest.

“I gave you a Force Inhibitor.” Obi-Wan said quietly, and he couldn't help the shame that weaved through his words. Anakin's eyes widened, and he pressed his hand to his throat slowly. 

“You _collared_ me?” Anakin asked, bewildered, and Obi-Wan averted his gaze against the betrayal in Anakin's eyes. _He didn't need to feel bad. It wasn't_ him _who had betrayed who, here._ “Cutting off my limbs wasn't enough, you had to go the extra distance and block me from the Force, too? _Collar me?_ What am I, your _slave?_ ” 

“Force, _no,_ Anakin!” Obi-Wan shouted, whirling back on the younger man. Anakin snarled, his hand fisting against his neck. 

“But that's all being a Jedi is, isn't it? Slavery? You all talk to highly of each other, but in the end your just a slave to the 'code'. You are all no better than mindless droids, doing what they're programmed for.” 

“Anakin, have I taught you _nothing?_ ” Obi-Wan snapped back, taking a step forwards. He tried to ignore the way Anakin flinched against his movement, the way his face crumpled in momentary terror. “You know better than this!”

“ _Yes,_ ” Anakin hissed, promise and threat in his voice at the same time. “yes, I do.”

Obi-Wan groaned, pulling at his hair for a moment before letting his hands drop with a huff of air. He wasn't about to do this. Anakin was drugged, probably wasn't even very coherent. He needed to get Anakin back to the medical table to rest, not to fight with him on the floor. So Obi-Wan turned back to him, sighing, and tossing the blaster to the floor – a good ways away from Anakin. 

“I'm not going to fight you right now. You need to get back to the med-table. You might have hurt yourself again, falling off the table.” He moved then, going to pick Anakin up but Anakin flinched so hard away from him that he had to slap his hand against the ground to avoid from falling over.

Now, that he was closer, Obi-Wan could see the sweat and the tension lines in Anakin's face – the way his body trembled from holding himself up. _Oh, Anakin._

“Don't touch me.” 

“Do you want to just sit there in pain for the rest of our stay here?” Obi-Wan countered, and Anakin fell silent. They stared at each other for a long moment, before Anakin broke eye contact and looked away, nodding. 

“Do whatever.” He said, voice reserved. Obi-Wan nodded, moved forwards and in one quick motion had Anakin in his arms for the third time.

Anakin hissed in pain, his hand digging so hard in Obi-Wan's shirt that he heard it rip. Obi-Wan closed his eyes briefly, letting out a calming breath.

This was going to be a long night.

 


	5. Lost In Thought

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i meant to upload this sooner but i forgot :P

The second Obi-Wan sets Anakin down on the medical table he calls the medical droid back up. It's still really to dark for him to inspect Anakin on his own, and besides, he feels a more professional eye would be best used here. Anakin's fallen off the table twice now, and in his condition Obi-Wan can't help but worry – it wouldn't be good for Anakin to injure himself further. The droid powers up with a faint whir, and it gives an acknowledging beep when it spots Anakin.

Obi-Wan backs up, letting the droid have it's space as it moves over to inspect Anakin, who's propped himself up with his arm, face scrunched up in pain and anger as he eyes Obi-Wan around the droid. Obi-Wan has to avert his gaze, can't keep looking at Anakin when he's like this – so angry. Suddenly Obi-Wan startled, realizing something. Anakin's eyes. He snaps his head back, looking at Anakin in shock as it finally sinks in what he's looking at.

Anakin doesn't have the vile, sickly eyes of a Sith any longer – instead they're replaced by his natural blues. Granted, they're dulled and foggy, but they're still _blue_ and Obi-Wan almost falls over looking at them. He manages to catch himself on the wall behind himself, his breath coming in quickened pants. Out of all the things he'd thought would happen, all the outcomes, he'd never even considered that Anakin's eyes could revert back.

_What could this mean?_ Obi-Wan racks his mind desperately, searching for something, anything – but all he can come up with is something that sounds too much like raw hope to fully trust. If Anakin's eyes are blue, which – another quick glance confirms this – they are, could he still be saved? Or, no, wait – could this mean he was never a Sith in the first place?

Not _truly_ a Sith. Obi-Wan's entire body is screaming at him to admit it, that _yes_ , this means you won't have to give up on him – but his mind is still trying to find some other solution, something else that could explain this. His heart drops to his stomach when he finds it.

_The Force Inhibitor. Right now, all Anakin, in theory, is, is as Force deprived as any other non-Jedi. He's no longer connected to the Force._ Obi-Wan lets out a breath, calming himself. He was stupid to jump to conclusions. Of course Anakin is a Sith. He'd seen what he'd done, what he was capable of, with his own two eyes. Something as silly as this shouldn't have gotten him so worked up.

Yet, still, he can't help the sense of hope that is spreading throughout his body – the hope that _maybe_ there is a chance that Anakin, _the real Anakin_ , is still in there somewhere. A hiss has Obi-Wan looking back over at Anakin and the droid. The medical droid has Anakin's remaining arm cradled in it's hands, inspecting it for damage, and Anakin looks absolutely murderous.

Except, this time, Obi-Wan actually thinks he might kill the droid opposed to when he used to see that look on Anakin's face. Now, it means actual death, whereas before it meant frustration and annoyance. It's a sobering thought and Obi-Wan pushes himself back up, taking a step away from the wall. 

“Did he damage himself?” Obi-Wan asks, clinically, devoid of emotions and the droid gives a reassuring beep at him. Now, Anakin's eyes have snapped to him, and they're a little more curious then deadly, now, but Obi-Wan isn't a fool. The potential is still there.

“No, he's alright. He moved some of the dressings, but I have managed to press those back into place. However, Master Skywalker-”

“Don't fucking call me that.” Anakin hisses, but the droid pays him no attention – instead, he continues talking. It confused Obi-Wan for a moment, half expecting the droid to acknowledge him but what he says next explains it.

“-is suffering from mild side effects from the pain medications. They are causing him to have less cognitive functions, and most likely he will develop nausea for the rest of the duration of the medication in his bloodstream. The side effects would alleviate if the medication was let to disperse, however it is unwise to do so with the extent of his wounds. It would be wise to keep him well hydrated during the next few hours.”

“How much cognitive functions has he lost?” Obi-Wan asks, folding his arms over his chest. Anakin lets out a grunt and he drops himself a little lower onto the table. 

“His thoughts will most likely be more free, or, more accurately speaking, he will say what comes to his mind without forethought.” The droid hummed, before it seemed to calculate something inside it's head. “I would like to administer an additional dose of pain medication, as his previous one has almost stopped effecting him.”

Ah, that would explain Anakin's looks of pain from before. Obi-Wan sighed, closing his eyes momentarily. What was better, letting Anakin sit there in pain or have him tell him how much he hated him for the next few hours?

Neither were ideal, and even though Obi-Wan didn't want it, he would never purposefully let Anakin suffer. He could deal with some harsh words. He was a big boy, he could handle it. It's not like he wasn't expecting them, anyway. Obi-Wan opened his eyes and nodded, waving a hand.

“Alright, go ahead. Is it safe to move him to a cot?” Obi-Wan added as an after thought, and the droid paused as it moved to Anakin's neck, where there was one of the most accessible veins. 

“Yes.” The droid said after a moment, and then it stuck a needle into Anakin's neck so fast Anakin didn't even have time to wince in pain before it was all done and the droid was moving to deactivate.

Obi-Wan nodded to himself, and turned to Anakin, only just then remembering to turn up the lights. With a huff he walked to a control panel near the door, before quickly typing in a command. A few moments later and the ship gave a warning whir before the lights flickered into full power. Obi-Wan flinched against the sudden difference, blinking his now watering eyes rapidly to try and get them to adjust.

When black spots stopped dancing across his eyes he turned back to Anakin, and crossed his arms again. Anakin was glaring at him still, and the fog that had been in his eyes before looked to have doubled after the droids injection. He looked, almost, like he was high or doped up on some foreign drug. It made Obi-Wan all the more reluctant to talk to him, yet he wasn't about to try and carry Anakin again with out telling him first. He didn't want to get clawed to death. 

“I'm going to take you to the other room, set you up with a cot. I'm going to have to carry you, again.” Obi-Wan said, calmly, hoping to keep Anakin at peace. It didn't seem to do the trick, as the other only narrowed his eyes and scoffed.

“First you collar me and now you want to humiliate me further by carrying me around like a child?” Anakin rolled his eyes, and Obi-Wan clenched his jaw. He should have expected that.

“Anakin-”

“Don't _'Anakin'_ me. That's not my name.”

“Yes it is!” Obi-Wan snapped, frustration in his voice. Anakin clenched his fist and growled, his next words sharp as a slap.

“I am Darth Vader, you idiotic Jedi.” Obi-Wan startled, blinking his eyes in attempt to focus.

He felt, suddenly, like he'd been robbed of something great and precious to him, and that it had been destroyed before his eyes. It was like, almost, that Anakin was dead and in his place sat Darth Vader, wearing Anakin's face for a mask. Obi-Wan's stomach churned but he ignored it, gripping his upper arms tightly.

“Do you think that stage name scares me, Anakin? Because that's all it is. A stage name. Now, if you're quite done shaming everything I've ever stood for I would like to take you to the other room so I can try to get some sleep. Flying you away from your new _Master_ wasn't exactly a walk in the park.” Obi-Wan said, and he tried to tell himself that the burning in his eyes was only from the bright lights.

Anakin stared at him for a moment more, before scoffing and turning his head to the side. Obi-Wan hesitated, watching Anakin. He wasn't sure if that meant for him, again, to do 'whatever' or if it was simply Anakin ignoring him. With a huff he ignored his fear and moved forwards, carefully taking Anakin into his arms again. Obi-Wan probably should stop carrying him so much before he got used to it. That wouldn't be good.

The walk to the other room was quick, as it was right across from the medical room. Inside, there was a small 'fresher, room for two or three cots at a time and a small bench to sit on. It wasn't anything like either of them were really used to, but then again, it wasn't like they'd had much better in the first place. Gently, like he always was with Anakin, Obi-Wan set him down onto one of the open cots.

He pulled the blanket up enough so that Anakin could reach it before turning away from him without another word and heading into the 'fresher. Once inside he sighed, his head dropping as his hands supported him on the sink in front of him. Obi-Wan felt horrible. Both physically and mentally. The nagging idea from earlier came back full force now, as he realized that he would _definitely_ need to meditate within the next few hours.

Really, he should do it now, but Obi-Wan's need to sleep outweighed his need to be balanced. At least, for now. Once, on a mission with Anakin, Obi-Wan had gotten horribly stressed out. He'd ignored meditation for three days straight, and by the time he managed to do it he was so wound up it had taken him five hours to fully achieve full meditation. He wasn't really feeling in the mood to do that again.

Slowly, Obi-Wan looked up into the mirror and was probably less startled then he should have been to see himself. His face was covered in dirt and grime, only slightly smudged from his earlier tears and the rain from a few minutes ago. His hair was wild, tossed around his head like he'd been pulling at it – which, he had, so it wasn't too shocking. Obi-Wan looked downright weary, and he felt it.

He mentally reminded himself to take a shower after he woke up and before his meditation. Right now he wasn't in the mood – didn't have the energy. Instead Obi-Wan pulled off his shirt, briefly glancing at the tear Anakin had put in it before folding it up and placing it on the side of the sink. He toed off his boots and undid his belt, placing it and his 'saber on top of his shirt. He lingered only a moment before turning back out, heading to the other cot.

Anakin was laying on his side, back to him and arm tucked underneath him in what looked to be an uncomfortable angle. He didn't move when Obi-Wan entered, and Obi-Wan assumed he was either sleeping or ignoring him. Either one didn't hurt as bad as when Anakin was actually talking to him – which felt like being stabbed in the heart, repeatedly.

To know that your closest friend, you most trusted ally felt so much _hate_ towards you and who you represented? It was as close to loss as Obi-Wan had felt since the death of his Master. But, really, it hurt more – because Anakin wasn't dead, instead he hated him, and that knowledge alone would have brought Obi-Wan to tears if he hadn't been to tired to let himself break down.

_Later_ , he told himself as he crawled underneath the covers. He didn't turn the lights off. He didn't want to risk Anakin being able to crawl away in his sleep. And besides, he could sleep in the middle of a tornado he was so tired.

However he did quickly type an alarm into the wall, set for three hours. It wasn't the ideal amount of time, but then, he couldn't afford to sleep for much longer right now.

 


	6. Fair Trade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this took way too long because - surprise surprise - im sick again. yaaaaay  
> angsty obi-wan for all your angsty obi-wan needs

Obi-Wan woke up to a roar of thunder and a crack against the ship, and he was sitting up and alert before his mind fully had time to process what he'd heard. The light of the room momentarily blinded him, and it took him a few seconds to get his eyes to focus on his surroundings. When he did adrenaline was coursing through his body and his heart was beating rapidly even though, really, it had no purpose.

He sighed, letting his eyes close as he listened to the faint noise of the rain against the ship's hull. Beside him he could here Anakin breathing, could hear the faint hum of the lights above his head. Obi-Wan's alarm hadn't gone off. He turned, opening the control pad in the wall and he frowned at the time still left on his alarm. He'd only slept for an hour and a half.

His body was lethargic, his mind swimming with barely enough sleep and he had to fight the urge to crawl back under the covers and sleep longer. Really, he _could_ go back to sleep but he was worried that lightning might have struck the ship. It wouldn't be very good if, when they needed to, they couldn't get off the planet because something had damaged their only means of transport.

Obi-Wan threw the covers back, letting his feet drop over the edge of the cot as he pulled himself to stand. He groaned, hand resting on the small of his back as he winced. The cots had never been particularly ideal for long periods of sleeping, compared to a bed, and he could really use one of those right now. But, seeing as he didn't have access to one he wasn't going to dwell on it. There was nothing he could do right now.

Without bothering with his shirt, Obi-Wan moved out into the main aria of the ship and once again headed for the helm. It was almost becoming routine at this point – he'd spent more time there than he had anywhere else on the ship so far. With a careful eye he checked for any sign of damage to the hull, and when he found no reports of one he sighed in relief. At least he wasn't going to have to worry about that anytime soon.

Obi-Wan rubbed the back of his head, realizing something. He wasn't really sure what time it was. It could still be the same day as what had happened or it could be the next. That could account for some of the exhaustion. So, almost as an after thought, Obi-Wan opened the ship's internal clock. It was, as he'd guessed, the next day. Though, only barely.

It had been maybe three to four hours since yesterday, and Obi-Wan sighed to himself for what felt like the millionth time. He almost wished that something would be different, now that it was a new day. New day, new start, and all that. He knew nothing would really change – for a while at least. He glanced up when another loud crack of thunder echoed across the sky, and he just barely caught the tail end of lightning in his eye.

They were kind of a sitting duck, their ship. It was really the only large thing that jutted up from the ground, and Obi-Wan doubted that there were any mountains near enough to him that it would make a difference safety wise. He hoped that he wouldn't have to deal with a break in the ship's hull because of the weather.

A memory, muffled by age, slowly crept into Obi-Wan's mind before he had time to stop himself from thinking of it.

 

_It was late, and Obi-Wan wasn't sleeping. Qui-Gon's death had left him like that, unable to sleep. It wasn't that he wasn't tired. He just didn't dare let himself see what his mind could conjure up for him, late at night, when there was nothing to distract him from his own subconscious._

_The rain outside was a nice distraction. It kept him busy. The rain smelled nice too, and Obi-Wan took a deep breath of the wet air from the window he'd left open. The last few weeks had burned a hole somewhere inside of Obi-Wan, and it was difficult for him to do much of anything. Well, anything for himself. For Anakin, his new Padawan, Obi-Wan was more than ready to step up and do what he needed._

_He was determined to be as good as a Master as Qui-Gon had been, to at least try and live up to his name. He had to keep reminding himself that he wasn't the only one who felt Qui-Gon's death, even when it felt like he was the last person who cared. Grief did that to a person – made them feel alone or torn apart from everyone else. Obi-Wan closed his eyes as a deep rumble echoed from outside, and he felt himself finally starting to ease for the first time._

_It didn't last long though, as a sudden and sharp twinge of fear echoed across his new bond with Anakin. It took him a moment to actually be able to tell what it was – yes, he was used to them, but he'd never been the one to be holding it together. When, finally, he did figure out what it was Obi-Wan blinked in confusion and stood, walking silently and carefully to Anakin's bedroom._

_The door was cracked, as it normally was – Anakin had left it like that, every time he went to bed. Obi-Wan didn't feel the need to close it. It was Anakin's room, after all. He paused, suddenly feeling a little foolish for coming all this way. What if Anakin was just having a mild nightmare? Or what if what he'd felt had been nothing?_

_He was still new to all of this, he could have made a mistake. But his need to keep Anakin safe outweighed his need for self preservation, and he let his fist come down gently against the door.  
_

_“Anakin?” He asked, quietly in case he was still sleeping. He didn't want to wake him up if he didn't need to._

_When there was no reply, Obi-Wan felt his mouth draw up into a thin line. This was silly. He turned, making a move to leave but froze as the door in front of him creaked open until it revealed Anakin, staring up at him through his eyelashes. He was shivering, shaking, and his eyes were red rimmed and Obi-Wan blinked, startled.  
_

_“Anakin, what's wrong?” Obi-Wan asked, instantly kneeling down so he was at eye level with Anakin. The boy averted his eyes, his hands balled into fists in his shirt. He was silent for a moment, before he spoke, almost too quiet to hear.  
_

_“I don't like the storm.” He said, almost shyly, and Obi-Wan couldn't help himself as a small smile appeared on his face._

_He stood, without saying anything, and extended a hand to Anakin. When the blond hesitated he smiled wider, offing a quiet 'come' before leading Anakin into the other room. Anakin's hand tightened in his as he saw the open window, and Obi-Wan sat down in his previous position.  
_

_“Here,” Obi-Wan says, lifting Anakin gently up into his lap as easily as if he weighed nothing. Anakin let him, surprisingly, and even tucked his head against Obi-Wan's shoulder. Obi-Wan pointed out the window, letting his own head rest against Anakin's. “See? There is nothing to fear, Padawan. The rain can't hurt us.”  
_

_“But it sounds angry.” Anakin said. Obi-Wan shook his head, but Anakin kept speaking. “The sky is crying.”  
_

_“Maybe it feels our pain?” Obi-Wan asked, mostly to himself, but Anakin must have heard him anyway, because after a silent moment Anakin wrapped his arms tightly around Obi-Wan's neck and hugged him gently.  
_

_“I could feel yours.” He says, without any hint of confusion or disgust, like Obi-Wan would have expected and he can't bring himself to feel entirely guilty for letting his shields down.  
_

_“I'm sorry.” Obi-Wan apologizes. Anakin shakes his head this time.  
_

_“It's ok. If you protect me from the rain, I'll protect you from that.” Anakin says so gently, so innocently, Obi-Wan can't help the tears that trail down his face._

_Anakin just holds him tighter, and he even smiles a little, even as more thunder comes and he flinches against it. Obi-Wan holds him tighter in return, to sheild him, protect, and he nods.  
_

_“Alright, Padawan. I think that's a fair trade.”_

 

Obi-Wan sobs, his body crumpling in on itself and he has to let himself drop to the ground, his arms wrapping around his torso in an almost self-hug. There is pain now, emotional yet physical, stronger even then the feeling of losing Qui-Gon, in his chest and it feels like he's dying.

Dying would be better than this, because this is torture. Now, everything that he'd been trying to keep at bay breaks lose and he can't contain himself as he sobs against the cold floor of the ship, something dry and distinctly metal digging into his back that he has to ignore. It's nothing compared to this, this horrible ache that's spreading through him and taking over his entire being.

 _This_ , Obi-Wan thinks morbidly, _is why I should have meditated sooner_. But he hadn't, and now that the tears have started he's not going to be able to stop them and so he just submits to the sudden surges of loss and self loathing that tries to consume his entire self.

He's not sure how long he sits there, holding himself for comfort, but by the time he's done the rain has lessened and he hasn't heard any thunder for at least twenty minutes. The tears have stopped, and what comes now are dry, hiccuped breaths that sound painful even to his ears.

Obi-Wan is shivering, his shirtless body taking a toll from being out this long. He lets his arms drop limp at his sides, and Obi-Wan makes himself focus on breathing. Obi-Wan looks down at his hand, at the dirt and grime that was covering it, and he let out a huff. Now that he was done with his tantrum, he should really take that shower.

Obi-Wan's skin was starting to feel odd, itchy and heavy from the amount of dirt and soot that covered it now. Slowly, on shaking legs, he makes himself stand and walk back into the other room. He gives a quick glance to Anakin, and he's relieved to find him sleeping soundly. Thank Force he hadn't heard any of that. Obi-Wan would be mortified. He keeps walking, to the shower, and lets the door close behind him slowly.

He's slow with everything he does to prepare his shower, slow to set the temperature, slow at undressing. He doesn't look in the mirror this time, can't bring himself to do it. He's afraid of what he'll see. Instead he goes straight into the shower, and lets the water clean him. Obi-Wan uses soap, but again his actions are sluggish and jagged, and it takes longer than it should.

He can't hear the storm anymore, and he's not sure if that's because it's done or if it's because of the shower. Obi-Wan hisses as soap gets into a cut on his shoulder, and again as it gets in one on his hand, but he doesn't do anything to get the soap out.

They probably need cleaning, anyway, so he just cleans himself. He finally gets out of the shower, and he stands in front of the sink, towel in hand as he looks at himself now. Here, without the grime on his face and the tears, he looks like he might be himself still.

He can almost recognize himself. Almost. Slowly, he forces a smile to his face, but it's thin and so fake even the simplest minded person could see right through it.

 _But it's there, and at least_ , Obi-Wan thinks, _he can still bring himself to do it._ He might not be entirely lost, yet.

 


	7. A Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry this one is so late today and shorter than normal guys. this chapter was really hard on me and i couldn't focus at all. 
> 
> shout out to my sister and friend, casanovakarkat on Tumblr for helping me work out some of the weirder bits that I was struggling with!

By the time Obi-Wan manages to get himself dressed he's fully awake, and doubts he's going to be sleeping any time soon. Thankfully he doesn't want to, not right now – not when all he can think about is Anakin's betrayal and all the death he'd caused.

So it doesn't take much to make him decide to go into the other room. After pulling his shirt over his head, Obi-Wan secures his belt soundly against his hips.

He probably doesn't need it, but he can't bring himself to consider not taking it with him. The chance of Anakin making a successful attack on him, now, in his condition, is one to a hundred, but he still takes it.

His body hurts, now worse than ever, and he almost wishes he wanted to sleep. But Obi-Wan's not going to. He'll just have to tough it out. Emotionally, he's drained, and could really go for a good distraction right about now.

Meditating seems like the best plan to him, as he towels his hair dry with lazy strokes. He feels almost raw, exposed, after his breakdown before. Like everyone can see his deepest darkest thoughts, fears, and sorrows. Like his mind is on display and ready to be picked apart by criticizing eyes.

Even when he knows the only person around there that _could_ do that, literally can't anymore. He'd already made sure of that. So, no matter how weak his shields are currently, he doesn't have to worry about Anakin getting feedback from his mind. That, at least, is a plus.

He ignores the regret that comes with that, though, from the knowledge that he's the one who cut off Anakin's ability to do so. He ignores the way their bond, still strong and vibrant, throbs in loss. Obi-Wan turns, still drying his hair, and makes his way out of the 'fresher. He leans against the door frame, and without thinking about it, his eyes land on Anakin.

He's still got his back to Obi-Wan, but despite that Obi-Wan can clearly tell he's actually asleep, this time. He shouldn't have been moving around as much as he did, and now his body is taking its due in much-needed rest. His hair is in tangled, messy knots, and the blanket thankfully covers his lower half.

On his back, though, Obi-Wan can see the bruising the medical droid had mentioned before. It must have been from when they'd both Force tossed each other across the room and into various control panels. They look awful, and Obi-Wan winces in sympathy.

They are dark and mottled a sickly purple-green-yellow-red, some big enough and bad enough to have scraped and torn the skin when the impact was too hard. Obi-Wan can guess he has his own to match across his back. Obi-Wan closes his eyes, sighing. He's not sure what he's going to do about Anakin being a Sith.

He was hoping, that once everything was done and over, that Anakin might show signs of still being good. Yet, everything that he'd seen so far, had proven otherwise. It wasn't hard for him to assume that Anakin was beyond saving, and it was hard for him all the same for him to believe that.

He had a soft spot for his former Padawan. A selective blindness, maybe. Whatever it was, it was what had made him decide to keep him hidden from the Jedi. From the people he had pledged his entire life to.

Obi-Wan had never considered himself to be the best example of a Jedi, but he'd never thought he would ever purposefully betray them. He thought it was fitting, however, for it to be Anakin that he was doing it for. Obi-Wan always seemed to be bending the rules for Anakin, and somehow he never felt all that guilty about it.

What was he supposed to do? He couldn't just keep Anakin with him forever. Sooner or later, Anakin would at least try to leave – and Obi-Wan wasn't about to deny him prosthetics, after having so cruelly taken away his natural limbs.

He hadn't planned any of this out before hand. Was he actually thinking that going one bit at a time would work forever? He needed to think ahead, and now that he was, he couldn't believe himself as he realized that he was more than happy to be on the run for the rest of his life, if that meant he could keep Anakin at his side.

Obi-Wan shook his head, letting his hand holding the towel drop down to his side, and he casts his gaze away from Anakin. Right. He needed to meditate. Obi-Wan folded the towel up, carefully, and headed back out to the helm of the ship.

He didn't want to leave himself that physically vulnerable as he was about to be around Anakin. Not until he could trust him again. He found himself focusing on ignoring the fact that he might never truly trust Anakin. How could he?

Instead, he set the towel down on the main chair and lowered himself to sit cross legged on the ground. He positioned himself, and then, like letting water trail over his body, Obi-Wan allowed himself to go calm.

His body went numb, limp, slowly, trailing up in an almost wave from his feet. He slowed his breathing, left himself open to the Force. It didn't take as long as he would have expected before he was fully at ease.

  
  
\----

 

When Obi-Wan let himself drift back out of meditation, he felt like himself again. He could think about everything that had happened, without wanting to wallow in self pity for a few hours. Not to mention, he had a plan now.

He needed to find Master Yoda above everything else. Yes, take care of Anakin, but he needed to somehow locate Yoda. That meant trips to populated planets, to get a read any possible rumor that had spread about him.

Out of all the Jedi that could have died or lived, Obi-Wan was most sure that Yoda was still alive. And, even if he wasn't, well, then at least he'd actually be sure. But Obi-Wan expected that he'd have felt something, a disturbance in the Force if someone as powerful as Yoda had died.

He was almost sure of it, and that, as his only proof, was where he rooted his assumption that Yoda was still alive. If he flew them to a different planet then he was going to have to leave Anakin on board. He couldn't risk anyone seeing his face, not this close to what had happened, and he still didn't think that a _day_ of healing was enough to get Anakin's prosthetics fitted.

Besides, he'd need to find someone first, and that he doubted would be an easy task. Obi-Wan pushed himself up, picking up the towel and letting himself sit down into the chair. Quickly he pulled up some maps, some star charts, depicting the surrounding planets.

The closest one didn't seem to hold very much potential. He needed a more populated planet, and he wasn't about to head back to Mustafar, and he certainly couldn't stay here for information. About a ten hour flight, though, he spotted a planet that looked to be what he needed.

It might be a long trip, compared to other planets, but from the looks of it it was the best bet. There were at least three different questionable ports, more than one popular, and quite frequented bars where, Obi-Wan assumed, he could find at least someone with his needed knowledge.

With a quick command into the control panel, Obi-Wan locked in the coordination of the planet and locked the ship in auto pilot. Along with figuring out what he needed to do regarding the Jedi, Obi-Wan had an idea of how to deal with Anakin. He just hoped it would do some good.

Really, it seemed like a stupid idea, what he was planning. Talking to Anakin, trying to reason with him? That hadn't worked on Mustafar, and it probably wouldn't work now, but then again, he hadn't had a captive audience then.

Not really, not one that would be forced to listen to what he had to say. He felt bad, though, for thinking of this idea, but when he'd thought of it he hadn't felt any negativity from the Force to lead him off of this path so he could only hope he was planning the right thing.

Obi-Wan stood, then, and walked back to the other room, towel in hand. First, he returned it to it's rightful place beside the sink, and he gave himself a quick look in the mirror. He even looked better. Younger, compared to the last time he'd checked, and more rested.

He always looked like this after a meditation. Hopefully it would be enough to keep an air of confidence about him, despite however he might really be feeling, when he talked to Anakin. A thought struck him, and he looked down at the 'saber at his hip. Obi-Wan's hand hesitated over it, and for a moment he almost took it with him, but in the end he pulled it from its place on his belt and let it sit safely on the side of the sink. If everything went according to plan, he wouldn't need it. And if he did, well.

Then, unarmed and really, a little unprepared, Obi-Wan went back into the other room and dragged the bench in front of Anakin's cot. Anakin's back was to him, but his shoulders were ridged, and Obi-Wan knew he wasn't sleeping anymore. Probably hadn't been for a while now. Obi-Wan had meditated for a long time, as it were.

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan said, quietly and questioning, and with a sigh the blond before him moved himself until he was facing Obi-Wan, back pressed against the ships wall behind him. He lifted an eyebrow at him, and Obi-Wan could already tell this wasn't going to be easy. That was not the expression of someone who was going to be willing to listen.

“Anakin.” He repeated, folding his hands together in his lap. “I think we need to have a talk.”

 


	8. Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was really fun to write but I'm worried that I didn't manage to get across exactly what I'm trying to show Anakin feeling :/ Oh well, it's gonna be a long fic and slow build is what I'm good at anyway
> 
> sorry for not updating yesterday I somehow managed to get myself food poisoned? I'm fine now but god damn it was not fun
> 
> (also omg the amount of people giving me kudos and bookmarking this is making me so happy, I am downright thrilled that you guys like this so much!!! thank you all for reading!!!)

Anakin's expressions shifts to one of full blown annoyance, and he scoffs, rolling his eyes. Obi-Wan tries to keep himself from scolding Anakin, from chastising him, but the urge is there and it's a little unsettling that his mind can't fully accept that Anakin is actually a threat.

That at any moment Anakin can try and kill him again. He's not even sure why Anakin wants to kill him, not really, other than the fact that Palpatine told him too. That's mostly what spurred him on to do this, to talk to Anakin so soon after... well, after everything.

“Of course you want to talk.” Anakin says, and Obi-Wan's pretty sure that if he was able he'd be crossing his arms in distaste right about now. Instead, Anakin's mouth twists up into a snarl as he speaks. “You are a negotiator, after all. Well, go on then – _negotiate_ with me.”

Obi-Wan's mouth thins as he presses his lips together, and he has to give himself a moment to compose himself, a moment to think of something to say that isn't along the lines of 'wont negotiate with a Sith'. He's always had something to say quickly, but that doesn't mean it's really the correct thing to say, in that situation. When he finally does speak, however, Obi-Wan is actually really surprised at the calmness to his own voice.

“I'm not here to negotiate with you, Anakin. I just... I just need to ask you some questions.” Anakin squints his eyes at him and it's another good minute before he responds, all the while Obi-Wan is sitting rigidly, scanning Anakin's face for emotion.

“What makes you think I'll answer them?” Anakin asks, a little skeptically, but a moment later and Obi-Wan sees recognition hit him before he gets a chance to say anything. Anakin's mouth drops open, and he gives a shocked noise before snarling out, “The medication. You're going to use it as a truth serum on me, aren't you?” 

“I wouldn't call it-”

“Right, of course you wouldn't. You're still under the impression that you're the good guy here, I'm sorry, I forgot.” Anakin's voice is riddled with sarcasm and it makes Obi-Wan flinch.

Obi-Wan doesn't want to think about the implications, really, to what he's doing, or what Anakin said just now, but he's got no other choice. He needs to understand _how_ any of this could have happened in the first place. How Anakin got corrupted the way he had been. So Obi-Wan forces himself to speak, to push past his personal pain in favor of – hopefully – saving Anakin. He's hurt worse for this man, and really, he's more than ready to hurt a little more. 

“That. Right there.” Obi-Wan says, leaning back on the bench. Anakin raises his eyebrow again. “Why do you assume that I am corrupt? Or evil, even? Just a few days ago, and you trusted the Jedi as much as I did. What were you told that made you think like this?”

Anakin seems taken aback with these questions, like he hadn't expected Obi-Wan to ask them. Or, like he hadn't expected him to care. It doesn't last long though, and Anakin snaps forwards with his words, like a snake moving out to strike. 

“What makes you think I trusted them a few days ago? And because everything I've been told is _lies_. The Jedi Order is nothing more than a bunch of useless old men who think nothing of anything beyond their petty issues – or their desperate need to stay on the Light Side of the Force. You and everyone else there lied to me, made me to believe that the Light Side was pure and _good_. There is nothing good about it. _Nothing_.” 

“How can you be so blind?” Obi-Wan asked loudly, frustrated, and a little shocked. _What exactly had Palpatine told him, to so effectively changed Anakin's ideals this way? And could Palpatine have been corrupting him for a longer time than he'd previously thought?_ Obi-Wan thought incredulously, his mind spinning from their already tense and fast paced conversation. “How can you say there is nothing good in the Light Side of the Force, and yet there are people like Master Yoda, your mother, even... even Padme.” Obi-Wan added, quieter and a little reluctantly.

Anakin's eyes narrowed and his mouth twisted up into an ugly snarl as he pointed a metal finger to Obi-Wan's chest. There was a faint trace of something on Anakin's face, regret, maybe? But it was soon replaced by disgust.

Obi-Wan forced himself not to back away from it, even as everything in his body screamed at him to move away from an angry Anakin. But what Anakin said next had all the air in Obi-Wan's lungs leaving him so fast he became dizzy.

“The only good I ever saw come out of the _Light Side_ was you, and yet that was proven incorrect, wasn't it? And don't bring my mother into this nonsense.” Anakin let his hand drop, looking Obi-Wan over with a careful gaze. After a moment he continued. “I have more power and control over my mind like this, Obi-Wan, and I feel complete for the first time. I don't expect you to understand, I never did. You're too ingrained in the 'good' in the Force, too soft. And unfortunately for you, you got in my way.”

And with that Anakin sighed, closing his eyes, seeming to become suddenly exhausted as all the tension seeped out of his body. Obi-Wan couldn't speak, couldn't bring himself to say anything. Anakin's words held him speechless. _Is that all he was now to Anakin? Just something getting in the way? And what was this, about_ him _being the most good thing in the Light Side of the Force?_ Obi-Wan's mind was reeling, trying to process exactly what had been said.

Obi-Wan ran a hand through his hair, letting out a shaky sigh as he did and leaned forwards, closer to Anakin. Slowly he laced his finger together in front of himself, his body practically vibrating with the urge to do, to say, _something_. 

“I don't understand,” He said, voice tight. “so, please, enlighten me. How is killing people – killing _children –_ being better and stronger than I?” There's a sharp intake of breath, rough and pained, but he doesn't say anything. Obi-Wan looks up at him, and he's suddenly angry, jaw clenching in anger. 

“Well?” He snaps, a little too sharply. Anakin flinches. “How is killing so many people _control,_ Anakin!”

“They were in the way.” Anakin replies, calmly, but there's something else there. He's too quiet, too resigned – like he's holding back, fighting against the urge to say _something_ , and Obi-Wan can't afford to let it slide by. And he's so angry, so frustrated now, that he stands up before he can stop himself. His legs knock against the bench behind him, and Anakin seems to press back against the wall as hard as he can.

“And killing people who are _in the way_ is just another task for you? It's _right? You have taken a life, Anakin_! You are no better than those who took your _mother!_ ” Obi-Wan roars and Anakin's face crumples, too many emotions spreading across his face to list, and he's turning his face away from Obi-Wan.

“I _had_ to! They were – they were in the way. They were -” His breath hitches, and Obi-Wan takes a step back as he blinks back shock, because Anakin looks to be holding back tears. But just as fast as it's there, it's gone, and Anakin turns back to him slowly. “Killing is simply something I have to get used to. It is a small price to pay for everything else. It's _nothing_. And I am _nothing_ like those things that killed her.”

“Why? Because you think your cause is more noble? Killing is _wrong_ , Anakin. Even if you believe, wrongly, that everything about the Jedi is lies, then this is the one thing you must know. Killing is _wrong_. And doing it needlessly? Like you have? That's simply horrid.”

“I had _reason_ , Obi-Wan. Those so called 'children' would have grown up into Jedi, and they would have fought tooth and nail against what we stand for.”

“And what do you stand for? Anakin, Palpatine has told you lies! He is saying whatever you need to hear so he can have you on his side! You are the strongest with the Force, Anakin, and he wants to _use_ that for himself! Can't you see that?”

“My Master-”

“Your _Master_ is _manipulating you_.” Obi-Wan hissed, and he took another step forwards. “What did he promise you, if you joined him? Unlimited power? Immortality? Just because you are the strongest, does not mean power above all, and you can not cheat death. This man was able to hide in plain sight of the Jedi because of his sharp tongue and quick wit – how can you think that he would not use that to his advantage against you?”

There, suddenly, a quick flash of confusion across Anakin's face. So fleeting and scarce that Obi-Wan almost missed it, but he didn't and it sends a cold chill of hope down his spine. It's gone as quick as it appeared though.

“You're trying to confuse me. It wont work.” Anakin hissed, and Obi-Wan sighed, his shoulders sagging. It appeared that he wasn't going to get anywhere else tonight, and if he didn't stop now he was just going to end up saying the same thing back and forth for the rest of the day. He still needed to get them out of this region, so he ran a hand through his hair, and nodded to himself. 

“Alright. That's enough for now. We can talk more later. Right now, I have things to do. You need to rest.” He says, and he hopes Anakin heard him, because the blond is glaring heatedly at a wall and not responding to him.

Obi-Wan lingers there for a moment, before sighing, pushing the bench back into it's resting space before heading out into the other room. As soon as he's away from Anakin, he lets out a sigh, his eyes closing. He can't seem to decide with himself whether or not he'd gotten anywhere. Yes, he'd learned _some_ things, but he hadn't been able to convince Anakin of his wrongs.

That's really what it was, now, what he needed to be doing with Anakin. Anakin had seemed upset by what he'd done, and if Obi-Wan managed to play on that, he might be able to see _his_ Anakin again. Obi-Wan blinked, startled at his own thoughts.

_His_ Anakin? When had he claimed the other as his own, when had he ever first started thinking that way? He shakes his head, heading back over to the helm of the ship. Obi-Wan's probably just tired. Once they're in the air again, set on their course, Obi-Wan thinks he'll let himself get some more sleep. And then, once he's rested more, he can try to talk to Anakin again.

_And if he manages to find Yoda, then he can get his opinion on it, too._ Anything Yoda would say to him would be immensely helpful, even if it was simply a cryptic riddle that he would have to solve for himself. Obi-Wan rolls his shoulders back, sitting down at the chair before himself, and he rubs his neck.

Hopefully, Yoda will even still be alive, or _findable._ Because right now, he's all Obi-Wan has.

 


	9. Concussion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> god this took forever - sorry for the wait guys!!! my computer has been messed up and I haven't been able to do a lot of things I normally would as I attempted to get it fixed - which by the way it still isn't really, it's just gotten manageable. 
> 
> hope this makes up for it - i'm going to be on a more regular schedule now!
> 
> the italicized bit is both a dream and a memory

Obi-Wan has the ship in the air pretty fast, and since he'd locked autopilot on earlier, it gives him time to, well, to sleep. He doesn't really want to go back into the other room, where Anakin is, so he lingers at the helm for longer than necessary. He almost convinces himself that he could stay there for the remaining flight, without having to move, but in the end reason wins. 

Though, Obi-Wan still doesn't want to go in there. Not really, he's too tense, too upset and confused by their earlier conversation. Most of what Anakin had said had been the Sith's ideals, only modified slightly, simplified, but there had been some things that were just Anakin's own. It made him so confused, he couldn't understand it. Instead, he made himself focus on other things, because there was no way he was going to unwind the knot that had settled itself inside his mind. 

He thought, absently, about how he was going to need to meditate again. So soon, after his last one, was just another nail in his coffin, ensuring that this entire  _ thing  _ was  _ insane _ . Obi-Wan shook his head, running his fingers through his hair slowly. He wouldn’t be surprised if he was in fact deemed insane after all of this - what other explanation would there be for him to try so hard so save Anakin, when he wasn’t even sure himself if Anakin was still there to save? 

He glanced over at the room where Anakin was, and once again, felt the sting of tears threaten to spill. He refused them though - he had already given himself time to indulge on his emotions. Right now, he needed to sleep. Again. So Obi-Wan fixed a glass of water, his hands shaking as he went, and made himself go back into their shared quarters. 

Anakin’s head snapped up the second he entered, eyes trailing from Obi-Wan’s face to the glass and back. He seemed intrigued, in a strange, detached kind of way, and it made Obi-Wan swallow hard. Once he was close enough, he offered the glass of water to Anakin, clearing his throat.

“Here. You need to stay hydrated.” Obi-Wan said clearly, trying and failing to keep all emotion from his voice. Anakin’s eyes squinted, thinning in suspicion as he eyed the glass. It took Obi-Wan a moment to figure out why he was doing it, before he scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“It’s not  _ poisoned, _ Anakin.”   


“Oh?” He asked, mock surprised, before he gave in and snatched the glass from Obi-Wan’s hands. Anakin sniffed the contents, like it would give him an idea as to what was in it, before giving a tentative drink. 

Obviously he deemed it worthy, as a moment later and he drank the entire thing in one go. Obi-Wan almost scolded him, but thankfully bit his tongue against it at the last moment. Anakin, as expected, didn’t thank him, and instead he dropped the glass to the floor with a dull thunk. Obi-Wan flinched, before picking it up. He didn’t say anything, even when Anakin was looking at him almost expectantly. 

He just set it down on the bench where it now sat against the wall. This time, Obi-Wan didn’t take his shirt off, and instead dropped down on top of the covers and everything else and let himself close his eyes again. The sound of the engines was almost like a lullaby, and the lights above him once again did little to hinder his sleep. He heard Anakin shifting, moving around, until there was no longer sound from his cot.

Obi-Wan could easily guess that he was laying down, to sleep. So he let out a gentle sigh, and allowed himself, once again, to drift off into sleep.

 

 

_ “What do you  _ mean _ we’re stranded?” Anakin snapped, his words sharp as stone and Obi-Wan closed his eyes against it, a headache starting to pound against his skull like a bass drum. Behind them the ship gave an ominous groan, and something popped loudly, and Obi-Wan didn’t have to turn around to tell that smoke was billowing up out of it’s innards. Anakin jumped back, eyeing the ship like it was suddenly coming alive, and his mouth twisted up into a snarl that could counter a Wookiee’s own.  _ _   
_

_ “Well that’s just great.”  _ _   
_

_ “Anakin, calm yourself. I can hear your anger all the way over here.” Obi-Wan chastised just as he felt a red hot flash of pseudo anger from Anakin that had his headache worsening. Anakin looked over at him, still angry for a moment, before his face melted into one of regret and he apologised, before sending a gentle, soothing feeling through their bond that was at the very least comforting. Obi-Wan couldn’t help but smile then.  _

_ Every time something like that happened, it made Obi-Wan just the more proud and angry for his former Padawan. No matter what the Council said about Anakin being a crazed, anger driven beast, there was still the gentleness inside him that always, despite everything that happened to him, always managed to come out above everything else. Though, that didn’t mean there  _ wasn’t  _ still his temper, and Obi-Wan’s smile faltered when Anakin kicked a piece of scrap metal away from himself. _

_ “Anakin.” _ _   
_

_ “Sorry.” Anakin responded instantly, and he moved over to Obi-Wan, his eyes still on the ship behind him.  _

_ Obi-Wan probably, in retrospect, should have expected that was about to happen, but he didn’t - and when Anakin yelped and was sent flying into him, there was nothing for Obi-Wan to do but give his own startled noise and tumble with Anakin down the hill that was directly behind them.  _

_ Instinct had taken over the second they started falling, and no one could fault Obi-Wan for gripping the back of Anakin’s neck in his hands and tucking his head against his shoulder tightly, effectively protecting him from whiplash or a potential break. Anakin’s own hands gripped Obi-Wan in a bear hug, keeping them so close together that neither could move their legs - not like they could anyway, as they were tumbling so fast it was hard to think.  _

_ When they finally came to a stop, it took Obi-Wan a moment to be able to focus his eyes enough to try and understand where they were. They had fallen into some sort of ravine directly at the base of the hill, and inside it looked to be filled with nothing but dirt. They weren’t in immediate danger, so Obi-Wan let himself go limp, groaning. Anakin let out a grunt, shifting, and only then did Obi-Wan realize that Anakin was, in fact, directly underneath him.  _

_ Obi-Wan lifted his head up, eyes still a little unfocused and stomach rolling with dizziness, and forced himself to inspect Anakin’s face for injury - as he couldn’t with any other part of Anakin, at the moment, seeing as he probably wasn’t going to be able to move for a few good minutes.  _

_ There was a large scrape across Anakin’s forehead, and it was bleeding steadily, but it didn’t appear to be bad enough for too much damage, so Obi-Wan wasn’t too worried. He bunched his robe’s sleeve up, pressing it firmly against the wound on Anakin’s head, much to Anakin’s displeasure.  _ _   
_

_ “ _ _ Ow.” Anakin hissed out, and he let his head drop down heavily against the dirt ground beneath him. Obi-Wan winced in sympathy, wiping away the blood before pressing his robe against the wound again. _ _   
_

_ “Sorry.” He apologized, and Anakin closed his eyes, his face scrunching up in a strange way. He was silent for a while longer, and Obi-Wan was just starting to get worried when Anakin groaned again, his head tilting to the side. _ _   
_

_ “Anakin?” Obi-Wan asked tentatively, and Anakin shook his head, pushing gently on Obi-Wan’s chest. _

_ “I’m gonna vomit.” He managed out, and Obi-Wan just barely managed to lift himself up and off of Anakin before the younger man rolled over and the contents of his stomach came up so fast Obi-Wan didn’t have time to even blink.  _

_ On the second round of it though, Obi-Wan shrugged off his top set of robes, and pulled Anakin’s hair up out of his face. Just in time too, because a second later and Anakin was throwing up again. Obi-Wan winced again, his free hand rubbing soothing circles into Anakin’s back as he attempted to send calming, gentle feelings through their bond to Anakin.  _

_ It didn’t do much, for the most part, but his shoulders weren’t as tight and he seemed less upset. Finally, when it was over, Anakin slumped against Obi-Wan’s shoulder with a groan, cracking an eye open to look at Obi-Wan through his bangs.  _ _   
_

_ “Well,” He said, voice raw from gagging, “It  _ could  _ be worse.” That brought a surprised, almost confused laugh out of Obi-Wan, and he shook his head, propping them both up with an arm. _ _   
_

_ “It could be raining.” Anakin finished with his own laugh, and Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. Only Anakin would be able to laugh off a potential concussion.  _

 

 

Obi-Wan woke to something hitting his face, and he was sitting up at attention before he even had time to register what had happened. He looked around for a moment, before his eyes landed on the pillow that had tumbled down into his lap. 

He blinked, eyebrows furrowing in confusion.  _ What?  _ Anakin cleared his throat, and Obi-Wan looked up, and it took him less than a second to realize that the pillow in his lap was Anakin’s, which he must have thrown at him. Obi-Wan opened his mouth, about to ask just what the  _ hell  _ Anakin was doing, but Anakin beat him to it.   


“I have to fucking piss.” He snapped out, and whether it was from the medicine or just from what he’d had to ask, Obi-Wan could practically hear the embarrassment in his voice, let alone see it on his face.   


“Oh.” Obi-Wan said quietly, and he realized suddenly that he hadn’t actually realized that he was going to have to move Anakin to the ‘fresher and back on a regular basis, now that he no longer had legs. 

This was going to be a long trip.


	10. Codependency

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hoooo i don't like how this chapter flows, but I couldn't get it to sound better so : P  
> but the plot thickens at least xD

Obi-Wan ran a hand down his face and told himself he could do this. He was going to be one hundred percent professional, he wasn't going to think about the possibility of Anakin trying to kill him. Or the fact that he was going to have to hold Anakin up so he could alleviate himself.

_Damn_ , Obi-Wan cursed internally, closing his eyes for a moment. This was going to be, simply put, _uncomfortable_. At the _least_. But it needed to be done. It'd be worse if Obi-Wan just left Anakin and he ended up having to go on the floor or something as equally disgusting. Obi-Wan sighed, opening his eyes to Anakin, who was still staring at him expectantly, but Obi-Wan couldn't have missed the redness to his cheeks even if he'd wanted to.

This was just as bad, if not worse, for Anakin. So Obi-Wan stole himself, collecting his willpower, and made himself stand up. Just as he came to a stop before Anakin he realized he'd have to carry the younger man again, and this send him back into hesitancy.

He didn't particularly feel like getting clawed to death by Anakin's hand anytime soon. But Anakin was still looking at him like he was both bored and angered, and before Obi-Wan could question it, Anakin spoke.

“Are you just going to stand there all day or are you actually going to be useful?” He growled out, and Obi-Wan's mouth narrowed out into a thin line.

Ah, yes. Right. He bent down, scooping Anakin once again into his arms, and tried his hardest to ignore the strange feeling that burned in his stomach when he did. The trip to the 'fresher was short and uneventful, and thankfully deprived of any attacks from Anakin, but Obi-Wan wouldn't put it past him. At this point he was constantly on the lookout for an attack, and wasn't about to drop his guard simply because Anakin was going to the toilet.

The door to the 'fresher opened with a satisfying sound, and Obi-Wan stepped through the threshold of the room, eyes squinting slightly from the contrast of white and the bright lights. Anakin's face did something similar, but he seemed more angered than annoyed, which unnerved Obi-Wan once again.

Suddenly, part of his dream came back to him, and he had to bite his lip against the memory. Back then, he always thought Anakin could do no more harm than he could good. Because he was always ready to be kind, to reassure, or to help when he'd hurt someone. But now it seemed that if he did something good, he had to cover it with death. Maybe that's what he was making up for – all the years of innocence, shrouded by more years of violence.

Well, if Obi-Wan had anything to say about it, then there wasn't going to _be_ anymore death. Come hell or high water, Obi-Wan was going to fix Anakin, even if he fell in the possess. Obi-Wan moved forwards, situating himself in front of the toilet, and he stared at it for a moment of confusion.

_How was he going to do this?_ The easiest way appeared to be putting Anakin's bottom against the toilet lid, but that didn't seem sanitary with his injuries, and he bit his lip again as he thought. In the end Obi-Wan sucked in a deep breath, preparing himself, before he lowered himself down on one knee and held Anakin around the waist so he was stabilized.

He was met with a wall of scarred, tanned, and well muscled back before himself and he couldn't help the flush that rose to his cheeks. Obi-Wan cleared his throat, looking away.

“Go ahead. I'm not looking.” He said quietly, and Anakin grunted in response, before he moved his gown in a jagged, awkward angle. It didn't take long for Anakin to finish, but the entire time felt much longer to Obi-Wan, and he was sure that by the time Anakin told him to get up that his entire face was redder than sun kissed sand on a hot day. Obi-Wan was quick in leaving the bathroom, trying to keep himself and his thoughts as far away from that situation as possible.

A earthshaking, gut wrenching boom echoed across the hull of the ship that send Obi-Wan and Anakin crashing to the ground. Obi-Wan managed to land with his back and shoulder taking most of the fall, and he couldn't help the yell that tore from his mouth. Anakin yelped, and his metal had made an almost screech as it landed firmly on the ground in front of him. 

“The _fuck?_ ” Anakin shouts, and Obi-Wan puts his other arm around Anakin, pressing his hand into the floor to lift himself up, but he only get's about halfway up before there's another explosion and he just barely catches himself from dropping fully onto Anakin. Obi-Wan doesn't know what it is, but he has a guess, and he hopes to the Force that he's wrong. 

“Stay here.” Obi-Wan snaps, and Anakin gives him a look like he's an idiot and maybe he is, but he's not taking any chances. “You know what I mean.” He adds, before getting up and making a beeline for the helm.

Just as he gets there there's another explosion, this time so close he can see sparks fly over the front of the ship and he curses and sits down in the pilots chair. 

“Oh _no_.” Obi-Wan's eyes widen and his mouth is dropping open, because he can see the ship, and he can feel who's there. It's Palpatine. He'd found them – how, Obi-Wan isn't positive, but he had, and they've just been shot out of auto pilot, and Obi-Wan makes himself press the right bottoms to get the ship moving again, even when his hands are shaking so hard he's afraid he wont be able to touch some of them.

They are not only in firing range, but eyesight of the Emperor, and Obi-Wan swears he's not felt fear this strong in a long time. But he's not afraid for himself – he's afraid because he doesn't want Anakin to be taken back by Palpatine.

A thought hits him like a brick to the face, however, and his mouth drops open. Palpatine _can't_ tell that Anakin is alive because of the Force Inhibitor. So what he's doing right now is, is what? Revenge? He's not trying to board them – he's trying to take them down. 

“ _Force_.” Obi-Wan breathes, and then he's careening forwards as the ship is struck once again. 

“What the hell is happening?” Anakin's voice, suddenly loud and clear, comes from somewhere behind him, and Obi-Wan doesn't have time to deal with him. He ignores him, pushing the ship as hard as he can as he swings it to the side, trying to get them out of the range of the blaster canons.

They need to get away before they're killed. Is this ship fast enough though? It's not like he knows the exact statistics of the other ship, and even if he did he doubts they're faster than it. He's hoping their size is an advantage – Palpatine's ship is so much bigger than their own. 

“ _Obi-Wan!_ ” Anakin shouts as another hit lands, and Obi-Wan can't stop himself as he shouts back.

“ _What?!_ ”

“What is going on?” Anakin has managed to crawl to the copilots seat, and is clutching it with his hand, and he's got to see Palpatine's ship by now. But Obi-Wan can't stop long enough to talk to him, not really, but Anakin's filling in the gaps by himself.

“That's – but he's shooting to take us down!” Anakin screams, and Obi-Wan is so startled by the sheer betrayal in his voice that he is shocked into looking at him, and his mouth drops open.

Anakin's eyes are wide and afraid, confused and heartbroken, and he's so ridged that he's shaking. He looks like he'd just realized that the greatest thing he'd ever been told had been utter hogwash – like he's realized that he's been betrayed. And as much as Obi-Wan wants to dwell on it, he has to force himself to think about it later, because he's got about no hope of escaping if he's not paying attention.

Hell, he doesn't think he's going to escape anyway – he's not a skilled pilot for Force's sake, he's never been good at this – he'd always trusted Anakin with these things. And now Obi-Wan's going to get them killed. He glances down at Anakin for a second, his entire body screaming at him to forget this, but an explosion that's a direct hit on their engines makes him force the words out of his mouth.

“Anakin I need your help.” He hisses out, and now it's Anakin's turn to watch him in confusion. His mouth is open and confused, and he looks like he's ready to run away, but Obi-Wan doesn't give him time to try. “Anakin, I can't – I _can't_ get us out of here. If we're going to live I need you to help me.”

“How the fuck am I supposed to do that?” Anakin shouts, gesturing to himself. “I have not limbs!”

“You have an arm and I sure as hell help, now are you in or not?” Obi-Wan practically begs, his body slamming into the helm as the ship is sent careening to the left. Anakin's biting his lip, looking between the helm and Obi-Wan, and Obi-Wan's tempted to just ignore him and try anyway. But then Anakin's hand slams into his leg and Obi-Wan blinks down at him.

“Get me up there.” Anakin snaps, and Obi-Wan obliges, lifting Anakin into his lap so that the younger man can grab the directional controller with his hand, and Obi-Wan grabs it with his other. Obi-Wan wraps his other hand around Anakin's waist, anchoring him, and he doesn't even have time to be embarrassed about any of this or to worry about Anakin killing him – because the threat of death from _outside_ of the ship is much more imminent then anything Anakin could do.

There's a second of silence, of non movement, before Anakin is moving them so fast Obi-Wan can hardly keep up with his movements. There's another explosion, but it doesn't hit them, instead going off prematurely and Anakin's barking orders at Obi-Wan like they aren't going to hate each other again after all of this.

Obi-Wan almost wishes they don't have to go back to that, ever, because like this he can almost forget what and who is after them. But true to his history as ever, and Anakin has them away from Palpatine so fast it's like he wasn't even a threat in the first place.

But Anakin's not moving, instead he's doing something else with the controls. It takes Obi-Wan a moment to figure out he's accessing the flight log, trying to see where Obi-Wan's taking them. He notices too late though, and even when he slaps Anakin's hand away the blond knows exactly what's going on.

“Why are you taking us _there?_ ” Anakin asks, his voice almost mocking, but not hostile. Obi-Wan bristles.

“I have business I need to attend to.”

“Oh really?” Anakin's eyebrow shoots up, and he's scanning Obi-Wan's face for any sign of – hell, Obi-Wan's not sure what he's looking for.

But he is sure that they realize their position at the same time, because Anakin's face turns red the same time Obi-Wan feels his own heat up. They're quiet for a minute, their eyes still locked on each other, before Obi-Wan forces himself to break the silence. 

“I need to get you back into bed.” He mutters, turning his head away, and Anakin nods, his hand sliding away from the controls. 

“Right.” He says, quietly. 

“Yes.” Obi-Wan replies, his throat tight.

 


	11. Useless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is heavy on the Obi-Angst and emotions that he feels as I thought it about time I explain just how far his feelings went regarding what has happened to Anakin.  
> also there's another flashback because why not

They don't talk about anything as Obi-Wan carries Anakin back to his bed. No biting, offensive comments, no hissing insults or threats of death – no making up, either, but Obi-Wan doesn't expect that so soon – if at all. Before, silence was something Obi-Wan would have craved in favor of Anakin's hatred, but now it makes his skin itch and his mind go to about a hundred different directions with no purpose.

He's been in his mind this entire time, and really, he hasn't had anyone to talk to – not like he needs to. Obi-Wan needs someone to work out his thoughts with, to help him talk it out, and where Anakin used to stand for that there is now a gaping emptiness that Obi-Wan feels every second. Maybe that's what he wanted out of Yoda most of all – not if Anakin was a monster, or if he could be saved, but someone he could talk to about all of this without worrying he'd get killed for what he said.

Then again, maybe he just needed information. Could he do this by himself? It was the cruelest irony of all – could Obi-Wan manage to save Anakin without Anakin's help? He didn't know.

He just wanted – hell, Obi-Wan just wanted Anakin back. And the sooner he got to Yoda, the sooner he was able to get information, and the sooner he'd be able to try and save him. But before – at the helm. Anakin had seen the betrayal in Palpatine – even if it was technically misled, he still saw what would eventually happen.

Obi-Wan didn't feel like reminding Anakin that Palpatine thought him dead, not when Anakin feeling betrayed by the Emperor could be so helpful in bringing him back to himself. Obi-Wan set Anakin down gently, hesitating a moment, barely that, before he was once again moving towards the helm. He sighed as he walked, the palm of his hand pressing into his eye gently.

Obi-Wan had succeeded in taking Anakin away from Palpatine, from what he could have become if he'd been left to him – or even, death, really. But now Obi-Wan had the task of showing Anakin himself – showing him the figurative mirror to his soul to remind him that he wasn't the monster that Palpatine had pained him as. Obi-Wan needed to find the mirror first, though.

As the Jedi sat down, gracelessly, he calculated the time left to get to where Yoda _might_ be – or information was. About six more hours. Hell, it'd been hardly any time at all, but it felt like years already. He tilted his head back, letting out a long suffering sigh, his eyes on the ceiling but seeing nothing, really. Obi-Wan took stock of himself, how he was feeling, both physically and emotionally.

His body ached, but less than it had, and the constant press of sleep behind his eyes had dulled to a manageable thrum of drowsiness. His back was starting to get sore from his impact with the control panels back on Mustafar, stinging in protest every time Obi-Wan pressed against the back of the chair. Emotionally, Obi-Wan felt raw and exposed. Like a wire. He felt – he felt useless. Broken. Incompetent. Sad. Pitiful, really.

But mostly he felt guilt. A burning sense of guilt that started in his heart and crept downwards until it froze in the pit of his stomach. Force, he was turning out to be a lousy Jedi. He felt too much, too strongly, and hell – he could admit it to himself, at least.

He had an attachment. Why else would he have betrayed himself, the people he stood for, and the Council just to save Anakin? Why else did he feel no real remorse, why else did he know for a fact that he would do all of this the same way a hundred times over just to protect Anakin? Even after everything he'd done -after the children, after – after Padme. Obi-Wan closed his eyes against the sadness of her loss washed over him once again.

He hadn't really dwelt on it for long before, hadn't been able to, really. It felt like a knife to the chest every time he did think of it. Of how Anakin had snapped the poor girls neck with a twist of his hand, and Obi-Wan had been able to do nothing to stop him. It simply showed what love _Darth Vader_ possessed, which was none. It was to demonstrate just how corrupted Anakin had become, and to show that he wouldn't hesitate to do the same to Obi-Wan given the chance.

Then her child – Anakin had killed not only Padme, but her unborn child – Anakin had killed his own child. Obi-Wan sighed, closing his eyes tightly.

He should have seen that someone, if not Palpatine, but _someone_ would try and corrupt Anakin. He was practically perfect for it – his temper, his love, his need for vengeance and his terrifying protective streak.

Obi-Wan had seen it many times, over and over again, just how far Anakin was willing to go sometimes for even the smallest of transgressions.

  
  
_“Anakin!” Obi-Wan screamed, his eyes frantically scanning the fight before him, trying to make out Anakin among the swarm of angry bodies – but it was near impossible, and Obi-Wan felt sick watching, unable to locate his Padawan, as he was potentially being killed before his eyes. Obi-Wan was frozen, couldn't get himself to move. To try and find him._

_All he could do was watch as the local citizens, the teenagers, beat something within their group. Force, Obi-Wan didn't even know if Anakin was in there. He was tempted to leave, to see if he could find Anakin elsewhere, but stopped just as he made to move as a shout came from the group.  
_

_“Master!” It was weak, and shaking with effort, but it was unmistakably Anakin, and Obi-Wan was charging past the gathering crowd without a second thought and right into the mass of bodies._

_He grabbed one boy, one of the younger ones attacking Anakin, and pulled him away like he was nothing. Right after he grabbed two more, a girl and a boy, and pushed them aside – but there was no dent in the anger and strength to the fight, and now that he was closer he could see Anakin – just barely through their bodies, and they weren't being gentle._

_Obi-Wan growled, taking a step back, before giving a metaphorical 'screw it' to the sky as he drew his 'saber, igniting it with a growl.  
_

_“Get away!” He roared, voice fueled by the Force and it echoed across the courtyard in a eerie cry of anger, and the group before him stilled, before quietly backing away, to reveal Anakin, curled in a ball and bloody, his body shaking with tremors. Obi-Wan's 'saber dropped from his hand, shutting off mid-fall, and Obi-Wan dropped to his knees before the smaller man.  
_

_“_ _Anakin.” He said frantically, cradling Anakin's face in his hands, scanning him – cataloging his injuries._

_His cheek was purple and swollen, his eye similar, a bleeding cut on his lips, potentially broken ribs. Obi-Wan had to fight back tears as he stared at the beaten body before him. Anakin coughed, his eyes squinting as he opened them, blinking against blood that had somehow managed to get to his eyes.  
_

_“What on earth were you doing?” Obi-Wan breathed out, voice tight with emotion. Anakin grimaced, before he let a grin crack across his lips. Obi-wan blinked in confusion.  
_

_“_ _He called the Jedi useless, Master.” Anakin all but laughed out, eyes crinkling with his smile. Obi-Wan's mouth dropped open, and he let out a wheezing breath, questions caught in his throat. “So I hit him. The rest of them just kinda showed up, though.”_

_Obi-Wan couldn't decide if he was more angry or terrified for Anakin's safety, so he went with annoyed, and flicked him on the nose.  
_

_“Reckless boy.” Obi-Wan snapped beneath his unshed tears, and Anakin giggled, patting his hand, which still lay on his cheek.  
_

_“Sorry, Master.”_

 

Anakin had been a fool that day, and unfortunately it hadn't been the last time he'd gotten into a fight needlessly, or tried to trigger something happening from his anger. Obi-Wan had been lenient at first – he was an emotion fueled child, Obi-Wan knew what that felt like.

He didn't really have an exact time frame for when Anakin had shifted, had turned more angry, but it was quick and it had taken Obi-Wan longer than it should have to begin treating Anakin's emotions like he should have to begin with. Anger was dangerous and Anakin had so much of it.

It sometimes had frightened Obi-Wan. He sighed, shoulders sagging drastically as he stared at the controls. This was entirely his fault – for not being there for Anakin like he should have been. Hell, it was his fault too, for trying to teach Anakin like he knew what he was doing when in reality he had no knowledge and was almost constantly scared of screwing something up.

Some Jedi he turned out to be. Obi-Wan knew he was a failure.

He rubbed his face, grunting as he sat up. Yes, he had failed – but he could worry about his own self served punishment later.

Right now he needed to get Anakin back, despite his own faults or flaws, he had more important things he needed to worry about.

Like finding Yoda.

 


	12. Lost And Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jfc i am so sorry. i'd go through the trouble of saying an excuse but really i just got into a writers block after the majority of this chapter and a few others were lost when i had to replace my laptop : P  
> I apologize for the long wait though and HOPEFULLY I won't make you wait this long next time  
> also sorry this one is short as it is I couldn't figure out how to make it longer xP
> 
> also idk if TIE fighters are around ATM but I'm adding them because they're useful to the plot : P

The air seemed almost to be full of heat and water, damp but not oppressive as other jungle like climates Obi-Wan had had the opportunity to encounter. It did, however, have a sense of isolation that sat heavy on his shoulders as he scanned his surroundings, his boots landing heavy against the metal ramp beneath his feet as he walked. There was hardly any sound to the jungle, despite Obi-Wan’s scans indicating various wildlife that was littering the land thickly. 

He sighed, running a hand roughly through his hair, turning his eyes back towards the ship’s interior where Anakin sat, crippled. They’d spoken, rather briefly after their landing - really, Obi-Wan had done most of the talking, telling Anakin his plans while here. Food, for starters, and some clothes for them to appear less… well, less like Jedi.

He didn’t mention his hopes for finding Yoda, and it actually took himself a moment to remember that Anakin didn’t know and couldn’t unless he told him, the Force Inhibitor once again making his stomach churn. Obi-Wan’s hand rested against the ‘saber at his hip, covered by his shirt so that even if someone saw it they would think it no more than an odd trinket for an odd outsider. 

Hopefully they wouldn’t see him for what he was, and even if they did, Obi-Wan couldn’t easily just tell them to forget. Beside it lay a satchel with any currency Obi-Wan could find and a few various items that could be worth a trade. With a deep, soul crushing breath Obi-Wan stepped off the ramp and let it slowly rise back up, shutting Anakin off from the rest of the world once more and starting Obi-Wan’s trip into the ‘town’ he’d seen on his scanners. 

His footing was heavy and sluggish, his mind full to the brim with more than one thought, but it kept him moving and really that’s all he needed now. Even if it took him a few hours to reach his destination, it was better than staying there. With each passing step, each foot and each mile he walked away from Anakin there was a sense of relief and increasing worry that was settling itself behind his ribcage. 

The idea - no, the  _ fear _ of Anakin leaving him now was almost as painful as when they’d fought on Mustafar and twice as suffocating. Yet the relief that he felt, from not constantly looking over his shoulder or having to think of how Anakin looked now and just  _ how  _ that’d happened might have been enough for him to smile. Instead, the two emotions battled in his heart like hungry lions after a baby rabbit. 

As he walked, he set his jaw, and Obi-Wan knew that this was going to be a long, lonely walk. By the time Obi-Wan actually managed to get into town, it was neering afternoon and he suspected it’d be well into nighttime by the time he was able to make his way back to Anakin. 

The land before him was flat, cleared by hands specifically setting out to build this outpost and thought there weren’t many there was enough ships docked nearby to raise a sense of worry. 

He’d opted to not fly directly into the port mainly for the reason of his ship looking so expensive and the fear of someone stealing it, but also someone recognizing it. He wasn’t too keen on another fight so close to their last. 

Obi-Wan made quick work of entering the town, his eyes sharp and wise as he watched the people there eye him or try to sell him things he didn’t need. Their accents were thick though, and their appearance resembled that of bugs yet slightly more humanoid, obviously. 

He paused, eyeing a strange looking fruit stand with suspicion. It was tempting, but he’d much rather stick to things like dried meat than strange fruit that could just as easily kill them as feed. Though he did stop to ask the woman - he  _ thought  _ it was a woman, at least - a question.

“Where might I find clothing?” Obi-Wan asked, and the bug like creature made a clicking noise, her mandibles rubbing together strangely. But before Obi-Wan had a chance to regret his decision to ask, she pointed on long, clawed hand like appendage towards the right.

“That way.” She clacked out and Obi-Wan nodded, offering his thanks before leaving so fast he made himself dizzy. It wasn’t that he was afraid of her or the other beings here, but he had to admit their appearance and manner of speech did rub him the wrong way. 

He feared what they could be capable of, so he opted to keep a rather polite air about him as he spoke to the people here. The stand which the woman had pointed him to was smaller than most, and many of the clothes there were not fit for his or Anakin’s body types - but rather the strangeness of the natives. Which, granted, was to be expected but Obi-Wan wouldn’t mind finding nothing more than cloth to use to make clothes himself. 

His ability to sew was mostly medical but he doubted it’d be that hard to figure out, anyway. He sifted through the clothing articles, giving each a thorough glance and weighing their possible use before something caught his eye. Obi-Wan lifted it, and sure enough it was a pair of long, black trousers. And underneath them lay various other human clothing, most likely having laid there for years. Three shirts, and two pairs of pants - each slightly too large for Obi-Wan but he wasn’t about to be picky. 

It was safer than going around in what he wore now. He reached for a few coins, holding them up for the creature to examine. It started at them for a moment, seemingly contemplating whether to accept or not, but he eventually gurgled out his acceptance and took them from Obi-Wan’s hand.

Obi-Wan grabbed his items, quickly walking away. He needed to see if there was any new of Yoda or any other Jedi in the tavern. He was almost tempted to change into the new garments before going into the  tavern, but he chose against it. That’d bring more attention to him then not. 

He fastened the two shirts and pants to his belt, carefully adjusting them to cover his ‘saber before he made a beeline for the bar. It was shabby outside, at best, and he could already smell a foul odor before he was even more than a good three feet from the door. He couldn’t be certain what it was but, he suspected it might have something to do with bug vomit. As Obi-Wan stepped into the room, the air instantly grew thick and heavy, overbearing and he sneered his nose. 

The smell was much worse now and it made him nauseous but he ignored it, instead going to the bar and ordering whatever it was the bug man gurgled at him. Obi-Wan wasn’t really going to drink it, but it looked better for him to at least  _ seem  _ like he was trying to get drunk. 

When the bug man gave him a thick, back glass with clear fluid inside he nodded and turned his gaze onto the bar. His eyes, sharp as ever, scanned the patrons quickly. Most were the bug like creatures, a few were various others he’d seen before and there was one, mean looking human resting against the bar. 

Obi-Wan was tempted to try and prod his mind for information but he chose to go it the old fashioned way and went towards him, smiling as the ginger man grunted in acknowledgement of his presence.

“Hello,” Obi-Wan started, and the man eyed him strangely in a way Obi-Wan wasn’t familiar with, but it sent a shiver of dread down his back. There was something off about this man and not just the way he started looking at Obi-Wan’s clothes like he might be figuring something out for himself.

“Fancy outfit.” He grunted, nodding his head to indicate his Jedi clothing. “Where’d you get ‘em?”

“Off a dead man.” Obi-Wan smiled easily through the dark lie and the man seemed slightly intrigued now.

“You kill him?” The ginger asked and Obi-Wan simply chuckled, hiding his disgust at himself about the lie with a wider grin like he was enjoying himself. That seemed to be the sort of answer he was looking for as he laughed throaty, patting Obi-Wan on the back. Obi-Wan sighed quietly. 

“Can I ask if you’ve been in the air today? I could have sworn I’d seen some rather strange ships flying around.”

“Hnn, you mean the TIE fighters.” The ginger said and Obi-Wan felt his stomach drop. “Some big fight happened with the Jedi and their, I dunno, enemies? Don’t know what they’d call ‘em but the Jedi lost and they’re out looking for stragglers.” He turned eyeballing Obi-Wan again.

“They’re payin’ a good price, actually, an’ I bet you’d bet a good price for them clothes. Heck, I’d even buy ‘em from ya’. They look like Jedi garments to me.”

“Really?” Obi-Wan asked, mock surprise in his voice, looking down at himself. “I don’t think the man I got them from was a Jedi.”

“Could'a been someone trying to sell them ‘emselves. Either way, you got a price for ‘em?” He lifted his drink, grinning toothless. “I’ve got a tab to pay off an’  those flyin’ death balls might pay a nice price.” Obi-Wan sighed, closing his eyes. This hadn’t really gone the way he’d planned. No information he needed, in the slightest. He’d best be off before he attracted any of those ‘flying death balls’.

“You don’t want to buy my clothes,” Obi-Wan said, raising his hand as he swept it past the man’s line of vision, the Force thrumming through him like a spark of electricity. The man’s eyes glazed over, and in an almost robotic voice he repeated what Obi-Wan had told him. 

And with that he spun, his ‘drink’ left on the table with a few coins beside it to pay off his tab. At least this trip wasn’t entirely useless. He  _ had  _ managed to get clothing for him and Anakin, after all. Obi-Wan faltered in his steps, realising then that he hadn’t thought about Anakin almost all day since he’d actually left the ship. 

It made something inside him burn with self-loathing and he shook his head, moving forwards. He needn't dawdle anymore, he had things to do. Not to mention, if what that man said was true then Palpatine was already sending scouts out looking for him. 

Lost to his own thoughts, Obi-Wan missed the short being that he about stepped on, tripping out of the way with a grunt of surprise.

“Excuse m-” Obi-Wan spoke, but his words got logged into his throat as his eyes widened on the being before him, wrinkled and green and giving him an almost amused look - if not for the sorrow Obi-Wan could see there. His mouth dropped open, and he stumbled again in attempt to get his balance back.

“Master Yoda.” He breathed, and watched as Yoda offered him a small smile.


	13. Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hoo im on a roll lets see how long this lasts!  
> and i hope this is good, my yoda is not great (honestly i spent the most time writing Yoda's lines than anything else) yet i tried to portray the mindset he may have been in after the battle with palpatine and how/why hes exiling himself in the first place

It was like a cinder block had been suddenly removed from Obi-Wan’s chest and he could breathe again. The sheer relief of knowing Yoda to be alive he almost was tempted to hug the small man but just stopped himself before he bent down to try and do so. He doubted Yoda would have enjoyed that but Obi-Wan hadn’t seen any other Jedi since Mustafar and he felt just a little less alone.

Yoda looked him over, humming to himself as he did, and only then did Obi-Wan notice his clothes. Gone were the Jedi master robes, replaced with dark and tattered traveling garments and Obi-Wan could see no ‘saber on him. It worried him that Yoda was unarmed, thought if anyone could stand their own without a weapon it was probably Yoda. Finally Yoda turned, walking towards a corner of the building that was shrouded in darkness, waving a hand at Obi-Wan to incite him to follow.

Obi-Wan hesitated a moment before he did, following Yoda and taking a seat across the table from him. He didn’t speak, didn’t utter a sound as he was simply content to be in the presence of the other man. Company of someone who wasn’t trying to kill him was rather nice, if Obi-Wan could say anything of it.

All he’d had was Anakin and even then, he hadn’t been able to feel his Force signature this entire time - so it was almost like he was talking to a ghost or an empty shell with Anakin’s face. To the Force, Anakin was dead. It made Obi-Wan shudder, a hand rubbing gently against his chest as he felt an ache deep within him.

He wondered then how it would have felt to have Anakin actually be dead, and not just cut from the Force. The thought makes his face pale, so he shoves it aside and turns his gaze back to Yoda, who was giving him a strange look. But before he could ask of it, Yoda interrupted his thoughts.

“Troubled you are,” Yoda said, pausing and sighing deep in his chest. “Anakin you are concerned with, written on your face, grief is.”

He folded his hands carefully on the table, his brow wrinkled with concern and the withering sorrow Obi-Wan had noticed when he’d first spotted him. Suddenly he realizes, again, what exactly the Force Inhibitor can do to someone.

Yoda, despite his great power and wisdom, probably suspects Anakin _dead_ because his Force signature is gone. Obi-Wan swallows as the sinking feeling of what’s happened begins to rest on his shoulders. To the Jedi it looks like he fled and abandoned his duties. To the Sith it looks like he killed Anakin.

Most other Jedi probably would have already accused him of being a traitor, but Yoda just worries that he’s feeling upset. And out of everyone he knows, Yoda is the one his trusts most. If anyone should know the truth, it’s Yoda. He clears his throat, running a hand through his head in a manner that’s become a nervous habit.

“Master Yoda-” He starts, but Yoda holds a hand up to stop him.

“Drop the Master, you will.” Yoda said, his voice rough with hidden emotion and Obi-Wan stalled, swallowing thickly. Yoda said nothing else, so he nodded, heading the others words.

“Yoda-” He began again, closing his eyes for a moment. “I must tell you. Anakin is not dead. He lives, but just barely, and I’m not sure how much of _Anakin_ is left.” A sound escaped Yoda and Obi-Wan looked up, surprised to see slight shock written on the others features. Then Yoda’s face went grim and he hummed again, his hands clenching around each other.

“What have you done?” Obi-Wan swallows thickly, his gaze going down to the table. He’s paused, no words managing to escape because he has to explain this to Master Yoda. Explain how he went against all his training and instincts because of - of what? Obi-Wan isn’t even sure himself. “Out with it, speak you must.” Yoda roughly commands and Obi-Wan nods.

“On - on Mustafar, Anakin… he killed his wife.” Obi-Wan says, his hands trembling as he finally speaks these words allowed and the grief of her loss and what Anakin was now came rushing back to him. “And he fought me. I severed his limbs from him and would have left him to die. I should have left him to die, Mas- Yoda. But I _couldn’t_. I don’t know what it was but the idea of his death was too much to bear, and I brought him with me onto the ship and I… I collared him. I cut off his use of the Force to protect myself but now it seems that everyone thinks him dead because of my careless actions.”

“Prove to be useful, that may.” Yoda said thoughtfully, leaning back. “Advantage you have here. What is your plan now?”

“I - I don’t know.” Obi-Wan said, shocked and wrecked at Yoda’s nonchalance at his words. He could sense a feeling of shame shrouded around Yoda like a cape, but under that he felt mild amusement and a feeling of joy and Obi-Wan couldn't understand it. “I am terrified of Anakin and what he is but I cannot leave him as much as I could turn to darkness. I don’t know how to save him or - or if I even can. Should I not try? Is he beyond help?” As he speaks Obi-Wan realizes just how _true_ his words really are and how much he feels lost. Yoda hums again.

“Only you can see that now. Last of the Jedi, you are. Darkness he has succumbed to, and fear I do of his intentions. Help I cannot give, deserving I am not.” He closed his eyes and Obi-Wan leaned back, shocked by his words. Yoda seemed almost… detached. Like, even if he _had_ an opinion he wouldn’t voice it. _Why? What happened? Why was he the last of the Jedi?!_

“And you? Where are you to go? What _happened_?” Yoda groaned and shook his head, rubbing a hand over his chin.

“Exiled, I am. I must leave. It is of no importance. Safe you must keep yourself.”

“ _Exiled_?” Obi-Wan gasped, leaning forwards in fear. “Surely you can’t be serious? I need your help, Master Yoda!”

“No. You do not.” And with that Yoda stood, ending their conversation and Obi-Wan felt lost suddenly, alone and afraid and as Yoda made to leave he grasped the shorter man’s sleeve to halt him. His expression held the swirling emotions inside of him and Yoda gave him a sympathetic look, his hand gently resting on Obi-Wan’s own. “Yourself you must trust in, hmm?”

And with that he untangled Obi-Wan’s fingers from his clothing and walked away, leaving Obi-Wan sitting there, lost and confused, afraid of losing another person. He sat there, for far longer than he should have, staring at the door of the bar.

It felt almost like Yoda was dead now too. Everyone he’d known and cared for was gone and Obi-Wan could do nothing more than sit there and watch as it happened, like he was unable to control his body.

Slowly, like an old man might, Obi-Wan lifted himself from his seat and mechanically moved outside, the air much more clear and calm outside yet he felt his loneliness like a drug, keeping him sedated.

Obi-Wan didn’t feel the need to cry, nor did he feel the need to scream in agony - instead he felt nothing as he slowly made his way back to the jungle, to Anakin, everything in his mind emptying like he’d sprung a leak.

There was no sign of Yoda as he left, but then again, he wasn’t looking.


	14. Please Hate Yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aaaa this chapter was so hard to write - i couldn't figure out how tf to get them to need to go to Tatooine to hide out
> 
> also - just a little thing to interest my readers, the children are going to come up soon (maybe not the next chapter but soon)
> 
> also also shameless anakin chest ogling is shameless

As he suspected it was nighttime when he managed to near the ship, but it did little to calm his nerves. The feeling of emptiness was heavy around Obi-Wan as he came upon his ship, the sky an inky black and the only thing keeping him from getting lost was the Force, gently nudging him in the right direction. The clothes at his hip and his ‘saber felt like bricks he was lugging around for sentiment alone, and he almost dropped them to try and get rid of the feeling. 

Obi-Wan didn’t actually do it though. He needed them as much as Anakin did. Obi-Wan paused, his hand against a tree to hold his weight as he pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers. Yoda’s words slowly replayed back in his head, mocking him for not understanding them for what they were. Even though Yoda didn’t really help, per say, his information had still been useful. That comment about him being the last Jedi wouldn’t have been said for convenience or for exaggeration. 

Yoda wasn’t really one to exaggerate, after all, and even if he was Obi-Wan still felt some leftover meaning in his words. What did it mean though, that he was the last? Were the others all  _ dead _ ? Surely that couldn’t be, but the feeling was there now and he couldn’t cast it aside. What if all the others  _ were  _ all dead? What if none but he, Master Yoda, and Anakin had escaped the wrath of the Sith’s anger. 

And then again, what if they weren’t dead. What did Yoda’s words mean  _ then _ if there truly were other Jedi left? Could… could he mean to say that the others were not truly Jedi, that perhaps they were on the Dark side now? It didn’t make sense. Why would so many Jedi betray their entire lives works to help some shriveled, old, vile man? All the Jedi he knew would gladly die before becoming a Sith. Not just that, but what was this about Yoda being exiled? 

What in god’s name could have happened to shame Yoda in such a manner? Obi-Wan sighed again,  his eyes opening slowly, trailing lazily around the jungle before himself. He didn’t know what was going on. Obi-Wan just wanted… what did he want? A moment of peace definitely, but after that? What was his plan, to go charging in half cocked with him and Anakin to attack Palpatine? Even if he  _ did  _ manage to help Anakin that didn’t mean anything about stopping the Emperor. 

Them alone would most likely be a flea bite to him, let alone an actual attack. So then, where was he to go? It wasn’t like he could just settle down or anything. He was a criminal in the eyes of the Jedi and an enemy to the Sith, they’d scoured everywhere for him. There was nowhere in the galaxy he could think of that was safe from Palpatine. Obi-Wan’s mouth drew up in a grimace as he closed his eyes momentarily, before pushing himself away from the tree. 

What was he to do? He was so lost and - and, admittedly terrified of everything. Of Palpatine, of Anakin, of himself. He couldn’t even let himself a moment’s rest without breaking down and sobbing - how would he be able to keep him and Anakin alive when he couldn’t even control his own emotions. He wished he could just go somewhere Palpatine wouldn’t bother to look, somewhere he knew they wouldn’t go to - Obi-Wan froze, his eyes going the size of dinner plates. 

_ Somewhere they wouldn't dare go. Tatooine.  _

As somewhere that held so much pain and distance in the eyes of Obi-Wan and Anakin alike, it seemed like he’d rather get caught then go there. Well, perhaps, but if he was right he may be able to hold out somewhere so far from everyone else that they couldn’t even know he was there if they tried. 

Though, Obi-Wan might get them killed on the way there. But… the prospect of having somewhere to hide was so tempting he almost damned the consequences and went there now. But, even if he was to go there, what would happen, exactly? He’d have to somehow find a home suitable for he and Anakin to live, and he’d have to somehow conceal his ship so that no one suspected anything. He supposed he could sell it and buy another, try and distract Palpatine that way. 

Obi-Wan shook his head. He was getting ahead of himself. He still wasn’t even sure if it was safe to go there. It had yet only be a few days since their battle, and he knew vengeance would still be fresh in Palpatine’s mind. Their ship wasn’t going to last another attack and he doubted he’d be able to get away from Palpatine if they met again - with or without Anakin’s help. 

Obi-Wan huffed, rubbing a hand down his face as he moved towards his ship again. He could think about this later. He had a list of things he needed to do, and it was really starting to seem like if he wasn’t doing something to distract himself everything came crashing down on him. Obi-Wan would prefer to delay that as much as possible. His eyes were unfocused as the ramp slowly dropped down, the lights inside the ship humming to life as he climbed inside.

The second the ramp closed behind him Obi-Wan let out a sigh of relief - normally he’d loathe to be on the ship, but right now it gave him a sense of safety. Which evaporated the second a piercing scream cut the quiet air and Obi-Wan found himself running to where he’d left Anakin quicker than he can ever remember moving. 

He nearly fell face first waiting for the door to open, panic clawing at his throat as he pushed himself into the room. There, on the floor, Anakin lay, thrashing and screaming - the air thick with sweat and fever, and Obi-Wan’s stomach dropped.    


“Anakin” He said, kneeling down beside the blond, his hands gripping the younger’s shoulders to try and still him. The gown Anakin’s wearing has slipped, and Obi-Wan’s fingers touch bare skin and it’s like he’s touching a lit candle. 

He hisses, pulling his hand back only to lift Anakin up into his arms.  _ Infection  _ is a chant rushing through Obi-Wan’s mind as he carries the now smaller man to the medroom, calling to the medical droid at the same time he places him down on the table. He’d been so sure he’d gotten Anakin the right treatment, taken care of him but if he’s this bad then surely he’d done something wrong. Obi-Wan doesn’t even take his eyes from Anakin as he barks an order at the droid.   


“Fix him.” He’s growling, his hands clenching on his side as an indescribable sense of terror and loss hit him. The droid buzzes at him and starts to scan Anakin, it’s metal limbs moving too and fro as it tries to diagnose Anakin. It doesn’t take more than a minute before the droid whurrs at him, turning around. 

“He is healthy.”    


“ _ What? _ ” Obi-Wan hisses, his mouth twisting in confusion and anguish. 

“Anakin Skywalker is healthy, no signs of illness. However, he has slightly elevated breathing, heart rate, and temperature that would indicate that he is having a night terror.” Obi-Wan blinked, taking a step back.  _ A nightmare? Anakin was just… having a nightmare?  _

“I… oh.” Heat rose to his cheeks and Obi-Wan cleared his throat, embarrassment hitting him. “Y-You can go now.” He said to the droid, waving it away as it beeped it’s acknowledgement and returned to offline mode.  

Slowly Obi-Wan turned his gaze back to Anakin, who was throwing his head side to side rapidly, and Obi-Wan bit his lip. He should have thought of a nightmare. It wasn’t something so shocking that Anakin would have one - he was plagued by them when he was younger. 

Though he hadn’t had then for a while, it wasn’t out of his mind and Obi-Wan should have at least tried to wake him first. He sighed. He was just on edge - must have been. It was the only explanation he could come up with. Obi-Wan wiped his palms harshly against his pants leg, pursing his lips. 

Anakin groaned, and that was the only warning he got before Anakin shot bolt upright with a scream dying on his lips. Obi-Wan reached out, but he hesitated then pulled his hand back, watching Anakin carefully.   


“Anakin?”   


“Obi-Wan? What..?” His eyes were  wide and distracted, afraid and Obi-Wan took a step forwards, his hand resting against the table to fight against the itch to touch him. Then Anakin’s face shifted into stony anger and Obi-Wan let his hand drop to his side again. “What the fuck am I doing in here?”   


“You looked like you were feverish. The droid says you were just having a dream.” Obi-Wan replies smoothly, looking Anakin over. He was pale but his eyes were alert, so Obi-Wan didn’t try and push his luck. But he couldn’t help himself - and the next words from his mouth were more instinct than anything else. “Are you alright?” 

Anakin blinked, turning his gaze up at Obi-wan, his mouth dropping open. Anakin shook his head.     


“Why are you trying so hard to care?” He asked, laughing cruelly. “It’s not like anyone’s here to keep you in line or to notice. You’re  _ allowed _ to hate me.”   


“I - I don’t.” Obi-Wan stuttered out, mouth drawing into a thin line. Anakin huffed, turning to him.    


“Don’t what?”   


“Hate you.” Obi-Wan said it with as much shock as he felt as he realised it was true - he didn’t hate Anakin. He could never hate Anakin. 

Hating Anakin would be like trying to hate the Force. They were both part of him, and even if he wanted to he couldn’t hate them without losing the important parts that made him  _ him _ . It didn’t matter who Anakin killed - he’d never hate him, never. 

But he did hate Vader and everything that Anakin was trying so hard to become and he’d fight tooth and nail against it. Anakin remained silent, turning his head away from Obi-Wan. The older man waited a little longer, hoping that he might speak up but when he didn’t, Obi-Wan sighed and moved to take Anakin in his arms again. 

Anakin didn’t resist, letting Obi-Wan bring him back to his cot easily. Anakin’s eyes landed on the clothes at his hip the moment he was set down, an eyebrow lifting in question. Obi-Wan flushed.    


“Oh, yes, I got us some clothes. Mostly for you, but it wouldn’t be good to go running around in Jedi attire while on the run.” He said as he pulled the shirts and pants off his belt, setting Anakin’s at his side before putting his on his own cot. Anakin rolled his eyes, but again, didn’t comment. It left a queasy feeling in Obi-Wan’s stomach, and he coughed, standing up straight again.    


“Let me help you get these on.” Anakin just turned his head to the side, Obi-Wan wasn’t sure if it was submission or consent but he took it nonetheless, lifting Anakin enough to slip his pants on. He kept his eyes turned to the side respectfully, fastening the pants as quickly as he could. 

The legs fell over the side of the cot, useless, and Obi-Wan reminded himself to get something to fold the legs up. Carefully, as if trying not to spook an animal, Obi-Wan lent behind Anakin and slipped his gown off of him. Exposed was Anakin’s chest now, golden as the rest of his skin and sharp muscles accentuated him nicely. 

Anakin shivered slightly at the exposure to the air, his chest heaving in a sigh or huff of breath and Obi-Wan shook his head, picking up the shirt. Anakin’s back thumped against the wall as he lifted his arm up and into the sleeve, Obi-Wan pulling him forwards to slip it down over his back.

When he pulled away Anakin’s hair was tousled and falling in mad curls around his sharp jawline, and only then did Obi-Wan remember the sweat on his face. He held up a finger, turning to the ‘fresher and quickly retrieving a washcloth from it - slightly damp - before he returned and handed it to Anakin. When he gave it a strange look Obi-Wan smiled wryly.

“For your face.” He said gently, his smile becoming slightly genuine when Anakin nodded and took it from his hands. 

Obi-Wan probably could have stayed there to watch Anakin for hours, but he needed to get dressed himself so he nodded, heading towards the door. Just as he was about to leave though, Anakin spoke up and stopped him.   


“Jedi.” He said, then rethinking his words, said, “Obi-Wan.”   


“Yes?”   


“I don’t hate you either.”   


Obi-Wan’s heart stopped.


	15. Everything Is Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> betcha weren't expecting that huh?
> 
> also, i appologize in advance because i'm on vacation and i don't have a lot of time to do stuff for my fics/stories becuase im hanging out w/ fam. sorry not sorry xD

It felt like the first time he’d been kissed. His breathing stalled, his heart stuttered, and his face grew slack with shock. 

However  _ this  _ was much more satisfying and painful than kissing had been. It’s like he’d been slapped but at the same time, somehow, saved? It wasn’t a relief. 

No, it was a burden that tugged on his mind the second it came spiraling out of Anakin’s mouth. Obi-Wan could have said it was because he worried Anakin was trying to manipulate him, to get him to drop his guard, but it wasn’t.

No, it wasn’t because he distrusted that Anakin was not truthful. Really Obi-Wan knew Anakin  _ was  _ being truthful. He didn’t know how, from the Force or from his knowledge of Anakin himself, he just knew he was telling the truth, even if it had been partly forced by the drugs. 

Anakin didn’t hate him. No, it wasn’t a relief, because that meant that Anakin wasn’t a monster and yet… and yet, he’d managed to do the things he’d done with little to no sense or regret or remorse. 

It did not put ease to Obi-Wan’s mind because he knew that as much as he wished for it to be something, it was just what it was. 

A statement. 

Just because Anakin didn’t  _ hate  _ him, that didn’t mean he  _ liked  _ him either. There was no just zero  _ or  _ one hundred on this scale. There were hundreds of variations in between. 

Anakin was still becoming Vader. And yet Obi-Wan still felt the thrill, the joy, and the hope bubble up inside of himself as Anakin almost seemed embarrassed as he moved his gaze to stare at the opposing wall. 

It felt like he’d been given a confession of love, and he shook his head, staring down at the wall. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out as shock still held his throat closed in its fist. 

It took Obi-Wan another moment before he cleared his throat, looking back up at Anakin. Anakin was still staring in a different direction, and his demeanor seemed sharper and more emotional than it had been this whole time.    


“That’s…” He started, but stopped, because - because, what  _ was  _ it, exactly? He didn’t know. It wasn’t  _ okay _ and it wasn’t  _ bad _ . It just was. Obi-Wan sucked in a breath and turned his head to look out the doorway, nodding. “That’s - that’s, yeah, thank you. For saying that.” 

He said, and left swiftly before Anakin had a chance to respond. His hand instantly went to his face once he was out of eyeshot, his eyes squeezing shut as he almost collapsed against the wall with emotions that were raging inside of him. 

There was irrational fury, the part of him that  _ wanted  _ to hate Anakin, and then there was joy and overpowering sadness from the rest of him. 

The Force was hissing around him, pressing against him to try and steady him and calm his mind. Even that wasn’t enough, and he clenched his teeth against it. 

Obi-Wan was never good at having no control over his own emotions, had never felt at ease spilling how he felt to others. 

He can remember, vividly, a moment where something similar had happened. 

 

_ Obi-Wan hissed, back hitting the stone wall hard as he collapsed against it, his eyes squinted against the darkness around him. His arm felt as if it was on fire and he suspected, absently, that it was broken.  _

_ Wouldn't be surprised, with how hard he’d fallen from the cliff. He hadn’t been expecting to have been pushed back until his foot was just hanging off the ledge.  _

_ The droids he was fighting were, for the most part, not difficult to fight. But there had been an overwhelming number of them.  And he just kept getting pushed back, farther and farther until he’d fallen off the cliff with a shout.  _

_ He can remember Anakin screaming after him, and Obi-Wan just barely managed to drag himself inside this cave to sheild himself from the rain and firefight above him.  _

_ He casts a quick glance gown at his arm, but he can’t tell much. It’s too dark and he can’t make anything out. He shuts his eyes. Obi-Wan doesn’t know where Anakin is, knows that the other wouldn’t be able to follow him without hurting himself as well.  _

_ What if - what if Anakin was - Obi-Wan shakes his head. He’s not going to even entertain that thought. It’s bad enough, the nausea that’s accompanied by his worry, he doesn’t need to consider the possibility of Anakin’s death.  _

_ It wasn’t going to help anyone. Obi-Wan startled, suddenly, as Anakin came charging into the cave opening, growling like some kind of feral animal.  _

_ Obi-Wan would have laughed if he wasn’t in so much pain and relief from seeing the other. Anakin’s hair was plastered to his face from the rain, and his clothes were soaked.  _

_ Obi-Wan could see him shiver slightly from the cold, and that seemed to heighten his own sensitivity to it. Obi-Wan shivered in turn.  _

_ “Damn scrap-heap.” Anakin hissed out, shoving his ‘saber into his belt with more force than necessary.  _

_ Obi-Wan snorted, but the movement jostled his arm and he winced against the pain. Anakin’s head snapped over to him, his mouth dropping as he seemed only to just then notice his master’s serious situation.  _

_ Instantly Anakin rushed to him, carefully taking Obi-Wan’s hand into his own to inspect the damage. Obi-Wan hissed. _

_ “Sorry, master.” Anakin said with sympathy, shooting the shorter man a look before going back to looking over his arm.  _

_ Every movement made sharp, lightning pain shoot up Obi-Wan’s arm and he forced himself not to show it. He hoped he didn’t look as weak as he felt, either.  _

_ After a while, Anakin finally let his hand go, shooting Obi-Wan a concerned look. He didn’t say anything, and Obi-Wan sighed inwardly.  _

_ “Out with it then, Anakin. What is it?” Obi-Wan asked gently, his good arm going to cradle his wounded one gently.  _

_ Anakin worried his bottom lip in his mouth for a moment before looking towards the cave’s mouth, speaking quietly.  _

_ “It’s pretty messed up, master. You’re elbow is broken, and your wrist and a few of your fingers too. Your shoulder may also - also be dislocated.”  _

_ Fear, cold, mind numbing fear raced down Obi-Wan’s spine so fast he couldn’t stifle the gasp that left his mouth at the news. Anakin turned back to look at him, worry and fear written on his own face.  _

_ For a moment they both just sat there, watching each other. Then, almost quietly, like he was afraid to speak, Anakin broke the silence.  _

_ “We’re going to die, aren’t we?” He asked, and Obi-Wan almost wanted to agree. Because they most likely were going to die.  _

_ Obi-Wan’s arm was shredded, they were surrounded by enemies, and had little to no chance of escape. They most surely couldn’t fight their way out, not like this.  _

_ But Obi-Wan refused to let the fear get to him. And he shook his head, giving a weak smile to Anakin. _

_ “We’re going to be fine, Anakin.” Anakin smiled weakly. _

_ “You’re a bad liar, Obi-Wan.” _

 

Obi-Wan opened his eyes, pushing himself up off of the wall. They needed to leave. For where they would go, he was at a loss. He doubted there were many safe places left to hide from the Emperor's wrath. 

Not only that, but surely they’d be caught trying to get out of the atmosphere. That other man had mentioned some of his ships having been flying close by not too long ago, and Obi-Wan suspected strongly that they’d recognise their ship instantly. 

Palpatine wasn’t one to beat around the bush, so to speak. Anakin needed more medicine too. He couldn’t have his fever coming back - but. He should be okay for a few more hours. 

Obi-Wan dreaded the idea of going back to him right now. Lest he say or do something foolish, like try and embrace Anakin. Hah, that’d be rather amusing. Hugging Darth Vader. 

That’d be a new one. He couldn’t even begin to imagine what his elders would say to that. Obi-Wan sighed. He was in over his head. 

He should just drop Anakin off somewhere and try to escape by himself. With any luck he’d be able to get away.

“Really?” He said aloud, glaring down at himself. How dare he ever consider this. He wasn’t going to leave Anakin for dead on some scum infested planet, limbless and powerless - right into the hands of the Emperor. 

No. Never. 

It didn’t matter how he felt, or what happened to himself. He wasn’t about to doom Anakin to a life with that monster, forever tied to the Dark side. 

As much as he almost wished to be, he wasn’t a cruel man. And he cared too much about that boy to just let him die or give up on bringing him back to himself. 

Obi-Wan sighed again, moving quickly to the cockpit. Slowly he stripped out of his clothes. He’d rather change here than go back to Anakin. 

He paused, looking down at himself as he stood there, shirtless. He was far more muscular than he used to be, his gentle pudge he remembered from his younger self disappeared now from years and years of Jedi training. 

When he was younger he’d had a much better life with the Jedi and the training hadn’t fully visibly affected him. Now his arms almost bulged with his strength. 

Still he was rounder, more broad than Anakin was. Anakin had a thin, strong build and Obi-Wan was more stocky than he. He stared, almost unseeing, at the freckles that dusted his skin. 

It had been such a long time since he’d stopped to look himself over that he’d almost forgotten that they were even there. There weren’t any present on his face since he was a child, so most people assumed Obi-Wan had none. 

And there was no reason for him to go around telling people. He doubted that even Anakin knew, and they’d changed in the same room before. 

He quickly pulled his new clothes over his head, his pants plain enough to leave on. Obi-Wan glanced at his reflection in the glass, and sighed. His hair was sweat ridden, as well as his face, and he almost looked liked he’d just crawled out of the ground. 

He winced. When he’d had the easy items, he realizes, that he had taken them for granted even though he was always so sure of his ability to understand it correctly. 

It made him shake his head. Even when he’d lived at the temple he had still not been the upstanding Jedi he figured he had been. It made him feel inadequate, then, but at the same time. It gave him a sense of awe. 

Not at how horrible he was, but because he realized now that some of the things the Jedi said were not true. No matter how much of a rule follower someone is, no matter how highly regarded they were they still had these feelings. 

It was not that shocking, that if he did this, that Anakin had been corrupted so easily. Hell, his and Anakin’s thoughts and emotions had basically been mental roommates for years. 

He’d probably fed off of his own issues. Guilt, again, smacked him like a punch to the gut and Obi-Wan fought the urge to groan. It, all of it, was his fault, wasn’t it? 

Anakin’s problems were because Obi-Wan hadn’t been stronger, hadn’t been smart enough to not be a hypocrite constantly. He let Anakin down - it was his fault that those children, that Padme was dead. 

It was all his fault and - Obi-Wan blinked, startled, and he touched a hand gently to his cheeks. It came away wet. Was - was he  _ crying?  _ When had he started crying? 

He pulled his hand away from his face, to inspect it, and fear laced through his veins suddenly. His hand was red. 

It wasn’t tears, it was blood. 

Obi-Wan looked at himself in the mirror, mouth dropping open as terror sent coldness through his body so fast he almost got dizzy. Sure enough, his eyes were steadily bleeding. 

What in the name of-? He serched himself for any other sign of injury, but found none. His eyes were just bleeding, uncontrollably. What - there. 

Against the side of his neck. A small, almost unnoticeable puncture wound sat and his breathing stopped. Someone had injected him - shot him - with something. Something that was making his eyes bleed. 

Obi-Wan could be dying from it for all he knew - how in the hell had he not noticed this before? Surely he would have  _ felt  _ something. He let out a wheezed breath, trying to say something but it was hardly noticeable as it caught in his throat. 

He felt his airways closing up and if it was from fear or whatever this was, he couldn’t tell. Hastily, Obi-Wan reached out with the Force to try and stave off this ailment before it left him too weak to do anything. 

But his connection to the Force was dwindling as he noticed that he was losing consciousness. 

Panic set it and he gripped the chair for support. Again he tried to call out, just as he felt his legs give out underneath himself and the world around him go fuzzy.

“Anakin!” Obi-Wan called, but he couldn’t even tell how loud he was as everything around him faded to black and he slumped against the ground heavily. 


	16. Scragglers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im updating again because i figured i might as well since i managed to finish this chaper off last night. have fun with this'n

_ “What in the name of-” Obi-Wan gasped aloud, his eyes scanning the room frantically. His hands dropped from the door frame limply, his brows knitting together in confusion as he takes in the scene before him.  _

_ The entire floor is littered with - with something that looks like some kind of droid that’s been gutted and pulled apart. The room smells of oil and something burning, hot with the buzz of warm metal on the floor and the carpet is stained almost black in places.  _

_ His mouth drops open and Obi-Wan is drawing up a blank. This morning the room had been entirely clean, perfectly because Obi-Wan had cleaned an hour before he’d left.  _

_ So what happened here? How had the room gotten so dirty this fast, what caused - Obi-Wan startles slightly as Anakin comes into the room.  _

_ He’s holding a droid head, his sleeves rolled up and arms stained dark with oil. Anakin’s face goes slack with surprise and shock as he sees Obi-Wan standing there.  _

_ His mouth opens around a word, but nothing comes out, and he looks like he’s drowning for a moment. Then he does manage to speak, and the first things out of his mouth are, “Obi-Wan I can explain-”.  _

_ Obi-Wan cuts him off quickly, holding a hand up to silence him. Anger is rushing through his veins hot and boiling and Obi-Wan has to quickly push it into the Force because it’s not healthy.  _

_ As much as Anakin is wrong here, and as much as he should be getting angry, Obi-Wan knows that’s not how they do these things. Instead he puts a hand to his face, pinching the bridge of his nose tightly and he sighs loud enough for Anakin to hear.  _

_ After a moment Obi-Wan’s hand drops again and he clears his throat, looking Anakin over quickly. The boy looks rather guilty looking, mouth drawn into a tight line and his shoulders sagging loosely.  _

_ “Anakin, why did you think this was a good idea? We’ve talked about this before, padawan, you can’t just -” _ _   
_

_ “Master, I know, and I’m really sorry. I - I wasn’t thinking, I thought you’d be home later and I’d have this clean before you got back, and I -” _ _   
_

_ “Anakin.” Obi-Wan cut off Anakin again, shooting him a stern look that had Anakin’s mouth snapping shut sharply. Obi-Wan sighed again. “Why did you take this droid apart?”  _

_ Apparently, that isn’t what Anakin was expecting to hear because his mouth drops open again and a small, confused noise escapes his lips.  _

_ Then his eyes are almost shining, despite his almost sheepish demeanor. Obi-Wan knows this face. It’s when he’s supposed to feel bad about something, but doesn’t, and instead finds the situation almost funny.  _

_ For once Obi-Wan will let it slide because he’d rather try and get Anakin to show interest in things like this than let him feel horrible because he broke a small, simple rule. One that was easily fixable.  _

_ “I wanted to see if I could reprogram it to do what I told it to, but I found a flaw and ended up taking the whole thing apart to figure out what was going on with it.” _ _   
_

_ “And?” Obi-Wan asked, smiling softly as he crossed his arms over his chest, leaning against the wall.  _

_ Anakin grinned, rushing forwards with the droid's head to show him something underneath it’s metal shell.  _

_ “See, here, Master? This screw is useless, yet it’s in there. I found around twenty of them in the chest area alone. I’ve got no idea why they’re there, but they make the droid heavy and slower to respond and -” _

 

Obi-Wan slowly, like he’s waking up from a deep sleep, regains his consciousness. His eyes burn underneath his eyelids, and his stomach is rolling with nausea he’s almost unfamiliar with. 

It’s been a long time since he’s gotten sick or hurt enough to cause that in him, and he groans quietly as he tries to moves his hands underneath himself. 

Obi-Wan feels, now, how he’s lying. His arms are splayed out around him and he’s laying on his side, legs tangled around themselves uselessly. 

Another groan and he’s trying to open his eyes but everything is tinged red and blurry, so he shuts his eyes against it. He’s vaguely aware of his own thoughts, his memories, and he knows he should be feeling some type of panic or fear but he’s so exhausted that he can’t bring himself to it. 

After what feels like an hour, or just a few seconds, he can’t tell, Obi-Wan tries to open his eyes again. It’s dark, almost too dark and for a moment he thinks he’s gone blind. 

That brings him startlingly awake and he gasps a breath and is pushing himself up on too weak limbs, before crashing down again. 

Obi-Wan can’t hear beyond his own heartbeat and rough groan, but he does feel the almost feather light touch to his ankle and he snaps his head around so fast he topples over and onto his back. 

Obi-Wan blinks, coughing, before forcing his eyes to focus on whatever it is that’s touched him. Slowly, his vision focuses and he sees, with spreading confusion, Anakin’s face at the end of his feet. 

His lip is bleeding, his eye purpling with a bruised and his mouth is set into a firm line even though his eyes portray an exhaustion Obi-Wan is unfamiliar with. He chokes on Anakin’s name, unable to get it out for the fear and nausea rising into his mouth but then something hard smacks into the back of his leg.

Obi-Wan grunts, eyes rolling to look at whatever’s hitting him. It’s - it’s the man from the bar. The one who’d told him about the fighters he’d seen. 

His mouth forms around a question but the man before him cuts him off before Obi-Wan has a chance to speak. 

“Knew there was somethin' more to you than just some random scraggler.” The man cackles out, and Obi-Wan looks around in attempt to find anyone else there. 

But it seems that it’s just this man, and it’s obvious he’d be able to overpower Anakin - though with a sense of smugness Obi-Wan notices a bitemark that’s bleeding profusely on the other’s neck. At least Anakin had fought back. 

“So, what’re you? Bounty hunter? Some kinda, what, scavenger?” He laughed darkly. “You’ve got 'nough goods for this ship and a damn slave. Cocky enough to flaunt around the fact you killed a Jedi.” 

A snarl echoes from behind Obi-Wan and he doesn’t have enough time to stop him before Anakin is hissing out insults. 

“I’m  _ not  _ a fucking slave you  _ pig! _ ” Anakin all but screams at him, and the man raises an eyebrow at him but - shockingly - he doesn’t move to strike him. 

“Quite a talker, ain’t he. No wonder you cut off 'is legs. Fucker try to run?” He laughs out, and Obi-Wan’s min is running at a hundred miles an hour thinking of ways to get them out of this. 

He’s too weak to fight yet, and he still can’t feel the Force as strongly as he should from the haze that’s around him. Whatever the man gave him is still coursing through his bloodstream, but it's wearing off. 

Hopefully it’ll be out of him soon enough for him to get them out of this situation. But for now, Obi-Wan is ready to play the part of bounty hunter if it means keeping them alive for now. Even if what he says next makes his mouth taste like vomit all on its own.

“Tried to leave a few jobs back. Had to teach him a lesson, no?” Obi-Wan laughs weakly, his smile shaky as he pulls it across his face unnaturally. 

It serves his purpose though, because the man howls with laughter and shakes his head. He hears Anakin take a weak breath, but he doesn’t say anything further and that, in and of itself, is a blessing. 

“What’d you give me, anyway? I never even felt it.” Obi-Wan says rolling himself over onto his side. 

He’s starting to feel stronger, but he can’t let the other man know that, so he lets his head loll to the side weakly. The man’s face darkens slightly, but he doesn’t quit talking. In fact, it seems to spur him on, laughing again.

“It’s some fancy new drug I bought from a trader a-ways off. Makes you lose your lunch and ya’ ability to stand for around five hours. It also makes ya’ bleed from your eyes. Fancy, huh?” He asks, and only then does Obi-Wan notice the blaster in the other man's hands as he moves to point it at Obi-Wan. 

At least, Obi-Wan thinks, he isn’t about to die. And, on top of that, this man didn’t take into account that he was Force sensitive and could much quicker rid his own body of these kinds of drugs. He had to fight the urge to smile against his knowledge, but instead he snorted, mimicking annoyance. 

“Damn new drugs, too many of them around lately.”  Obi-Wan hissed, and the man hummed, before pushing Obi-Wan’s leg with his foot. 

“Look, I’m not sure what kind'a gig you got for y'self here - but from the looks of it you’ve got a bit of money stashed 'way for y'self. What’s gonna happen here, is you’re gonna’ tell me where you’ve hidden it all and I’ll be on my way. No harm, no foul.” He shot a glance at Anakin, grinning. “May take that testy slave off your hands, too. I like ‘em feisty.” 

Obi-Wan had to fight the urge to gag at his words, casting a quick glance at Anakin, whose face had paled significantly. He just barely concealed his anger as he snapped at the other man. 

“He stays.” 

“Woah, woah, no need to get angry. I was just playin'.” He snarled then, moving forwards and kickin Obi-Wan sharply. “Now, where is it at, huh?” 

Obi-Wan’s mind went blank and his mouth dropped open, but then the man dug his heel into his leg and Obi-Wan shouted. 

“It - it’s in the med room. There’s a tile at the end of the table that comes loose. It’s down there.” He gasped out, glaring over at the man. A moment of silence, and the the man cackled and pulled away, turning around on his heel. 

He backed away until he ran the last few feet into the med room. As soon as he was out of sight Obi-Wan pushed himself up, forcing down the groan that tried to rise in his throat. 

He grasped frantically at his hip, hand colliging with his ‘saber and he’s relived that the other was too naive to check him for weopens. Anakin looks at him, mouth dropping open in shock, but Obi-Wan puts a funger to his mouth to silence him. 

Instantly he shuts his mout, head thumping against the wall behind him heavily. Obi-Wan follows the other man’s trail, more or less, his back pressing against the wall as he raises his ‘saber in the air - hand ready at the trigger to activate it. 

He feels the Force crack around him sharply with anticipation, with the energy rolling off Obi-Wan in waves as he comes to a stop just shy of the door. 

And then, silently, he waits for the other to come back out. He can hear the man, quickly, moving and trying frantically to pull the floor up to get to the promised money. Obi-Wan hears a shout, then a loud, metalic noise like he’d hit something. 

Then he comes rushing out of the room, his face warped in unadulturated fury. But just as quickly as he came out, Obi-Wan pulls the trigger and his saber is coming across the man’s neck so fast Obi-Wan doesn’t have time to consider what he’s doing before his head is rolling across the floor of the ship. 

He turns, panting and ‘saber still lit and hot at his side as he lowers his hand. Anakin is looking at him with this unreadable expression, his eyebrows high on his forehead and mouth slack. 

His eyes are watching Obi-Wan like he’s a cat and Obi-Wan is a mouse. But at this moment, Obi-Wan feels like a tiger who’s just tasted the kill for the first time - the feeling of strength and power coursing through his veins. 

He stands there a moment, and almost worries he’s not going to let the feeling go like he should. It feels amazing, and for the first time he feels in control of the situation. 

Obi-Wan’s eyes are almost black with emotion as he stands there, high on top of the world, his grip tight on his ‘saber. But then he lets out a gentle sigh, his shoulders sagging and he closes his eyes as he lets go of it. 

It feels good - but it wouldn’t do him anything right to keep it. He’s done being a hypocrite. When he opens his eyes it’s accompanied by a soft smile, and he lets out a gentle laugh. 

“Lets get you cleaned up, Anakin.”


	17. Ache

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> long time no see amirite  
> but seriously ive been super busy with holidays, and my laptop broke AGAIN, and then our pc broke and I had to fix it, and yadda yadda its not fun
> 
> also sorry for the harshness in the memory, it may seem out of character but most likely (in my mind) that's how the jedi probably taught people lessons and such. so even though obi feels bad about it, it's how you're taught so he does. i tried to show that he still cared for anakin even if he was teaching him a 'hard' lesson. 
> 
> also the lesson would probably have helped anakin more if he'd actually followed it

Obi-Wan winced in sympathy as he applied antiseptic to Anakin’s split lip, cleaning it as gently as he could. The blond was silent, had been since he’d carried him from the deck and back into the med room. Now, as he was trying to clean up this mess that the intruder had left of Anakin’s skin, Anakin’s eyes were drooping and his posture screamed that he was beat.

Obi-Wan wasn’t sure what happened, but fighting back and the stress of it had tired Anakin out. It sent a sharp, hot pang of anger through Obi-Wan but he pushed it down quickly. There was nothing to be done, anyway - even if he’d allowed himself to try and take vengeance against the man. He was already dead.

Obi-Wan pursed his lips. The feeling he’d gotten after he’d killed him had been almost tranquil, yet surging with power he wasn’t quite sure he ever had. With it long gone now, he wonders if it’d been some - some sort of side effect from the drug he’d been given? What would have happened if he’d stuck to it?

Was - had he been about to slip into the Dark side? Obi-Wan shivered against the thought. That would have been horrible. To lose himself like that, when he’s in the process of taking Anakin out of it himself. What would have _happened_?

Obi-Wan isn’t sure, but the vivid image of him killing people alongside Anakin sends fear through him and he presses a little too hard against the bruise of Anakin’s eye.

He hisses, his hand reaching up and grasping Obi-Wan’s wrist to still it and Obi-Wan blinks and lets out a quiet gasp. Silence lays thick around them, Anakin’s face scrunched into pain, but then he opens his mouth and breaks it. 

“Be careful.” Anakin snaps, before letting Obi-Wan’s arm go. His face is twisted, now, almost into anger and uncertainty, and Obi-Wan has to fight the urge to ask if he’s alright.

He doesn’t want to poke the bear. _But what if you’re the bear right now?_ His mind supplies, and his mouth thins into a line as he clenches his jaw for a moment.

“My apologies.” Obi-Wan says quietly, going back to the task at hand. He works slowly, taking his time to be sure he doesn’t hurt Anakin again. By the time he’s done his arms ache from holding them up for so long and Obi-Wan feels drained, like someone had sapped all the energy out of him.

It’s just the adrenaline wearing off, but it still feels disheartening, and he places the used materials into the trash. A heavy silence stretches out once he returns to the table beside Anakin, both of them looking warily around the room at odd places to avoid eye contact.

Obi-Wan is almost expecting Anakin to start mocking him or something similar about the way he’d handled the situation. Truthfully Obi-Wan’s not even sure he knows know what he’d been doing, acting on instinct, so he wouldn’t be able to rebuke Anakin’s taunts - that is if he were saying them.

But he’s not saying anything. It’s - it’s unnerving, to say the least. It’s surprising that Obi-Wan feels more comfortable with Anakin mocking or taunting than being silent. A memory springs up suddenly and he fights off a smile.

 

_“What, too slow? What’s wrong old man, can’t catch me -”_  
_  
“Anakin!” Obi-Wan snapped, glaring over at his Padawan, who was smirking like the cock sure man he was. He didn’t even have the decency to look sheepish as he muttered a half-hearted ‘sorry’ before dropping back into his stance. Sparring had quickly become one of Anakin’s favorite training techniques when he’d first started, and now Anakin, seventeen and already taller than Obi-Wan, was almost an expert at it._

_They were tied, currently, Obi-Wan having won the first round and Anakin the second. And Anakin had started taunting him. It wasn’t anything new, but Obi-Wan still scolded him for it. No matter how amusing it may be, it left much to be desired and wasn’t really allowed._

_Obi-Wan moved forwards sharply, aiming a punch for Anakin’s head but the other ducked out of the way. Obi-Wan was ready though, and swung a leg out to trip Anakin up. The blond yelped as he landed, but his training didn’t leave him and he rolled out of the way as Obi-Wan swung to get another kick in. He was back on his feet before long, smirk plastered on his face perpetually._  
  
_“What have I told you about keeping taunts out of the ring? Also, pay more attention, I shouldn’t have been able to knock you over.” Obi-Wan scolds as Anakin comes charging at him like an angry bull, which he easily dodges with a quick spin to the right. He cuffs Anakin’s shin with his foot as he goes. Anakin hisses, but he laughs. At least he’s not pissed._  
_  
_ _“I_ am _paying attention, master. It’s not my fault you’re so fast.” He laughs as he goes back in for a charge, but he cuts it off midway, and Obi-Wan isn’t expecting it._

_Anakin manages to smack into his side, his whole body pushing Obi-Wan’s a few inches away from him with the impact. Obi-Wan grunts, but quickly counters, elbowing Anakin in the jaw. Obi-Wan raises an eyebrow in response to Anakin’s words._  
  
_“Ow.” Anakin hisses, glaring at him, and Obi-Wan has to fight off a smile then. Anakin looks like a sulking child. Anakin feels the amusement from their bond however, and he growls. “Shut up.”_  
  
_“I didn’t say anything.” Obi-Wan all but laughs out. Anakin only glares harder._  
  
_“You didn’t have to.”_  
  
_“Why, are you upset Anakin?” Obi-Wan asks, suddenly thinking of something. He’s always ready to teach a lesson. Anakin frowns._  
  
_“What are you doing?” He asks, watching Obi-Wan carefully. Obi-Wan, in turn, circles him like a vulture. Obi-Wan smirks._  
  
_“I’m not doing anything, Anakin.” He says, before kicking Anakin in the back of his knee. The blond shouts, dropping down to one knee. His head whips around just in time for Obi-Wan to punch him in the face. Anakin gasps, hand wrapping around the side of his face protectively._

_Obi-Wan feels guilt punch him in the gut, but he pushes it down. He’d done worse before - though that doesn’t make it easier as he continues to circle Anakin, who’s still curled up in pain._  
  
_“Am I too fast for you, Anakin?” He asks innocently, arm whipping across Anakin’s back sharply, earning a cry of pain from the other. Anakin swings around, trying to grab Obi-Wan’s ankle but Obi-Wan had seen it coming. He jumps out of the way, continuing on his path._  
  
_“Oh, you’ve got to try harder than that, Padawan.” Obi-Wan says, his voice mocking. Anakin growls, trying to pick him in the leg. He misses again. Obi-Wan grins, though he feels awful for this. He hates seeing Anakin being driven into fury, and he hates being the one to do it._

_But it’s for his good. He needs to learn this lesson. Obi-Wan roundhouse kicks him in the shoulder, before punching him in the face again. Anakin crashes to the floor, coughing, before turning his head up at Obi-Wan, fury written on his features._  
  
_“Stop it.” He growls. Obi-Wan smacks him in the back of the head as he comes around behind him._  
  
_“Stop what? Can’t you stop me yourself? What, too weak? Can’t you handle it, Anakin?” Obi-Wan taunts, voice almost disgusted as he kicks Anakin in the side again and pushes him onto the ground just as he gets back onto his knees._  
  
_“Stop it!” Anakin roars, and goes into a dive to get at Obi-Wan’s legs. Obi-Wan jumps, and kicks Anakin in the face so hard he gets knocked off his course and once again falls to the ground. He stops, suddenly feeling a rush of shame and hurt from Anakin._

_Obi-Wan walks to him, kneeling down beside him. That’s enough now, he tells himself, he’d learned. Only then does Obi-Wan see the tears trailing down Anakin’s face, which his Padawan tries to hide with his hair, which is almost covering all of his face. Obi-Wan reaches down, cupping Anakin’s face gently in his hands._

_He gives the other a soft smile. Then Anakin chokes back a sob and Obi-Wan pulls him to his chest, hugging him close to comfort. Anakin cries against his chest like a dying dog._  
  
_“Oh Anakin.” Obi-Wan says softly, rubbing his hand against Anakin’s back. He hadn’t intended him to get this upset over it, but never the less, it was what it was._  
  
_“Why’d you do that?” Anakin says, voice shaking with emotion. Obi-Wan hugs him tighter, resting his cheek against the top of Anakin’s head._  
  
_“Did that hurt?”_  
  
_“Yes.”_  
  
_“Did it feel horrible, did you feel lost and out of your element? Powerless?”_  
  
_“Yes.” Anakin sobs. Obi-Wan holds him tighter._  
  
_“That’s why we don’t taunt others Anakin. Because it isn’t right, and feels horrible.” He pulls Anakin away from him, cupping his face in his hands. Obi-Wan smiles at him, wiping tears from his face with his thumbs. “That is why we must learn to ignore words in battle. Especially for you. You got so angry I was easily able to predict your movements, I knew what you were going to do. We ignore the words of our opponent, while still paying close attention to them.”_  
_  
“Oh.” Anakin says, sniffing. After a moment he pulls away, wiping his face with the sleeve of his robes. Obi-Wan pushes down the urge to scold him for it. After a moment, Anakin laughs, looking back at Obi-Wan. “Guess you won. Rematch?”_

Anakin had always been good at taking apart someone’s ego, their feelings, and making them furious. It was almost like a skill. But Obi-Wan had taught him not to do it, because it wasn’t right. He supposed he should have expected his lessons and care to go out the window as soon as Anakin got the chance.

Obi-Wan still felt horrible to this day for how he’d handled that, but there had been no hard feelings over it. Anakin had understood, and when Obi-Wan had tried to apologize had told him not to. That it’d been fine. Obi-Wan shakes his head, ridding himself of his own thoughts. Finally Obi-Wan clears his throat, turning to gather dressings for Anakin’s burns.

“I’ll go ahead and swap out your bandages, Anakin.” Obi-Wan’s voice is tight as he speaks, but not from pain or sadness like it’s been for days. This time it’s - he’s not actually sure, but there is some emotion swirling around inside him that he can’t quite place. His chest aches with it.

Again Anakin says nothing, just leans back again his arm and turns his head to the side. Obi-Wan pushes down the pang of hurt that tries to rise at the movement, before carefully pulling Anakin’s pants legs up so he can access his wounds. As he peels the bandages off, he sees there was a little drainage caught but beyond that the wounds look almost healed. He shouldn’t be surprised, Anakin had always healed fast.

That, and the fact that these wounds were made from a ‘saber, so the injury was cauterized and the only real issue is keeping them from getting infected while it took the time to heal. He’d have to consider getting Anakin prosthetics soon. That’s going to bring on a whole new list of challenges Obi-Wan isn’t quite sure he’s ready to face yet, so he pushes them out of his mind and gets focused on treating Anakin’s wounds.

Both legs are in the same condition, and after rinsing them with disinfectant Obi-Wan carefully wraps them up again. He moves to Anakin’s arm then, hesitantly. He glances at Anakin’s face briefly. The other’s eyes have dropped considerably and only now does Obi-Wan notice him swaying.

His brow furrows, leaning back away from the wound. Obi-Wan would understand slight tiredness, really, but Anakin was almost confusingly tired. Almost like - Obi-Wan curses, much to his own chagrin, and moves to get a needle from the compartment.

He returns, and Anakin hasn’t changed his posture in the slightest - he hasn’t even looked at Obi-Wan at all, which is something since Obi-Wan suspects even as far gone as Anakin is to the dark side he’d still find something to say about Obi-Wan cursing.

He taps the vein on Anakin’s neck, before carefully drawing blood. Anakin doesn’t even flinch. Obi-Wan’s mind is running at a hundred miles an hour now, and he scrambles over to a panel connected to the wall, quickly inserting the blood. It takes about a full minute for Obi-Wan’s fears to be set in concrete, and then he’s cursing again and rushing back over to Anakin.

“Anakin?” Obi-Wan questions, franticly, his hand going to Anakin’s shoulder when he gets no response. “Anakin, can you hear me?” There’s a heavy moment, of silence and anticipation, before Anakin finally turns his eyes towards Obi-Wan and blinks slowly. Obi-Wan lets out a sigh of relief.

“What?” Anakin slurs, and Obi-Wan’s relief is short lived.

“You’ve been drugged. A type of heavy duty sedative.” _Probably for when that man thought he was going to be transporting Anakin off the ship and didn’t want a fight._ Obi-Wan thinks darkly but doesn’t say. “I’m not sure how long you’re going to be unconscious, but it’s working fast so I don’t think you have much time.”

“You -” Anakin says, his head swaying as he tries to look at Obi-Wan, his face confused and angry. “ - You drugged me?”

“What? No, I didn’t - I didn’t drug you! Anakin, it was the man from before. You’re going to pass out, and I’m telling you so you won’t panic.”

“Y’re a piece of w’rk.” Anakin hisses out, before slumping against the hand Obi-Wan’s still got on his shoulder.

Obi-Wan has about two seconds to panic before Anakin is sinking down onto the table like a sack of potatoes. Obi-Wan blinks down at him, startled, before he shakes Anakin’s shoulder. He doesn’t even twitch. Out then, Obi-Wan suspects.

He sighs, rubbing a hand across his face. _Well isn’t this just swell?_ Obi-Wan’s mind growls, annoyance edging his heart. Not at Anakin, but the situation. Once again Anakin is incapacitated, and really he can’t do anything to help. It leaves him feeling a sour taste of inadequacy on his tongue. Obi-Wan runs a hand across his face again, looking at Anakin in a sideways glance, before huffing. He pulls Anakin’s sleeve up and starts back on changing his dressings.

It takes less time now, though that’s probably because Obi-Wan is going much faster than before. He gathers the old, dirtied cloth and tosses them out, rubbing his hands against his pants roughly. When he turns back to Anakin, it’s like his heart suddenly doesn’t work. Anakin is lying almost curled up, his hair cupping his cheeks delicately. He breathes softly and he looks years younger than he is.

He looks once again like the boy Obi-Wan had took under his wing, like they were still with the Jedi and Anakin was still his Padawan. Obi-Wan, stuck on auto-pilot, moves forwards slowly until he’s standing beside the table again. He moves his hand out and before he can stop himself cradles Anakin’s face in his hand, Anakin’s cheek resting against the palm of his hand.

Obi-Wan chokes on emotion again, and he leans down and presses his forehead to Anakin’s own. Obi-Wan feels lonely, and lost, and so utterly out of his element now. He doesn’t know how to help Anakin. He’s never known.

Master Yoda had told him to trust himself, but he really, really didn’t. He couldn’t. He was too guilty, felt too much weight from what had happened on his own shoulders. Obi-Wan didn’t know what to do. He closed his eyes, free hand gripping the table with white knuckled force, his other cradling Anakin’s face gently.

“Come back, Anakin. Please.”


	18. Decisive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aaa this took fucking forever rip  
> i bullshat out anakin getting his arm chopped off and eye at the same time, i dont actually know how it happened, so for the sake of this au they happened when he was still relatively young and at the same time (ive still not come up with an idea for how he actually gets the wounds tho whoops)
> 
> Also! - I've come up with a playlist for this entire story, listed in order of how it should be listened to! Hope it gets you into the feel of it, as well as hopefully giving some clues of the future of our boys ;3C All of them can be found on Youtube and Spotify, as I've made it a playlist for myself haha. Hope they fit!
> 
>  
> 
> James Arthur - Impossible  
> Misterwives - Reflections  
> Zedd - Clarity  
> Hayley Kiyoko - Given It All  
> Thousand Foot Krutch - Take It Out On Me  
> Halsey - Strange Love [Explicit]

_ “What?” _ __  
__  
_ “I don’t understand.” _ __  
__  
_ “Yes, but -” _ __  
__  
_ “Couldn’t we just….” _ __  
__  
_ “Of course not, sir…” _ __  
__  
_ “You’re far too busy to raise them by -” _ __  
__  
_ “Sir?” _ __  
__  
_ “What do you mean, sir?” _ __  
__  
_ “I suppose that would work, but we are not equipped for such things. Most people on board don’t even know what a baby looks -” _ __  
__  
_ “Of course, my lord.” _ __  
__  
_ “Never.” _ __  
__  
_ “Wonderful idea, as always.” _ __  
__  
_ “Most regretful.” _ __  
__  
_ “... death was a horrible misfortune…” _ __  
__  
_ “ - rest of the Jedi are gone by now if not already killed -” _ __  
_  
_ __ “... hunt them down, and kill them all. Won’t bother you anymore….”

_ Silence. Dark blurs, fading together. Something was wrong. Someone was looking at him. Who was it? Can’t be, too far away - couldn’t be close enough. Voices? Where had they gone. They would find him. Would they? _

_ “I’m going to find him if it’s the last thing I do!” _

  
  
  


Obi-Wan woke with a start, a gasp on his lips as his dream buzzed loudly in his mind, like a shout. He gripped his head, closing his eyes against the pain of a sudden headache, and tried to make sense of the situation. 

Confusion stirred in his sleep addled mind as it took him a moment to even remember where he was, but that didn’t really help him. His dream had felt so vivid and - and real, and he’d never felt something so startlingly clear yet fogged at the same time. 

It’s like he understood the situation entirely, yet couldn’t grasp the specific instances occurring around him. Or something like that. What - had that been a nightmare? It sturrs the same panicked urgency in Obi-Wan, yet it doesn’t feel like a nightmare.

Well, then again, it didn’t even feel like a dream, either. Too vivid. In all honestly, it had felt like he’d just witnessed a conversation. And that voice at the end, it - it had almost sounded like… no, it couldn’t be. 

There was no way Palpatine had invaded his mind. They were too far away from each other. He would have been given a proximity alert from the ship before he’d have been in range for Palpatine to do anything. But it had sounded so much like his voice? 

And the other one, the one who he’d heard mostly. What had it been, he’d been talking about? Children? Obi-Wan could have sworn he’d heard the voice say something about a baby. And something about the Jedi. 

Obi-Wan sighed, pressing the palms of his hands into his eyes. This was getting exhausting. It felt like months since his and Anakin’s battle, yet he knew it had only been a few days. Or a week? It was hard to tell. He just needed somewhere to settle down. 

He couldn’t keep going like this. Obi-Wan just needed somewhere safe enough to try and sort out his next plan of action. Again the idea of fleeing to Tatooine came to mind, and this time he didn’t push it away as fast as he might normally. 

If the run in with the bandit had been anything to go by, they couldn’t just keep floating from one planet to the next, drawing whatever attention that came their way. Obi-Wan’s head still ached from his dream, but he stood nonetheless, moving back towards where he’d left Anakin to sleep off the drugs. 

He needed to check on him before he decided anything. Hopefully Anakin was feeling better enough to have woken up, and more hopefully he’d be coherent and actually understandable. Obi-Wan paused in front of the door, rubbing a hand through his hair roughly. He felt horrible. 

Thin, drawn out. He sighed, before moving to the door so it would open. Obi-Wan peaked his head around, surprised to find the lights on. Just as he opened his mouth to speak, his tongue went dry and his throat felt like it’d closed up.

Anakin was sitting fully up, his shirt off, inspecting his now unbandaged wound carefully. His eyes were wet and he seemed terrifyingly sad as he sat there, his hair coming forwards to cast shade over his face almost poetically.

Something in Obi-Wan’s heart broke. It was so similar to the first time he’d lost a limb, waking up to see himself minus an arm.

  
  


_ Sunlight was streaming in through the window, casting Anakin in a gentle golden light, making him glow. Obi-Wan sat at the end of the bed as he watched the heart wrenchingly beautiful sight before him. Anakin's cheeks were covered in tears, the fresh cut around his eye must have been burning, but that didn’t stop him.  _

_ Obi-Wan could feel the whole encompassing sorrow and pain seeping through their bond even though he could tell, easily, that Anakin had shut himself off as entirely as he could. He gripped his stump with his good arm, mouth turning up into a snarl that never turned into anything as he choked on his own sobs.  _

_ Obi-Wan wanted to help, god how he ached to reach out and help the younger man, yet he knew of nothing that he could do to help him. He couldn’t think of anything that would have been able to lessen the pain. So he kept quiet and still, letting Anakin’s sobs fill the room until they were louder than his own breathing.  _

_ He would have kept to himself too, but Anakin’s sobs became borderline hyperventilating, and his fingernails dug red crescent moons into his skin. Obi-Wan lifted a hand, mouth opening on protest but no sound emerged from his lips. He didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t think of anything to do. Obi-Wan had never had to deal with a situation like this.  _

_ Should he just get up and leave, let Anakin be, to cry himself to sleep and return once he’d calmed down? No. He couldn’t bear to do that. It seemed just too cruel, even if some other, better master would do it or use this moment to teach a lesson, Obi-Wan couldn’t hardly even think of doing that. Finally, slowly, Obi-Wan reached out and placed his hand on Anakin’s shoulder, hand sliding slowly, comforting, up until it reached Anakin’s neck.  _

_ Anakin froze, his breath hiccuping and he stared angrily down at the bed before himself, mouth twisted in an awful grimace. Obi-Wan took hold of Anakin’s Padawan braid and, very gently, entwined it around his fingers, hand still resting against Anakin’s neck. He didn’t say anything.  _

_ Obi-Wan just left himself open to Anakin if he needed him, mind and body, ready to give comfort if needed. A long beat of silence passed, the only noise their joined breathing and Anakin’s hiccuping. Then Anakin took in a shuddering breath, and with a jerky movement, pressed his body into Obi-Wan’s hand.  _

_ Only then did Obi-Wan move his hand again, letting it cup around Anakin’s cheek, braid still entangled in his fingers. Anakin’s eyes closed as another tear streaked down his face, and he let out a shaky sigh. They’d stayed like that until Obi-Wan had been called into a meeting and Anakin had fallen asleep. _

  
  


Obi-Wan shook his head slightly, clearing his mind of the memory as he drew his attention back to Anakin. Anakin hadn’t seemed to notice him yet, so Obi-Wan stood there for a moment just staring at the other. He was tempted to leave, or just stand there, but after another moment guilt hit him and he couldn’t just stand there. 

Eavesdropping wasn’t something he did, whether or not Anakin was on the Dark side or not. Obi-Wan took a step forwards, clearing his throat to get Anakin’s attention. Anakin’s head snapped up and his mouth dropped open, but no words came out, and Obi-Wan instantly regretted disturbing him. Anakin cleared his own throat, looking away as he blinked frantically in attempt to get the wetness out of his eyes. They were just there for a moment, staring at each other, before Obi-Wan looked away.

“How do you feel?” He asked quietly, quilt clawing it’s way up out of his chest like a hungry lion. Obi-Wan knew Anakin was moving, probably rewrapping his arm, from the sound of cloth rustling and the cot creaking. Obi-Wan didn’t say anything else, letting silence cloud the room until Anakin eventually replied.    


“You mean has the drug flushed it’s way out of my system yet? Yeah, I’m fine.” Obi-Wan glanced back over at him just in time to see Anakin struggling to pull his shirt on. Obi-Wan had to resist the urge to offer his help. Instead he cleared his throat and nodded, shooting Anakin a wry smile. 

“That’s good. Are - are your wounds hurting? I can get you more pain medication, if you need me to. It’s no prob-”   


“No.” Anakin snapped, glaring down at his metal arm. Obi-Wan blinked, startled. “I’d rather be in pain then take those things. And I’m not in pain anyway, so it doesn’t matter. I’m fine.” 

Obi-Wan pursed his lips, mind reeling at what Anakin had said. If the pain medication was still working, which it might not be, then he was indeed telling the truth. If not he was lying about the pain. It made Obi-Wan feel once again helpless, and again the image of fleeing to Tatooine came to mind. 

Obi-Wan sighed. Why not? They needed somewhere to go and it wasn’t like anywhere else would be any safer. Really, Tatooine might be the safest bet really, which was saying something as Obi-Wan was pretty sure he’d never classify Tatooine as safe. Obi-Wan cleared his throat, looking over to Anakin’s arm. 

“You’ll be needing prosthetics soon. I’ve got somewhere where I think we can hold out for a while, find somewhere to hide until… we can figure this whole mess out.” He said, looking back up at Anakin with a faint smile.

Anakin was staring at him, hair tousled, eyes dark with questioning and - something akin to anger but not quite as violent. Then he tilted his head back, shaking himself a little to get the hair out of his face before giving Obi-Wan a once over that left the older man feeling self conscious. 

“I suppose I don’t get a say in this then?” He asked, and Obi-Wan opened his mouth instinctively, deny on the tip of his tongue.

At one point he’d not have done something like this without talking it over with Anakin first, but now - well, he  _ had  _ kidnapped Anakin after all. He closed his mouth, lips pressing into a thin line as Obi-Wan shakes his head. Anakin nods, looking at the wall with a sniff.

“Then go away. You don’t need my input for anything, unless you get us into another ship battle and need someone to save your ass.”  Obi-Wan flushed with anger and embarrassment, again almost denying it but held himself back - this time more for his own sake than telling the truth.

With a huff and a nod he turned, taking his leave as he headed back to the pilot's chair. He sat heavily with a sigh, quickly imputing the coordinates to get them to Tatooine. He rubbed his temple, wincing slightly against the headache he had, but settled himself. Obi-Wan could meditate for it later, he needed to be alert right now. 

It wouldn’t do anyone any good if he was somewhere in his mind if something went wrong. Not only that, but he needs to figure out what to sell. Maybe the entire ship, really, it wasn’t like they were going anywhere. After a moment he cleared the coordinates, typing in a nearby, random planet that held stationed outposts. 

Obi-Wan would sell their ship for the highest price he could get, buy a new ship, and take that one to Tatooine. Undercover, hiding, they’d have a better chance of going unnoticed. Even if someone tried to follow them, they’d be tailing the wrong ship. 

With a quick sigh, Obi-Wan ran his hand down his face before quickly taking the ship back into the air. The faster he did this, the faster they’d be done, and therefore the quicker he’d be able to get a moment of relaxation to at least attempt to figure out what he was going to do next. 


	19. Ships

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IM BACK
> 
> god, it's been so long since i've updated anything!! so, this chapter - to me - is a little worse for wear and not as good, in my opinion, but this is supposed to be filler. im planning to do some Anakin based chapters after this one, so be on the lookout for that! obviously look out for the fact that they're finally going to tatooine!! 
> 
> i should be updating within the next two weeks, hopefully more than once, but i can't promise more than one as my life is pretty hectic rn!!

The process of actually finding a buyer and selling the ship turned out to be much easier than he thought it’d be. He made a pretty fair deal with the man, to trade his ship for a smaller one and then be given the remaining amount of worth Obi-Wan’s original ship was - minus the new ship. 

He ended up having a rather old looking ship that was a rust brown and, if Obi-Wan didn’t know better, he’d have said it wasn’t flyable, but with a quick peek into the buyer's mind he knew he was sincere that the ship was sturdy enough for flight. He’d even been able to get the man he’d sold it to to let him transfer all the things on the old ship he wasn’t selling onto the new one, even offering to help. 

Obi-Wan had left a lot of things with the ship, but he’d taken all the rations they had, medical equipment, medicine, two blasters, and two cots. He didn’t actually run into any problems, which was rather surprising since, well, when lately had things gone easily for them? Obi-Wan even let himself hope all of it would go through without a problem, but then he’d gotten down to the task of bringing Anakin onto the new ship. 

Obi-Wan sighed, putting his hands up in a surrender as he backed away from Anakin, trying to give the other his distance. Anakin was panting, his face warped with anger and red from it too. Truth be told, he looked like he wanted to hit Obi-Wan - but he’d probably settle for any damage. 

“You are  _ not  _ carrying me again, Obi-Wan.” Anakin snarled as he pushed himself up with his arm, adjusting himself so he was once again leaning against the wall. Obi-Wan pursed his lips, frowning. 

“How, then, am I supposed to get you off of  _ this ship _ and onto the new one? You’re not ready for prosthetics just yet, and even if you  _ were  _ it’d take awhile to get them made and fitted to you.” Obi-Wan crossed his arms as he spoke, giving Anakin an intense look. 

Anakin though, for what it was worth, smirked like the cocky child he was and snorted out a laugh that had Obi-Wan’s eyes narrowing.

“Should have thought about those kinds of hang ups before you kidnapped me.” Obi-Wan sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He could fairly easily pick Anakin up and just forcibly take him without the others permission, but he really didn’t feel like getting bitten or punched by an angry Sith lord. 

He’d already gotten his full of that for a lifetime and didn’t feel like having any more experience with it.  _ Yet _ , there wasn’t any way Obi-Wan could think of to do to convince Anakin to just let him carry him. Anakin had always been a stubborn and prideful man, and Obi-Wan doubted he’d give anytime soon. Obi-Wan sighed again. He was going to have to face the risks of just picking Anakin up as it was. 

He didn’t have time for this, they needed to transfer to the new ship so the buyer could collect this ship. Just as he opened his mouth to speak, however, Anakin sniffed and cocked his head to the side - successfully drawing Obi-Wan’s attention to the movement.

“You can give me a piggy back ride. That’s at least less demeaning.” Anakin said dryly, and his expression showed nothing beyond a disinterest and mild annoyance. Obi-Wan blinked, startled for a moment. He’d not expected Anakin to give, but then again, he wasn’t really. Obi-Wan stood there for a moment, in silence, before nodding.

“Alright, that’s fine. We just need to get to the new ship - it won’t be long, I promise.” Obi-Wan moved down, ignoring as Anakin rolled his eyes, crouching with his back to Anakin, arms held out behind him to help the younger man up. 

There was a pause, and then Anakin - more or less - flopped forwards and draped himself over Obi-Wan’s back. Obi-Wan resisted the urge to flinch from sudden contact as he wrapped his arms around Anakin’s thighs to hold him up. Obi-Wan once again felt guilty at feeling just how  _ light  _ Anakin was now. It was unnerving, to say the least. Obi-Wan readjusted his hold and moved to the door, making his way out of the ship. He paused just at the hangar door, a sudden realization hitting him like a brick. 

This would be the first time Anakin had been outside since Mustafar - since Obi-Wan had taken him. It felt like so long that they’d been on that ship, and it must have been - what? Weeks? Obi-Wan’s not really sure, but it was a long time. Even if only so in an emotional sense. Obi-Wan shakes his head. Now’s not the time to worry about - he’s not actually sure what he’s worrying about, but it’s got the taste of Anakin trying to escape on it, so he shoves that idea out of his head. 

He knows Anakin wants to leave, but he can’t. He wouldn’t be able to do more than fall off of Obi-Wan’s back, doing more damage to himself than good. Moving forwards, Obi-Wan takes the last few steps out onto solid ground once again. The air smells clear, almost unnaturally so, but it’s tinged with a humidity that is off-putting. Anakin makes a disgruntled noise, ducking his head down close to Obi-Wan’s shoulder sharply. Only then does he realize that Anakin hasn’t seen sunlight for longer than Obi-Wan, which is a long time. 

He considers, briefly, apologizing - but the sounds don’t come to his mouth and instead he moves towards the direction of the new ship. It’s a short walk from where they are, he’s able to see it across the barren, dirt road that lays before himself. Anakin lifts his head up slowly, and Obi-Wan can practically picture the face he’s making in his mind. Eyes and nose scrunched up, mouth in an annoyed snarl as he practically glares daggers at the sun above them. 

It almost makes him laugh - but he stops himself. That would be awkward, at best. Before all of this, yes, he wouldn’t have hesitated to laugh at Anakin doing something like this. It’s happened hundreds of times before - and each time Anakin would remark about how something was making him uncomfortable - be it the heat or light of the sun, or the unpleasant cold that bore down to his core. 

He wanted to smile, but the memory turned sour and harsh with the knowledge that that kind, often oversensitive man had become the violent, angry one he carried now on his back. Then again - had Anakin ever really changed that much? What if this - this darkness - had been with him this entire time, festering, and Obi-Wan hadn’t been able to notice it. Obi-Wan gives himself a mental slap to the face. He can’t think like that. Ever. 

He  _ has  _ to hope that there’s some chance for Anakin to regain everything that Obi-Wan now sees missing from him now. He can’t let himself think things like that. Obi-Wan clears his throat, coming to a stop at the base of the new ship. It towers over him, and serves as a suitable distraction from his own mind. By his ear Anakin scoffs, his hand tightening on Obi-Wan’s shirt.   


“ _ This  _ is the ship you sold the other one for? This thing looks barely flyable, even for  _ me _ .” Anakin sounds genuinely angry here, less bored than before. Obi-Wan shrugs slightly, glancing back at the other. Anakin is glaring at the ship like it’s offended him, somehow. It probably has, in some way, just by existing.    


“It’ll fly, that’s all that matters.” He remarks, turning back to the ship and climbing aboard. His feet echo ominously against the hard metal and it’s small, but empty innards. Obi-Wan shuts the ramp behind him, and it closes with a hiss. Slowly, the interior lights flicker on - some almost giving up the fight early - and Obi-Wan grimaces. 

It  _ will  _ fly, and that really is all that matters. But it doesn’t mean the ship is particularly pretty in any sense of the word. Again, Anakin snorts, making a movement like he’s getting hair out of his eyes.    


“Yeah sure, to you. The only reason I’m not wishing this thing would fall out of the sky and explode is that I’m going to be inside of it.”    


Obi-Wan grimaces, moving quickly now to the small compartment where he’s set up the cots. Out of everything Anakin’s said, that stings particularly painfully. The idea that he doesn’t care enough, even now, about Obi-Wan’s life as to wish him dead makes his heart heavy. 

He knows that it might not be true - Anakin’s always been good at hitting right where it really hurts, like he can almost see through you to what matters most. Usually that’s a good thing - but whenever they fought, it was painful - to say the least. 

He turns his back to the cot, slowly lowering to his knees so that Anakin can get on the cot. When the other’s pulled off of him, Obi-Wan stands up and clears his throat, not looking back at Anakin. It’s not been that long  since he last meditated, and yet he feels so worn out already. It’s hard for him to think clearly, beyond a liar path, so he shakes his head.    


“I’ll be in the cock-pit. We’ll be up in a few minutes.”


	20. Fall Apart, Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anakin's POV
> 
> this took way longer to get out than it should have but thats what u get when ur a fucking lazy nerd  
> in compensation here's an animation meme i made:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wt2d3p9OBFA

There’s a visible vibration that runs through the ship when the engine turn on. He can hear the creak of old metal parts scraping against each other. Anakin wouldn’t fly this ship if somebody paid him to. He rubs his neck absently, staring blankly at the wall opposite of him. His body is sore and there’s a burning ache inside his chest where the force is supposed to be. He’s never been this weak before. Never this vulnerable. It feels like - well. 

It feels like the most important things been stolen from him. Essentially, it has. And it had been taken so  _ calmly.  _ Without thought Obi-Wan had just  _ taken  _ who he was from him. Locked him up with him, cut away his limbs so he can’t run. God, he wants to kill Obi-Wan for this. Anger burning  _ hot, so hot,  _ in his chest, trying to claw it’s way out. But no. Killing him would be a kindness. Anakin thinks, maybe, he would cut off all of Obi-Wan’s limbs and make him feel what it’s like to suffer.  _ Really  _ suffer. 

Anakin growls and drops his hand into his lap. He can’t do that though, can he? He’s a cripple. He doesn’t even… want to. He wants Obi-Wan to suffer but. He turns his head and stares at the far wall. Anakin feels so  _ worthless.  _ He can’t even go to the fucking toilet by himself. Couldn’t even defend himself against the stupid bandit or whatever that’d tried to - to ransack the ship. The memory sends an disgusted shiver up his spine and he lays his fingers lightly against the collar around his neck. 

He’d been lifted up like he was no more than a  _ child,  _ treated like less. All he could do to protect himself was to bite the fucker, and that only got him punched in the face and a bloodied lip. Anakin twitches with rising adrenaline and he clenches his fist and drops it to his lap again. He wants to do something. Anything. Just get him out of this broken state, make him feel something other than  _ this _ . But he can’t. He’s trapped with the only person in the world he’d never ask for help. 

He hates himself for letting Obi-Wan give him a piggy-back ride. He should have just forced Obi-Wan to come up with some stupid, convoluted way to transfer him to the new ship. That’d be fucking something. Anakin sucks in a deep breath. The last time he’d been given a piggy-back ride was… a while ago. Not since - no. He ignores the rising memories of his mother - pushes them down  _ deep.  _

He doesn’t need that. What good is pouring salt into a wound. But it’s the memory of breaking his leg, now, that sticks out in his mind. Sharp and clear as ever. It makes him grimace, but it’s too late to ignore it.  

 

 

_ “This is stupid.” Anakin hisses, mouth twisting up in a snarl. The pain in his leg is sharp and strong, and hot, bitter tears trail down his cheeks. Obi-Wan hasn’t mentioned that though, thank god. Anakin’s not sure what’d he’d do if he brought it up.  _ _   
_

_ “What’s stupid?” Obi-Wan asks, patient as ever - always patient. It’s strange, Anakin’s used to people with short fuses.  _

_ He’s still trying to figure out how to deal with Obi-Wan’s silent, calm and collected reaction to everything. Anakin drops his head to Obi-Wan’s shoulder, tightening his arms around him. He doesn’t want to know what it feels like to fall on an already broken leg anytime soon. _ _   
_

_ “ _ _ All of this. I shouldn’t have,” He hiccups, grits his teeth against it. “Have broken my leg like that. It was stupid.”  _ _   
_

_ "You fell, Anakin. Mistakes happen, and we learn from them.” Obi-Wan adjusts his hold on him, sending a jolt of pain through Anakin’s leg and he hisses against it. “Sorry.” _ _   
_

_ “ _ _ Mistakes happen, being stupid doesn’t. Shouldn’t. I was being stupid.” Anakin glares heatedly at the road beneath them. Like somehow, it’ll make him feel better. All it does is wrap him in a shroud of anger he can’t think through. _

_ “It was a little stupid.” Obi-Wan chuckles, Anakin’s mouth dropping open as he gapes down at Obi-Wan.  _

_ “What?” He asks, indignation and shock biting at his heels, and Obi-Wan laughs again. Anakin doesn’t get it. Doesn’t see the joke in all of this.  _

_ “Anakin, you fell from a tree you were specifically told  _ not  _ to be climbing. That’s a little stupid.” Obi-Wan tells him frankly, and Anakin opens his mouth on a half formed insult before Obi-Wan adds, “However,  _ you  _ aren’t stupid. What you did, yes, was. But not you.” Anakin blinks. Squints his eyes in confusion.  _

_ “I don’t get it.” He doesn’t. _

__ “What did we learn from today?”   
  
Obi-Wan is always so patient. It’s annoying. 

_ “Not to climb dead trees.” Anakin replies, half expecting to be told he’s wrong. But Obi-Wan nods and smiles.  _

_ “You learned that when someone warns you about a potential danger, you ought to listen. While what happened wasn’t the best way to learn something, you still learned.” _

_ “By being stupid?” Anakin feels a little silly. Obi-Wan hums in acknowledgement.  _

_ “A lesson can be learned from every situation. No matter how painful.” _

 

 

A lesson, huh. Anakin wonders what his lesson is this time. Wonders why he cares. Instead of trying to formulate an answer for himself, he clenches his fist and watches the robotics of his hand work. They need fine tuning, they’re running slower than normal.

If left like this too long they’ll get rusted or loose, something will break or wear out, and he’ll be out his last limb. Anakin rolls his eyes. If he still had all of them this wouldn’t be a problem. 

But he doesn’t, and while he wants to sit and stew, he’s got to figure out how to get out of this mess he’s gotten himself into. Well, he tries to, at least. Knows he should. But his angers a little too strong for him and it pulls him back down before he can formulate an escape plan. Pointing the finger at everyone else is something he’s good at, it seems.  _ Stop pitying yourself,  _ a voice inside him growls, and it sounds a little too close to Palpatine’s voice than he’d like. 

He drops his head against the wall with a loud thump, closing his eyes. He feels empty, and it hurts, and he doesn’t want to think. It’s hard to anyway, when he’s angry - upset at all, really. And this time he doesn’t have the force to help him calm down. The ship shivers and bangs around him, Anakin turns his eyes to look at the walls. 

They’re shaking. But they’re not falling apart. Not yet, anyway. Anakin can’t help but draw comparisons to himself. Old, broken and worn down, on the verge of falling apart - but keeping himself together with anger. Anakin purses his lips. He’s not used to actually analyzing himself like this. 

He hates it. 


	21. Wait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> another anakin pov, switching back to obi in the next one. i'll probably switch back and forth every now and again now.
> 
> Also, if anyone wanted an easy to access playlist organization for the fic's playlist, here's mine:  
> https://open.spotify.com/user/dirkygoodness/playlist/1rN0h10VrSG4Z4OICGQa9k

He must have fallen asleep, because the next thing he’s aware of is the ship jerking him violently awake. Anakin makes a startled noise in the back of his throat as he crashes down against the bed. There’s a loud, buzzing noise coming from - from _everywhere,_ it must be the ship’s engines.

A beeping, sharp and loud, echoes around the ship - the sound pounding painfully against his temples. He blinks his eyes frantically, trying to focus on the room enough to discern what’s happening. _Is the ship being attacked or something? Is it finally falling apart?_

No. He recognizes the beeping now for what it is, though there’s a hot wash of shame at how slow he was to catch on. It’s the landing gear - older models like this ridiculous ship had to signal when the landing gear was deployed as to not accidentally get someone caught in something. Anakin pushes himself up with an exasperated huff, wincing as sharp pain blooms in his legs.

He almost regrets turning down Obi-Wan’s suggestion of pain medicine. He manages to situate himself upright again, leaning heavily against the wall at his back. He resigns himself to wait for the inevitability of Obi-Wan coming to tell him what they’re doing, what the ‘plan’ is this time. Anakin rolls his eyes at the thought; he’d cross his arms if he could.

It’s a while before anything happens, Anakin left to nothing but the beeping and vibration of the ship. Finally when they do land, Anakin almost thinks the ship is going to fall apart. The ship gives a sharp jerk and pop before it settles, dropping a good foot as the landing gear touch ground. Anakin is gripping the blanket beneath him with a death drip, gritting his teeth hard. Obi-Wan’s going to make Anakin as paranoid as he is about flying at this rate.

But, thankfully, Anakin hears the engines power down, silence spreading throughout the ship as the walls stop trying to shake apart. Anakin waits impatiently for Obi-Wan to come back to him, and is annoyed to find him taking longer than the size of the ship should dictate. He’s tempted to call out to him, snap at him to hurry up, but he doesn’t want to dignify his annoyance with it.

Instead he picks at the hem of his new shirt, sneering at the ugly fabric of it. It’s far inferior to clothes he’s normally wear. On par with the clothes he wore before the Jedi. When he still thought they were heros. What a fool he was. Palpatine had opened his eyes to the whole truth, but he’d known the broken state the Jedi were already on a fundamental level. Anakin squints.

Palpatine. His master. He’d tried to _kill_ him. The _nerve_ . After everything he’d preached about working together, Anakin as his weapon, _this_ is what he gets in return? He suspects there’s a reason for it but any excuse would be inadequate for the betrayal he feels deep in him. He thinks, darkly, if he were to ever see Palpatine again he’d probably kill him.

He can’t believe Obi-Wan was right about him. Or, at least, right in some aspects. Anakin doesn’t understand - _why would Palpatine use him? Was it just to start his war? But everything he’d said had been_ true, _Anakin had_ seen _it. He didn’t need to manipulate him, the Jedi were wrong._

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan’s voice cuts through his musings, and Anakin’s head snaps up to attention, eyes drawn to Obi-Wan’s face. He looks stressed, but then again he always does. It feels tighter though, drawn out against Obi-Wan. Something he’s barely keeping together.

Anakin narrows his eyes and scans him over. Obi-Wan’s in bad shape. Stress is eating him inside out and Anakin doubts he can go more than a few more days before he snaps. Anakin smiles despite himself. He’s interested in what it’ll look like when he does. Will Obi-Wan lash out against him, call him cruel names, or will he just break apart. He’ll have to wait and see.

“What is it?” Anakin replies curtly, trying to squash the remnants of his confusion. Obi-Wan’s eyes draw to where his hand is still picking at his shirt, and Anakin quickly drops his hand. Obi-Wan clears his throat. 

“We’re here. I’ve got to go out, look for somewhere to lay low, and taking you with me wouldn’t be… ideal. Do you… do you need anything, before I go?” He sounds worried, about what, Anakin can’t tell.

There was a time, once, where he’d be able to look at Obi-Wan’s face and instantly be able to discern what he was feeling. And back then, he’d just ask about it if he was confused. Now he’s got to try and put all the puzzle pieces together without the picture. Anakin pulls his hair back behind his ears and casts Obi-Wan a sideways glance. 

“Besides my limbs back and this collar taken off? No, can’t think of anything.” He’s doing it on purpose. Jabbing where he already sees darkening wounds. Wants a reaction out of him. Craves it. Obi-Wan doesn’t even flinch, just nods, turning to leave.

“I’ll be off then. Try not to wander, you’ll only hurt yourself more.” Obi-Wan sounds resigned now, sad, almost, and before Anakin can say anything in response he’s out of the room. Anakin scoffs and rolls his eyes, hand dropping to his lap again.

He supposes Obi-Wan is just tired. Doesn’t want to fight, whereas Anakin wants nothing more than to bite off his head. Anakin supposes he’ll just have to wait. Maybe until they have another talk. He knows Obi-Wan hates feeling like he doesn’t understand anything, and while Anakin doesn’t want to try and convince him of the truth, he’s more than happy to talk this time.

Because this time he won’t be drugged and he’ll be in control of what he says. Obi-Wan had always had a blind spot when it came to Anakin, if his obliviousness to Anakin’s building distrust of the Jedi all these years was anything to go by. Anakin closes his eyes and sighs.

He can wait. With how worried Obi-Wan can get, he’s sure to not leave him here for very long. He can wait until he gets back.

Then they can _talk_.


	22. Worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> its tatooine time

The heat is the first thing Obi-Wan notices, and while he was expecting it, remembers the dark burn the sun left on his skin from the last time he was here, he wasn’t prepared for it. It knocks the breath from him, leaves him speechless. He grasps the front of his shirt, gasping back his breath. 

Obi-Wan squints his eyes against the light, sharp and bright against the yellow glow of the sand. He can feel the heat through his shoes. He doesn’t want to know how the sand feels against his bare skin. Obi-Wan sighs a heaving breath and steps off the ramp, letting it retract back as he sets off for the small village. 

He remembers it - not as sharply as he wants. He feels the emotions, the residual hurt of remembering his former master. Of meeting Anakin for the first time, thought it was a brief meeting. Something in him aches, like an old wound. He ignores it and heads to the town. 

Obi-Wan had landed relatively close to where he and Qui-Gon had landed their first time on Tatooine. It’s… maybe not the  _ smartest  _ move, but Obi-Wan is entirely unfamiliar with the rest of this planet, and he doubts Anakin remembers anything about it either, beyond his short life here, and his mother. 

By the time Obi-Wan reaches the small village, he’s wiping sweat off his brow and feels like he’s been baked under ultra-violet lights. He’s hypervigilant of people recognizing him for what he is, memories still fresh and wounds aching from their run in with the red-headed thief - scavenger. Whatever he’d been. Obi-Wan doesn’t care to remember that part. 

He’d never actually been in town, never seen this place during his short time here. He almost wishes he had, now, as he looks on the unfamiliar faces. Though, he’s used to alien worlds, peoples. But he’s got to be extra careful now, and knowing a few things about the locals would be more than useful. 

He spots a lot of pod-racing paraphernalia, shops and such, and remembers fondly Anakin talking about it when he was younger.  _ Much  _ younger, as their trust was starting to build. It was about the only thing Obi-Wan could get him to talk about,  _ really  _ talk about. 

Anything else and Anakin had given short, curt answers that felt more conditioned to him than truthful. It had been a long road, learning to trust each other enough to form their training bond. Something that’d, much to the Council’s chagrin, had bleed over after the fact. 

He unconsciously pulls at it with his mind, and winces as he feels the black emptiness the force inhibitor leaves him. Obi-Wan doubts that it’d be intact even without the inhibitor. It’s edges frayed and broken, withering and shying away from each other. Anakin most likely would have tried to rip it apart if he’d been given the chance to. 

Obi-Wan doesn’t know how he didn’t  _ feel  _ Anakin’s hurt, his loss in trust with the Council, the Jedi. He’d not even  _ known  _ until he’d seen the recording.    


“Watch where you’re going, scum,” A being growls at him, and Obi-Wan flinches back on reflex, before smiling and raising his hands. The man(?) grunts and waddles away, towards what Obi-Wan can only guess is a bar. He needs to find somewhere quiet, abandoned. 

He needs to find someone easily susceptible to the Force’s influence. His eyes scan the crowd, trying to pick out someone who’ll work. Even if he does find someone susceptible, that doesn’t mean they know anything. 

It takes him a while, and a few failed attempts, before he gets what he needs. Obi-Wan spots a woman, with odd, grey-orange scales, and with a light probing from the Force can tell she’s weak minded. He saddles up beside her, gracing her with a wide smile when she turns around and bears her impressively large teeth at him.    


“Hello,” Obi-Wan begins, and as soon as he does he presses against her mind with the Force and waves his hand before her eyes, smile softening as he speaks. “You will tell me of any abandoned buildings near here, where no one  _ ever  _ goes.” The woman’s eyes go glassy and her jaw slack, and Obi-Wan drops his hand to his side and waits.   


“There’s an old farm house about forty miles north from here, no one goes out there. Too many raiders. Too dangerous.” She supplies, Obi-Wan sighing with relief. At least they’ve got somewhere to start. 

Obi-Wan turns to leave, but stops halfway through as a thought crosses his mind. He whips back around, waving his hand again as he once again taps into the Force to reach out to her mind.   


“You don’t remember me, I was never here.”   


“You were never here,” She echoes as Obi-Wan turns, leaving her and the village. 

It’s another long, hot walk back to the ship, but this time it’s less taxing. He’s not letting himself think, about  _ everything _ . This time his mind is set squarely on the task at hand, the farmhouse, getting somewhere to lay low. 

That, and, the suns are setting, the image of the moons a backdrop as he treks back to the ship. Obi-Wan stops short, though, when he sees the ship a little ways off still. Closing his eyes, Obi-Wan sighs. 

He… almost doesn’t want to go back. To see the anger, distaste, on Ankin’s face. Obi-Wan still feels the burn of trust, trying to call him back,  _ let himself believe Anakin’s good. Trust his words.  _ Obi-Wan knows better. He still hopes, clings to the idea that Anakin isn’t entirely lost, but he has no doubt that  _ Darth Vader  _ would kill him the first chance he got. 

It’s almost like Anakin is warring with himself, dark and light fighting for dominance inside of him - always has really, though this time each has a name - and Obi-Wan is left to try and hold him together. 

A broken pot he’s holding together with tears and bloody hands. 

Obi-Wan sighs and starts walking again. All of this is to bring Anakin back to him. He’s not about to start faltering now. He’s already kidnapped him and cut off his limbs. What more could he do to make things worse?


	23. Hide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> anakin pov again next!

Obi-Wan wants to delay revealing where they are for as long as humanly possible. He doesn’t know what will happen if he does, and honestly? He’s afraid of it. Afraid of what Anakin could say or do to him. Anything Obi-Wan comes up with is horrifying and heart breaking, but it’s what he  _ can’t  _ imagine, that really scares him. Anakin had always had a habit of doing the exact opposite of what Obi-Wan was expecting. 

The ramp drops down with a wailing screech and Obi-Wan steals himself long enough to get back on the ship. When the ramp draws back up and closes Obi-Wan strains his ears, searching out any sound that’s out of place. 

He doesn’t hear anything, which could be a blessing or a curse. He doubts Anakin would have ran off but, the thought of someone stealing aboard the ship and hurting Anakin is a hard one to ignore. 

He pauses in front of Anakin’s door when he gets there, looking himself over. He can’t see any sand on himself, but that doesn’t mean it’s not there, and he quickly dusts himself off; tapping his shoes against his legs to shake any sand out of them. 

When he figures he’s been sufficiently de-sanded, Obi-Wan opens the door and goes inside, Anakin’s name on the tip of his tongue. It dies before he can finish saying it though, stopping in his tracks. 

Anakin’s propped up where Obi-Wan had last seen him - he’s sound asleep. His head has fallen to the side, resting against his shoulder, and it’s then that Obi-Wan reminds himself that Anakin is healing from fairly severe wounds. 

He keeps forgetting that he needs his sleep. It’s probably the best way for Anakin’s wounds to heal, for him to - at least physically - get better. Obi-Wan lingers for probably too long, longer than really necessary, but he can’t help it. 

With Anakin asleep it’s almost like he’s the Anakin Obi-Wan knew again. Innocence is hard to miss when someone’s sleeping. Obi-Wan startles when Anakin shifts in his sleep with a quiet groan. His face pinches in pain, his body going rigid before he slumps back against the wall.

The position he’s in doesn't seem very comfortable, and to top it off he should have taken the pain medication. No doubt his wounds are burning with pain. Obi-Wan forces himself to leave and turns on his heel and goes back to the helm of the ship, wiping a hand down his face. 

He’s tired, lethargy anchored deep in his bones, trying to pull him down. He needs a long rest, a  _ longer  _ meditation, and… Obi-Wan looks at his hands, darkened with dirt. And a shower. Obi-Wan takes his seat at the helm, dropping in coordinates for approximately forty miles north, though he knows he’s going to have to find the ship with his own eyes. 

It’s not like this old rust bucket of a ship was capable of scanning for things other than ships chasing them. Hopefully there’d be enough light for him. Obi-Wan gives a quick glance at the setting suns, biting his lip. If push came to shove he’d have to land and wait for morning. 

Less than ideal but it’d be better than flying around all night and getting lost. The ship screeches back to life, the engines giving a disconcerting groan as Obi-Wan once again takes them into the air and the landing gear retracts with the annoying alarm of warning. 

He wonders if he can figure out how to turn that off. Anakin would probably know how, or be able to figure it out, if he could rein himself in long enough to cooperate with Obi-Wan. He shakes his head, forcing his attention back to flying the ship. He can worry about that stuff later, right now he’s got a job to do. 

It takes two hours to cross the distance, and Obi-Wan’s back is aching anew and he once again wants for rest. Really he should have checked himself over for any severe wounds but, with everything that’d been happening he’d not been able to afford the time to. 

He’d been too busy worrying about Anakin to think of himself. He can later, it’s not like he’d got his  _ limbs removed _ . Right now, he needs to focus. 

He slows the ship to a crawl and strains his eyes against the inky darkness of the night. Sure the moon does offer light, but not nearly enough for precise searching. It’s hard to see anything, and he doesn’t even know if the old house is still even standing. It could very well have been buried by sand at this rate. 

Obi-Wan might not be familiar with this planet's particular set of storms, but he knows well enough that desert planets often change in terrain from wind patterns. It wouldn’t be the biggest shock to him if the house’d been buried. Or sunk. Obi-Wan yawns despite himself, running a hand over his mouth. 

Exhaustion is starting to creep up to him; he’s not sue how much longer he’s going to be able to do this. Maybe he should just land, better safe than sorry, get some rest then go at it early tomorrow - wait. Obi-Wan pulls the ship to a stop, eyes fixed on a dot not too far off. 

It could be a transportation vehicle of some sort but… the shape is too round, it’s not moving. Obi-Wan sags in his seat and thanks anyone who’s listening. He lands the ship a small walk away from the house, far enough away so he’s not crowding the building but that it’s not an unpleasantly long walk inside. 

Obi-Wan stands, groaning as pain blooms across his back. He forces himself to ignore it, moving back to where he’d left Anakin, stepping inside briefly. As he suspected, Anakin’s still asleep, though he has shifted a little. 

That buys him a little time to check inside the house for any potential dangers. Even to clean up a little, if it’s in any particularly bad state of disarray. He gives Anakin one last glance before he heads to the ramp.


	24. Tidal Wave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> an now for the moment you've all been waiting for---
> 
> this is the last update for a little while! i'm going to stockpile chapters up before i start posting again, but i doubt it'll be too long of a wait with how prolific i've been the last week. but don't worry I'm not planning on abandoning this work - i've still got too much in store for these boys!!

_ They didn’t train outside often. It wasn’t ‘protocol’, wasn’t ‘proper’. The first few times they  _ had  _ done it, it’d been when Anakin had done something that got him kicked out of the training rooms for the day. He’d never done it on purpose, he’d been a scared little kid who just learned about Jedi and everything that entailed. It wasn’t his fault if he accidentally broke someone’s arm going all out.  _

_ He’d always felt horrible after something got them kicked out, more so for the fact that Obi-Wan looked sad and disappointed in him more than for what he’d done. But he’s not a kid anymore, and this time it’s not his fault they’re training outside. Not anyone's fault, really.  _

_ There was some kind of contamination that leaked into the training rooms and, while Anakin was fine to skip training today, Obi-Wan wasn’t. Anakin lifts his eyes from the grass he’s pulling at to look at his master. Obi-Wan’s taken off his shirt - it’s absurdly hot out today, though the heat didn’t bother Anakin much - and is going through the motions, easily moving from one form to the next, unlit ‘saber in hand.  _

_ Each movement is practiced, almost like a reflex to him; Anakin suspects it is, at this point. Obi-Wan’s form had always been perfect compared to Anakin’s own. Anakin was always too fast, too willing to drop form to get the job done.  _

_ Another thing Obi-Wan chastised him about that he found hard to fix. Obi-Wan spins on his heel, dropping down to a knee as he brings his arms up in an attack, where he’d have severed an enemy in half. He doesn’t even give himself a moment to catch his breath before he’s rolling out of that stance to come to a halt, jerking his hand and ‘saber in three quick jabs as he pushes himself back up to his feet.  _

_ Anakin feels his face grow hot and he quickly looks back down at the grass he’s currently trying to rip from the ground; bites the inside of his cheek. It’s stupid, the warm churning of embarrassment that blooms in his stomach. He’s  _ seen  _ Obi-Wan without his shirt on before, it’s not like this is anything new. His feelings aren’t that new either, if he cares to let himself think about it.  _

_ When he was little he’d seen Obi-Wan in this  _ light  _ that was so blinding and awe inspiring. It hadn’t been his fault it grew into something a little more tangible. But he wasn’t a kid anymore, he was seventeen, he could ignore it.  _ _   
_

_ “Anakin,” Obi-Wan’s voice snaps Anakin from his thoughts with a jerk, pulling a handful of grass with him. His mouth goes dry as he looks up at Obi-Wan, panting and backlit by the sun. It’s breathtaking. He swallows hard. _ _   
_

_ “Sorry?” Anakin asks, figuring he missed something. _ _   
_

_ “I asked if you were up for sparring. Are you alright? You were lost in your thoughts, is there something on your mind?” Obi-Wan drops a hand to his hip, glancing over Anakin. Anakin shakes his head quickly, dropping the grass in his hand as he pushes himself up. He dusts his hand off on his pants, too caught up in his thoughts to register Obi-Wan’s look of annoyance at the action.  _ _   
_

_ “ _ _ No, nothing. You ready?” _

 

  
Anakin wakes with a gasp, jerking violently against the wall, pain snapping cross his back and legs as he does. He blinks his eyes into focus, startled by his memory, by a hand on his shoulder. 

Obi-Wan draws away from him, and Anakin takes a steadying breath as he braces his hand against the bed to ground himself. Obi-Wan looks winded, how long had he been away? Obi-Wan gives him a wilting smile, more for Obi-Wan’s benefit than Anakin’s own, he suspects.    


“You fell asleep, I didn’t want to wake you.” He says matter-of-factly, but Anakin can hear the panic creeping into his voice. It’s easy to spot, with how drawn out Obi-Wan is right now. It makes Anakin’s skin crawl. Something’s wrong.    


“Then why did you?” Anakin snaps back, surprised by his own hostility - though he suspects it’s fueled by the sudden foreboding he feels, sharp and cold across his neck. Obi-Wan picks at the hem of his shirt for a moment before speaking - never a good sign.   


“I’ve found a place for us to lay low. I’ve already moved most of the essentials in, besides your cot.” Obi-Wan’s voice wavers with emotion, and Anakin narrows his eyes.  _ Why is Obi-Wan so hesitant to talk about this? What would make him apprehensive about a place to ‘lay low’?  _ Anakin can’t seem to put two and two together, finish the picture, and he grits his teeth.    


“You’re hiding something,” Anakin hisses, glaring up at Obi-Wan from under his bangs. Anakin gets it, really. He’s the prisoner - no matter what Obi-Wan says - and he’s not supposed to know things, but if Obi-Wan is keeping from him that Palpatine’s forces are trying to shoot their ship again he’s going to be pissed. Er,  _ more  _ pissed. Obi-Wan sighs, rubs a hand down his face as his whole body sags.    


“It’s - look, I didn’t want to tell you, because I knew how you’d react -”   


“ _ Obi-Wan. _ ” Anakin’s voice goes dark, and he’s fighting against himself not to yell.  _ This doesn’t feel good. _   


“We’re on Tatooine.” Obi-Wan blurts out, like ripping a bandaid from a wound. Anakin’s breath punches out of him and his entire body goes cold in fulfilled fear, growing this entire conversation to peak now. 

For a moment, he doesn’t feel anything but surprise. Shock. Cold and startling like a slap to the face and it takes him a moment to get control of himself enough to register just what Obi-Wan’s said, in full. 

_ Tatooine.  _

Fire, hot and painful cracks across his chest, makes it hard to breathe, and Anakin can’t quell the rising growl that rips from his mouth. He wants to  _ kill  _ to  _ hurt,  _ but he can’t so he grabs the pillow on his bed and chucks it at Obi-Wan’s head with as much force as he can muster, screaming. Obi-Wan’s face breaks into one of shock and fear just as the pillow collides with his chest, Obi-Wan not having time to jump out of the way.    


“You  _ motherfucker!”  _ Anakin roars, breathing coming in quickened, panicked gasps.”You utter  _ piece of shit!  _ Do you have  _ any  _ idea what you’ve done?! You cut my legs off, you collar me like a  _ slave,  _ you  _ drug me,  _ and now you bring me to the one place I’d rather  _ die than go?!  _ This entire time you’ve preached  _ love  _ and being  _ good  _ and then this? You sure do have a  _ funny  _ way of trying to get me to be ‘good’ again.” Anakin can’t  _ breathe  _ for all the  _ anger  _ that’s swelling up in his chest, and he claws at the inhibitor at his neck like a wild animal and he  _ doesn’t care.  _   


“A-Anakin,” Obi-Wan starts, takes a step forwards, and Anakin snaps his head up with a snarl, hot,  _ weak  _ tears sliding down his cheeks.    


“You shut up! Just shut up! You’re so  _ oblivious  _ to anything that matters, aren’t you? You couldn’t even tell that I had distrust in the Jedi,  _ the Council,  _ long before Palpatine showed up! And I  _ trusted you.  _ Even in all this  _ bullshit,  _ after everything that’s happened, I knew you weren’t a bad person. See, because I thought I knew you,” Anakin laughs bitterly. “I  _ trusted  _ that you were the same as you always were. But I guess you’re just as corrupt as the rest of those fuckers. I was just too blind to see it. You know what, you can die like them too for all I care. I’m  _ done  _ with your game.” 

And it breaks, just as soon as it showed up, his anger. Anakin crumples in on himself, sobbing into the hand he uses to cover his face. He feels broken. It  _ hurts  _ to be here,  _ hurts  _ just by the thought of being here. 

Everything hurts. 

The tidal wave of pain that’s been festering this entire time comes crashing down on Anakin in one fell swoop. He lost his  _ fucking  _ limbs, the force, and the one person he thought had saved him from everything had tried to  _ kill him.  _

Anakin wails pitifully, dropping his hand to wrap around his chest like it’ll hold him together even though he’s already fallen apart. There’s something inside him that aches, burns, and he’s hurting for something he can’t name. For everything he’s lost. For his mother. 

There’s a hand, on his shoulder now, and Anakin doesn’t have the will to slap Obi-Wan away.    


“Anakin, please,” Obi-Wan’s voice is warbled, he’s crying too. Anakin tries to take comfort in that but can’t get it through the onslaught of emotion he’s facing already. “I-I’m sorry, I never meant to - to… I didn’t want to hurt you, I had no choice, I - Anakin, hurting you felt like dying,  _ please, let me help you,  _ I can’t see you hurt anymore it -” Obi-Wan’s grabbing his face now, pulling him up to look at him. 

Anakin fights against him, trying to shove him off, pushes against his arm but he’s shaking too hard. He’s not got enough will power left to do it. So he’s forced to look at Obi-Wan’s face, and it feels like someone’s ripped his heart from his chest. 

Obi-Wan’s crying hard, harder than Anakin’s ever seen, and Anakin can  _ see  _ the pain written across his features as plain as day. There was a time he’d have done anything to make it go away, to  _ fix  _ whatever was broken inside Obi-Wan. 

He should revel in his hurt. Be happy he’s suffering after what’s been done to him, but he can’t seem to muster it. Instead he just sobs as his soul burns with old and new hurt. Obi-Wan’s still talking, begging him, apologizing. Anakin squeezes his eyes shut, gripping his side so hard it hurts.   


“I can’t - I can’t do this anymore, I don’t want to,” Anakin sobs, and he’s not sure what he’s talking about, really. But it’s true. He can’t. 

He’s going to break apart at this rate and nothing will be left, of Anakin or Darth Vader. 

He’s not sure which one is crying.


	25. Cold As Space

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's obi-wan's pov time
> 
> next update will be next monday!

It doesn’t fix anything, but it’s not like Obi-Wan was expecting it to. Even though he wants it to, he knows there’s much more work to happen between them both before the hurt starts to lessen. Obi-Wan can wait, can work through it with Anakin, it’s worth it. 

Though his patience doesn’t lessen the hurt  _ now _ , doesn’t make it any easier knowing what they’ve done to each other. By the time they stop crying Obi-Wan feels like he’d run a mile, piled on top of everything he’d felt until then. He’s tired, the kind of tiredness that seeps into your bones and makes the very core of you hurt. He suspects Anakin’s not much better off, if the way he’s sagging into every movement he makes is any indication. 

Obi-Wan feels bad - he’s felt bad this entire conversation, this entire week. Obi-Wan thinks guilt is going to be his close companion the next few days… years, even. Anakin hardly protests as Obi-Wan makes to carry him on his back and if Obi-Wan wasn’t privy to what’d happened before he’d have been worried. But he is, so he doesn’t question it as Anakin goes almost limp against him, only just barely holding onto Obi-Wan’s shoulder.

Obi-Wan snakes his hands around behind Anakin, securing him in place. His arms burn from the angle, but he ignores it in favor of keeping Anakin from falling. There’s something to be analyzed, in everything they’d done, everything that’d been said, but… That’s for another day, a more rested day. Right now he needs to get Anakin inside, settled, and then they need to sleep. 

When they wake up Obi-Wan can meditate, plan, figure everything out. For now he makes his way down the ramp. The air is cold, it must have dropped farther than when Obi-Wan had finished inside. Anakin is quiet as death on his back, Obi-Wan can’t tell if he’s fallen asleep or not, but that doesn’t stop the whip crack of guilt that blooms anew in his chest. It’s sickening. 

He forces it down with a deep breath and continues on to the house. He’s worried that there’s some kind of almost poetic harm being done, the first step back on Tatooine for Anakin. If they hadn’t been so drained they might have fought more. Obi-Wan’s tired of fighting. He’s always detested fighting, avoided it like the plague. Though, after Anakin, he’d done a lot more fighting than he’d ever cared for in his lifetime. 

The door to the farm house gives a screech as it opens, worn from years of abandonment, but it works good enough for now, so Obi-Wan’s not going to worry too much over it. He can always fix it later, if it decides to break. As long as no one finds them, they’ll have enough time for it later. Inside is dark - the lights aren’t working, something that  _ will  _ have to get fixed, sooner rather than later. 

The air inside is stale and old, undisturbed save for Obi-Wan earlier when he’d checked the inside. He’d cleaned up as much as he could, before his back ached too much too go any further. He’d managed to clean up the main hallway, the ‘fresher, and a bedroom, make them livable. There’s a busted window in a back room, a storeroom, Obi-Wan suspects. Sand had piled up to the point where the door wouldn’t open more than a few inches before giving up the fight.

Unless they’ll be needing it soon, he’s not going to try and clean it up or fix the window. The door keeps the sand out just fine on it’s own, he’s not worried about it. Obi-Wan carefully sets Anakin down on his own cot for now, probably more gently than necessary, but it’s hard not to treat him and the current stalemate with delicate care. Obi-Wan doesn’t want to break whatever it is they’re in right now.

He’s not sure about Anakin, but he needs it. Needs the quiet, the break from it. He doesn’t turn to look at Anakin, doesn’t want to see whatever emotion is painting his face. As much as he hopes Anakin’s done fighting with him for the night, he’s not sure of it, and Obi-Wan’s not about to kickstart another by being an idiot. A bigger idiot. He’s been doing stupid things lately.

Obi-Wan makes his way back to the door, pausing for only a second in the opening before leaving the bedroom. He takes a breath, pushing his hair back and out of his face. Obi-Wan winces as he feels the sticky wetness of his face, traces of their fight still lingering against his cheeks. He clenches his fist, closes his eyes, and lets out a long, calming breath. Okay. He opens his eyes and heads back outside, back to the ship. He needs to get Anakin’s cot, so they’ve both got a place to sleep.

He’s almost tempted to sleep in the ship, or even, in the hallway of the farm house. There’s a budding fear of sleeping in the same room as Anakin, but. He needs to keep an eye on him, his discomfort and worry be dammed. Obi-Wan shivers, rubbing his hands against his biceps, trying to seek some warmth from the cold night air. His short time on Tatooine hadn’t really prepared him for just how cold the nights could get.

He’d only ever stayed in the ship at night. It’s nowhere near as cold as space, though, so that’s a plus. A memory, muddled with emotion, comes to Obi-Wan now and he stops walking, dropping his arms to sag beside his body.

 

 

 

_ Obi-Wan never was fond of the cold, always preferred to be in more tropical climates. The cold bit at you and made every joint in your body stiff, aching. So he’s not exactly thrilled to be on a mission on a tundra planet.  _

_ There are pockets, of more warm terrain, primarily where the citizens choose to live, but they’re tasked with finding someone. A lost diplomat who’d wandered too far from his guide and had gotten lost in a storm. Obi-Wan’s not foolish enough to expect him to still be alive, though he does hope the diplomat is.  _

_ He just knows better than to let himself be surprised if they find a dead body instead of a lost, scared man. Obi-Wan slips a little, the snow giving way to ice for a moment, and he barely catches himself at the last second - just managing to stay upright.  _

_ He sighs. There’s another thing he hates about the cold. It’s dangerous.  _

_ “Master,” Anakin calls, and Obi-Wan turns to look at him. He’s still a few feet back, but he’s slowly making his way through the snow. Anakin looks entirely out of his element.  _

_ “Are you alright?”  _ _   
_

_ “Quite fine, Anakin. Just found a patch of black ice, it’d seem.” Obi-Wan reassures him with a smile, but doesn’t turn to start walking again. Instead he waits until Anakin catches up to him. They’re both in fairly heavy winter gear, and in it Anakin looks uncomfortable.  _

_ He keeps adjusting it, pulling on the sleeves and scarf like they’re strangling him. Obi-Wan gives him a pitying look and stills his hand, still pulling harshly at the scarf around his neck. Anakin makes a face, caught between annoyance and exhaustion, and Obi-Wan puts a hand behind his back to lead him forwards through the patch of ice. Anakin, to Obi-Wan’s surprise, doesn’t protest it.  _

_ They walk for a few more miles, looking out on the vast emptiness of the area. There’s been no sign of the diplomat. No tracks, nothing. There’s been no snowfall since his disappearance, through the blizzard most likely covered up his tracks - unless he’d been fool enough to keep walking  _ during  _ the storm, which, was insane, to say the least. Obi-Wan stops, panting heavily, resting a hand on his hip.  _

_ The days not nearly done, and Obi-Wan knows that the Council won’t be too pleased if they give up now. Besides, there is still a chance the diplomat is alive, and Obi-Wan doesn’t want to risk his death for too long of a rest. Obi-Wan’s stomach growls angrily and he sighs. He turns, question on the tip of his tongue, just in time to see Anakin drop into the snow like a limp sack of potatoes.  _

_ Panic churns in the pit of his stomach, and, calling out his name, Obi-Wan frantically makes his way back to Anakin. He’d not seen why Anakin had fallen - it could be anything from a patch of ice to an life threatening injury, and Obi-Wan frantically  _ yanks  _ at their bond for something from Anakin.  _

_ What he gets is more worrying than watching him fall. There’s a weak, quiet acknowledgement of Obi-Wan’s panic, but beyond that? Anakin’s silent. Obi-Wan drops to his knees beside Anakin when he reaches him, grabbing him under his arms to bodily turn him over so he can see his face. Anakin’s eyes are closed, and his breathing is fast and stuttered, and it’s then that Obi-Wan spots the shiver.  _

_ It’s more of a shake really, and he feels it before he sees it. Anakin’s shaking like a leaf, face pale beyond the bright red of his flush, and Obi-Wan drags him up onto his lap. He needs to keep Anakin off of the snow as much as he can. Obi-Wan’s still too winded to carry him yet, but he can at least minimize the contact with the freezing ground.  _ _   
_

_ “ _ _ Anakin,” Obi-Wan says, voice shaking almost as much as Anakin is. He puts his gloved hands against Anakin’s cheeks, lightly tapping his face, trying to get him to come to. It takes a long, horrifying moment, before Anakin’s eyes slide open. He makes a huffing breath, trying to drag himself up closer to Obi-Wan, and that’s when Obi-Wan  _ really _ knows something wrong.  _ _   
_

_ “Anakin, can you hear me?”  _ _   
_

_ “Y-Yeah, I can - I can hear you,” Anakin’s voice is stuttered, halting as more shivers wracked his body. Obi-Wan is, at the least of it, relieved that Anakin’s conscious and relatively coherent.  _

_ Obi-Wan sucks in a deep breath, rubbing his hands against Anakin’s arms, trying to warm him. Anakin, in turn, makes a cut off pained noise and pushes his face against Obi-Wan’s stomach, grabbing his arm hard enough to bruise; Obi-Wan wincing against it.  _ _   
_

_ “ ‘S really c-cold,” Anakin grits out, teeth clenched, and Obi-Wan mentally slaps himself. He should have kept a better eye on Anakin. He should have made him wear more gear. Obi-Wan bites his lip, worrying it between his teeth.  _

_ They need to find the diplomat, but Anakin is in no shape to continue. And the ever rising risk of hypothermia… Obi-Wan takes a deep breath, reaching into his coat pocket for the transmitter they were given to signal their extraction. He doesn’t even hesitate before pushing it, setting it on the unbroken surface of the snow to their left.  _ _   
_

_ “ _ _ Anakin, come here, we need to keep you warm,” Obi-Wan grabs Anakin again, this time dragging Anakin so he’s sitting in his lap, head nestled against the crook of his neck.  _

_ Obi-Wan snakes his arms around the shivering form of his padawan, resting his cheek against Anakin’s forehead. Like this the only part of Anakin touching the ground, the snow, are his feet and maybe his ankles, the rest of him is tucked against Obi-Wan. Anakin shivers violently, tucking his arms between their chests. Obi-Wan shushes him, rubbing Anakin’s back and arms with renewed vigor. _ _   
_

_ “S-Sorry, Mast-Master,” Anakin gets out, and Obi-Wan feels guilt from their bond. He shakes his head. _ _   
_

_ “Not your fault, Anakin, it’s mine. I neglected to take into account you intolerance for cold weather. I should have left you at base or on the ship.”  _ _   
_

_ “I’d never have let - let you, Master.” Anakin laughs, and Obi-Wan can’t help the chuckle that erupts unbidden from his chest. _

 

 

 

Obi-Wan stares hard at the stars, head tipped back to look at them. They never did find the diplomat. More search parties had been sent out while Obi-Wan had stayed with Anakin, keeping an eye on him as he recovered.

The Council hadn’t, as he’d suspected, been particularly pleased. Obi-Wan suspects it might have had something to do with him stopping for Anakin. If it’d been a different padawan… maybe they wouldn’t have been so harsh. The Council had always been a little too strict with Anakin.

Obi-Wan closes his eyes, sighing. He guesses most of the Council is dead now. He looks back to the ship, and wills himself to move, to get the cot. It’s a faster walk with the cot than it had been with Anakin, though that could be partly because it’s cold and Obi-Wan doesn’t want to be outside much longer.

When he gets back inside he hesitates, for a moment, before going into the bedroom. Worries they’ll fight again. He doesn’t think he could handle it. His worry is short lived, though, as when he does manage to force himself inside he sees Anakin, laying on his side facing Obi-Wan, fast asleep.

Obi-Wan sighs a breath of relief, setting up the cot. He doesn’t bother trying to move Anakin back to his cot. He doesn’t want to wake him.


	26. Oil On Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> anakin's pov  
> getting some of that gay shit
> 
> also im not going to update again until after christmas! ik it's a bit of a wait but i've got to focus on other things this month : P

It’s the morning light that wakes him. Anakin squints his eyes, wincing. The bright ray of sunlight is seeping through the window, directly hitting him in the face; warm and painful and much too bright. He groans, pushing himself to roll over onto his stomach, though it’s a little difficult. He finally manages, just barely, pressing his face into - with a deep breath Anakin’s mind reels in confusion. _This pillow smells like_ -

A loud, sharp crash echoes from outside the room, and Anakin startles hard, panic spilling cold into his stomach. He pushes himself up onto his forearm, craning his neck to look behind himself at the door. There’s a long, tense moment of silence that follows. Anakin can feel a cold sweat start to form on his brow, his arm shaking with the effort of keeping himself up. 

“Blast,” Comes Obi-Wan’s voice, sharp and annoyed, and Anakin lets himself drop back onto the bed with a relieved huff of breath. Right. So, not under some kind of attack or raid. Good to know. Anakin pulls his arm out from under himself, head turned away from the window, pushing his hair up out of his face. His hand gets caught in the tangled mess of his it and he growls, yanking hard to try and dislodge it.

His hand come out with a few strands of hair along with it, sharp stinging pain biting his scalp in it’s wake. Anakin glares at his hand for a good minute before letting it drop back against the cot. Anakin sighs. He’d never liked leaving his arm open to the elements, too much chance it’d get stuck in something - like his hair. He stares hard at the wall in front of himself.

Anakin can still hear Obi-Wan, muttering to himself about something. With the noises coming from the other room Anakin can only assume he’s cleaning up. It hadn’t slipped his notice last night when they came in how clean the hallway and bedrooms were. He supposes that’s what Obi-Wan had been doing, before he’d come back and woken Anakin. Before…

Anakin closes his eyes against the hurt rising anew, a flame in his chest. It’s not nearly as debilitating to his judgment this time, but it still brings an angry flush to his face. He’d been torn open last night, made vulnerable, open.

_Showed his weakness._ Anakin can’t help but wonder, _what if Obi-Wan did that on purpose? What if he took me here to see what’d happen? See if I’d break?_ Anakin clenches his fist in the ugly, cheap fabric of his blanket.

If Obi-Wan _was_ trying to get him to fall apart, he’d succeeded with flying colors. But _why_ would Obi-Wan want to pull him apart? It doesn’t make sense, but Anakin can’t stop himself from thinking it.

_“He’s not your friend, Anakin. He’s using you. Always has been. He wants what you have.”_ _  
_

Anakin flinches hard as Palpatine’s voice hisses, a reminder of what’d he’d said to Anakin not that long ago. It’d almost been a mantra for Palpatine, repeated over and _over_ across the years. Anakin hadn’t believed him at first. How could he? Obi-Wan had trained him when no one else would, Obi-Wan had _been there_ when no one else cared to be.

And Anakin had been supposed to believe he was _jealous of him?_ Anakin’s still not sure it’s true. There were times when Palpatine’s words had almost seemed to come to life, proven themselves before his eyes, but never this. Sure, there were times Anakin had _thought_ he’d seen something, but had he ever really?

In light of Palpatine’s recent attempt at killing Anakin, he’s not sure. A lie becomes truth if repeated enough, after all. _Had anything else he’d told me been a lie?_ Anakin’s mind supplies, panicked and _oh so guilty._ Anakin has to shove that line of thought as far back in his mind as he can.

No.

There had to be a reason Palpatine tried to take their ship down. There _had_ to be. Anakin rolls himself over onto his back, glaring at the ceiling. Now wasn’t the time for doubts. This was how he got pulled out of his ideals, back to the light side of the force. The door slides open, screeching with effort, just barely giving Anakin enough time to prepare himself before Obi-Wan comes in.

Obi-Wan stops dead in his tracks, mouth dropping open in surprise. He’s holding a thick black bag, where he’d gotten it Anakin’s not sure. Obi-Wan’s filthy, sand and dirt and sweat covering him in a dirty coating, his hair wild and falling into his face.

His clothes aren’t any better, darkened from working. Anakin can’t help but find the sight amusing. Obi-Wan had always hated getting dirty, loathed it. He’d never seen how Anakin could work on his machines if it meant he’d get covered in grease.

 

 

 

_Anakin had jumped at the chance to pull apart the droid, grinning ear to ear that this time Obi-Wan couldn’t tell him no. This time it was crucial to the mission. Of course, Anakin could let someone else, someone specifically qualified to do it, but where was the fun in that? He doubted he’d get another chance like this anytime soon. Obi-Wan, however, wasn’t pleased. He sat, legs crossed, reading a book in the middle of the couch._

_Anakin was at his feet, having set up in the living room long before Obi-Wan had decided he wanted to sit there. Anakin_ had _cleared a path for him to get to the couch, though, so there was that._

_Anakin shoved his hand down into the chest plate of the robot, reaching for a tangle of wiring. He was in elbow deep by the time Obi-Wan sighed, drawing Anakin’s attention up to him._ _Obi-Wan’s eyes were still trained on the book, but it was clear he wasn’t reading it anymore._ _  
_

_“I don’t know how you can do that, Anakin. And you’ve made such a_ mess _,” Obi-Wan’s voice is tight with annoyance, distaste, but he’s not angry, so Anakin doesn’t try to hide his amusement when he speaks._ _  
_

_“I’m sorry, Master. I’ll be sure to clean up when I’m done.” Anakin laughs, quietly, but Obi-Wan still hears it and rolls his eyes._ _  
_

_“_ _You’d better, or you’ll be doing a hundred pushups extra next training session.” Obi-Wan says, earning a pout from Anakin. Anakin fights the urge to protest, instead turning his attention back to the droid - thought he doesn’t look away from his master. Anakin grabs a fuse, pulling on it cautiously to see if it would give easily._

_After a few seconds of careful tugging Anakin grips it hard and pulls, the fuse letting go of the droid’s innards with a hissing pop. Obi-Wan flinches at the noise, but still doesn’t look at Anakin. Something about that makes Anakin frown. He’s not sure_ why, _but he feels a rising urge to make Obi-Wan look at him. Draw his attention from the book in his hands. Anakin purses his lips, pulling his hand out of the droid to put the fuse in his ever growing pile of robotic innards._

_As he does his eyes snap to his hand, skin almost entirely covered in black grease. He makes sure to keep it away from his clothes, the carpet. He might not have a proble_ _m with it, but Obi-Wan does. He doesn’t want to know how many pushups he’d have to do if he managed to get it on - Anakin blinks, mouth dropping open as an idea pops into his head. It’s a terrible idea, really._

_No doubt he’s going to get into trouble but the bubbling of denied recognition is still coiling tight in his stomach and he turns to Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan’s still looking at the book, seemingly reading it again, and Anakin presses his mouth into a thin line as he decides._

_Anakin blows his hair out of his face, standing up and moving over to Obi-Wan. He bends down, arms behind his back, looking at the book like he’s interested in it. Obi-Wan’s eyes snap up for a second, eyebrow raising before he looks back down to the book._ _  
_

_“Yes, Anakin?”_ _  
_

_“What’re you reading, Master?” Anakin asks, mock-curiosity in his voice, and he slams down hard on his mental shields so Obi-Wan doesn’t feel the mixture of_ jelousyanticipationamusement _that’s rolling around in him. Obi-Wan makes a little startled noise, before holding the book up at a better angle for Anakin to read the cover._ _  
_

_“A history book, if you must know. I doubt you’d be interested.”_ _  
_

_“Oh, I don’t know, Master,” Anakin hums, taking a step closer. Obi-Wan’s still not looking at him, dammit. “It seems interesting enough to me.” And with that Anakin reaches his ungloved hand out for the book, forcing down the wicked smile that tries to rise to his face. He manages to get his index finger on the cover of the book before, with whip-fast reaction, Obi-Wan’s grabbed his wrist._ _  
_

_“Anakin, don’t you dare.” Obi-Wan’s voice is sharp, a warning, before he realizes his mistake and lets Anakin’s hand go to make a disgusted noise. His hand is now thoroughly covered in grease. Anakin_ does _smile this time, moving to stand between Obi-Wan’s legs._ _  
_

_“I’m_ so _sorry, Master, I wasn’t thinking,” He reaches for Obi-Wan’s hand again. “Let me get that for you.”_ _  
_

_“Anakin-” Obi-Wan starts, dropping his book to his lap in favor of grabbing Anakin’s wrist with his_ other _hand, pulling his dirtied one as far from Anakin’s grasp as he can. Obi-Wan winces when he realizes his mistake. Anakin’s mouth drops open in fake shock, before he grins again._ _  
_

_“Master, you’ve getting dirty.”_ _  
_

_“And_ you’re _doing this on purpose, Padawan!” Obi-Wan hisses, glaring at Anakin now._ _  
_

_“I am_ not!” _Anakin denies, scoffing. “I was just trying to help!” Anakin uses his other hand to reach for where Obi-Wan’s holding him, and Obi-Wan makes a noise and lets go and pulls away from him in one swift move. Anakin grins._ _  
_

_“Master, I think there’s something on your face.”_ _  
_

_“Don’t you dare.”_ _  
_

_“Let me get it for you,” Anakin moves the same second Obi-Wan does, and Anakin ends up with both his wrists being held by Obi-Wan’s own as he tries to reach for Obi-Wan’s face. The wrestle for a bit, Obi-Wan’s book falling to the floor, his place lost._

_Obi-Wan makes an annoyed grunt, eyes dropping back down to the book. Anakin jumps at his distraction, managing to reach forward enough to run three of his fingers down over Obi-Wan’s right cheek, laughing at the gasp that elicits._ _  
_

_“You horrible boy,” Obi-Wan scolds, but he’s laughing now too, and butterflies are in Anakin’s stomach now, a blush rising to his face. “It is_ on.” _And that’s all the warning Anakin gets before Obi-Wan yanks him down forwards, onto his lap, Anakin squeaking in surprise._ _  
_

_“Master,” Anakin gasps, startled, his flush darkening considerable until - Obi-Wan drops his hands and_ smears _grease across Anakin’s face, laughing._ _  
_

_“Don’t start things you aren’t prepared to finish, Anakin.” Obi-Wan laughs, full and breathy, and Anakin gapes down at him._ _  
_

_“You-” Anakin cuts himself off, grinning. “You asked for this.” And he’s reaching for Obi-Wan’s face, Obi-Wan moving to grab his wrists._

 

 

 

Anakin blinks, startled by the memory. He wasn’t… expecting that.  How old had he been then? Eighteen, twenty? He’d grown his hair out, it was before he’d been made a Knight. Anakin can’t even remember what the mission had been about. He looks at the floor silently. _Why did he have to remember that now?_

“Are you hungry?” Obi-Wan asks, snapping Anakin out of his thoughts, looking up from the floor at Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan’s not looking at him, instead choosing to pick at his fingernails. There’s dirt under them, Anakin can see.

“Yes,” He replies quietly.


	27. Four Letter Lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im baaaaaack ayy  
> obi-wan POV

Obi-Wan gets the rations ready in the same dreadful silence he’d worked through when he’d been cleaning. He’d put everything but the medical droid and the blasters in the bedroom - easier to get them there, better than keeping them in the hallway. Obi-Wan peels open a rations packet, dumping its contents onto the outcropping in the wall where the bed would normally go - if there was a bed left here, that was. 

He feels Anakin’s eyes on him as he works, boring into the back of his head. But anytime Obi-Wan turns around Anakin’s looking at the window or the floor, or inspecting his hand with hyperfocus. Obi-Wan ignores the itch to turn and look, again. Instead he opens up the second rations packet and works on getting them edible. Though, if it was Obi-Wan’s choice, he’d never eat these rations again. He’d had more than enough during the Clone Wars for a lifetime. 

He’s going to need to get  _ real  _ food, soon. Obi-Wan grabs Anakin’s food and his own, taking a breath before turning back around. This time he  _ does  _ catch Anakin looking at him, and it stops him dead in his tracks. They both freeze, staring at each other with an unwavering gaze. Obi-Wan swallows hard, finally the first to break eye contact.   


“Here,” Obi-Wan says, handing the food across the distance. Anakin takes it from him without so much as a word, settling back against the wall of the house. Obi-Wan stands there for a minute, looking between Anakin and the window for a long moment. Finally he makes himself turn and sit down on his cot. Obi-Wan’s stomach clenches on a wave of anxiety, nervousness setting in at being in a room with an awake Anakin. He can’t get Anakin’s words out of his head.    


 

_ “You can die like them.” _ _   
_

_ “I trusted you.” _ _   
_

_ “You’re oblivious to anything that matters.” _ _   
_

 

Obi-Wan takes a bite of his food to stamp down the rising urge to flee, burning sting of unshed tears against his eyes. He thinks what hurts most is the fact that Anakin’s right. He  _ had  _ been oblivious to it all. He couldn’t see what was happening because he loved Anakin too much. Obi-Wan wanted so badly for Anakin to be okay, to be happy, that he couldn’t see that Palpatine had tainted his mind. 

Obi-Wan’s not even sure when that snake of a man had started feeding Anakin lies. It could have been days before he’d turned to the dark side, or it could have been from the moment Anakin and Palpatine had met. Obi-Wan turns to look out the window. There a small sand dune had formed against the glass, blocking out half of it. Obi-Wan would have to clear that lest it grown and bury the entire window. 

Too much weight and the glass would crack, eventually break. Even though the window was  _ built  _ for pressure, it as old and worn, Obi-Wan doubted it could handle much more. He turns back away from the window, and subsequently back to facing Anakin. Anakin’s slowly picking pieces from his food, looking at them like they’re rotten, before eating them. 

Obi-Wan sometimes forgets Anakin hates rations just as much as he does, if not more. He can’t help the chuckle that escapes him, watching Anakin pick apart his meal. Anakin looks up, eyes narrowing, and Obi-Wan swallows hard.    


“What’s so funny?” Anakin asks, raising an eyebrow.    


“Nothing,” Obi-Wan replies quickly, turning back to his meal. Anakin scoffs, though, dragging Obi-Wan’s attention back up.   


“Bullshit. You laughed.”   


“It’s just…” Obi-Wan pauses, looking over Anakin. A small, weak smile spreads across his face. “You really hate that, don’t you?” Obi-Wan gestures to the rations. Anakin blinks, seemingly startled, before he looks down at his food. He shrugs.   


“It tastes like someone mixed sand and piss, Obi-Wan, of course I hate it.” Anakin’s giving his food this  _ look  _ and Obi-Wan can’t help laughing again. Anakin glances up at him from under his eyelashes, face a mix of bewilderment and something Obi-Wan can’t place. Obi-Wan clears his throat, and they fall back into silence for a long time. It’s tense, and heavy, bearing down on Obi-Wan like a hundred pounds. Finally, he looks up at him.   


“I’m sorry.”   


“For laughing?” Anakin asks skeptically.   


“For everything,” Obi-Wan’s chest constricts painfully; he’s never meant anything as much as he does this. Obi-Wan takes a deep breath. “You didn’t deserve any of this. Not what I did to you, not what you’ve been through, all of it. If I could take it all back I would-”   


“But you can’t.” Anakin cuts him off, and when Obi-Wan looks to him his eyes are cold and dark, his voice equally so. “You hurt me in ways that I don’t think even existed before you did them, and I hurt you just as badly. It’s done and we can’t take them back.”   


“No,” Obi-Wan swallows, looking down again. “No we can’t. But…” Obi-Wan pauses, cocking his head as he takes a slow, calming breath. After a minute he turns back to Anakin.   


“ _ But _ . That doesn’t mean we can’t try to fix this.”   


“Fix  _ what?”  _ Anakin scoffs, setting his plate down beside him. “If you haven’t noticed, Obi-Wan, we’ve not exactly got anything going for us. We’re  _ enemies.  _ Or did you forget that?”   


“We didn’t used to be.” Obi-Wan says, sadly. “We don’t  _ have  _ to be.” 

They lapse into silence for a moment. It’s thick and vibrating with emotion. Obi-Wan sets his own plate to the side, dropping his head into his hands with a drawn out groan. He can hear the startled intake of breath from Anakin as he does. He needs  _ so badly  _ for Anakin to just understand him. He  _ has  _ to break through to his thick-headed  ~~former~~ padawan. 

“I don’t want to be your enemy, Anakin.” Obi-Wan admits quietly, voice tight. Anakin shifts on his cot, Obi-Wan can hear the metal of his arm creaking as he clenches his fist.    


“ Why do you care so much about us? About what we are to each other?” Anakin seems - he sounds confused,  _ really  _ confused. Obi-Wan looks up at him in between his fingers. 

“You never seemed to care this much  _ before.” _ _   
_

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan sighs, pushing his hair out of his face. He closes his eyes against the raw emotion he can feel swirling in him. Tears, again, sting unshed against his eyes. 

“Anakin, I’ve always cared this much. I’ve always cared  _ too  _ much.” He had, hadn’t he? He’d become  _ attached.  _ He was a failure of a Jedi. A hypocrite. 

“Why?” Anakin sounds so  _ lost.  _ Obi-Wan looks up at him, a sad smile now, not reaching his eyes. 

“Because I love you, Anakin, that’s why.”


	28. Two Steps Forwards, One Step Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> anakin POV
> 
> im back at it again with that gay shit

It’s like someone’s punched him in the gut. All the air leaves Anakin in a wheeze, his eyes blown wide. It shouldn’t be surprising, Obi-Wan’s said it before. 

_ “I loved you, Anakin!” _

Past tense, done. As in, didn’t love him  _ anymore.  _

But he’s just said it, hasn’t he? It doesn’t change anything, except that it  _ does.  _ The ground seems to have shifted on its axis, Anakin feels dizzy. He has to grip the blanket under him to steady himself, squeezing his eyes shut hard. 

_ He cut off your limbs Anakin, you should hate him,  _ he tells himself, bitterly.  _ He’s loved me this whole time?  _ Is the thought that decides to stick. 

There’s something about it being said  _ now  _ that hits hard, makes everything they’d done together before come into a different light. It’s painful in a way Anakin can’t explain. Like he’s lost something important, a nostalgic ache - but it burns like a wound. 

And the way Obi-Wan’s said it. So sure of himself and guilty. Obi-Wan’s a firm believer in what the Jedi stand for, always has been. Sure he’s bent the rules but he’s never  _ broken them,  _ not like this. 

_ Attachment.  _ Love of any one thing, calling it your own, coveting. Sins in the eyes of the Council, the  _ code.  _ And yet here Obi-Wan is, poster boy of the Jedi, admitting in not so many words that he’s broken one of the most strict codes of the order. It makes something inside Anakin burn and he laughs with it, running his hand over his face. 

Obi-Wan’s stuck between staring at the floor and looking at Anakin, going back and forth with this  _ expression  _ that just makes Anakin laugh harder. It’s so  _ stupid.  _ All of this. 

A part of Anakin wants to ignore what’s been said, treat it like a joke. It’d be easier, he thinks, if he ignored whatever it was Obi-Wan was trying to get him to understand. It’s the part of him that doesn’t realize what Obi-Wan’s said, not in full. 

The other part of Anakin already knows, already realizes the implications and has read the emotion plainly across Obi-Wan’s features like an open book. 

That’s the part of him he’s afraid of. Obi-Wan’s never been physically open. He always seemed so calm, never giving anything away beyond that sly smile of his. Anakin had always taken his apparent calmness for detachment, for not caring. 

It was hard to let himself realize what it actually was. That Obi-Wan had been holding himself like a statue  _ because  _ he felt,  _ because  _ he cared. Anakin sighs, high and full of bitter amusement, finally settling his eyes on Obi-Wan.    


“You’re a little late.” Anakin says, voice far more sour than he feels. Or, maybe he does feel it. He just can’t recognize it anymore. He’s been angry for almost all of his life, it’s almost become second nature to him. 

It felt better to be angry than to cry or to admit he was weak. Obi-Wan’s mouth drops open, on what Anakin doesn’t know because he closes it again before he manages to form words. There’s that spark of flame growing in his chest again, and he growls, stoking it instead of letting it die. 

“You were so caught up in what was right by the code you failed to think what would be right for me. Do you have any idea the impact it would have had if you’d  _ told  _ me? I felt  _ so much _ and my entire life you and every other Jedi told me how  _ wrong  _ I was for it. How  _ bad  _ I was. How I was a  _ failure,  _ I was supposed to be the chosen one after all, I surely could control my  _ emotions?”  _ Anakin snorts, shaking his head. Obi-Wan looks like he’s been struck.  _ Good.  _   


“I-I thought--”   


“You thought what?” Anakin snaps. Obi-Wan lifts his head up and stares at him. Anakin can’t bear to see the regret painted on his face and he turns away.   


“I  _ thought  _ I was doing what was best for you, Anakin. I was trying to pull away when I knew you couldn’t do it yourself. I  _ knew  _ about you and Padme, I’ve know for a long time, but I thought if I let you have her you’d be able to control yourself better. Maybe you’d learn you couldn’t keep it a secret and you’d stop. Maybe you’d feel better and be happier, and I could live with that lie if it meant you were okay, Anakin.”   


“Some good that did.” Anakin burns with shame at hearing her name. He knows what he did. He’d put his storm of emotions off on Padme because he couldn’t get  ~~Obi-Wan~~ someone else to take them, and he’d fallen into something like love along the way. But he’d killed her without even a  _ second  _ of hesitation. Anakin feels sick. He was a monster and deserved  _ so much.  _ They were enemies. It was better than being friends. 

“So you really think it would have been better if I admitted to it, then?” Obi-Wan raises from the cot, glaring at Anakin for all he’s worth. It’s almost impressive. “You were already struggling so much, Anakin! You almost  _ never  _ listened to me! You’d probably have just taken it as another excuse to get away with  _ everything!!”  _

_ “It would have made me feel normal!”  _ Anakin screams back, rising up as much as his body will allow. “It would have made me feel like I wasn’t  _ alone,  _ like I wasn’t some failure! I would have felt like you  _ cared  _ and weren’t just some emotionally hollow  _ shell!”  _ And just as fast as Obi-Wan had stood up, he slumps back down onto the cot. 

Anakin falls back too, sighing heavily. There’s a heavy beat of silence, Obi-Wan looking beaten and Anakin feeling strung out. Finally he sighs, dropping his head back against the wall heavily. 

“I’m not going to be friends with you, Obi-Wan. I’m not going to pretend that nothing's happened. Just because you cared about me or thought I was some kind of family to you won’t change anything. The Jedi still deserved to burn.” 

_ That’s right,  _ Anakin thinks to himself, with a painful hurt growing in his chest.  _ Nothing’s changed, nothing’s different. I’m still his enemy. He’s still mine. Even if it could have been different.  _

_ But it’s not.  _

_ Nothing has changed. _


	29. Uncertain Understanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan POV
> 
> a little heads up: I've got another long obikin fic im working on at the moment, and i'm just thinking of the best time to post it - so if you're interested be on the lookout for that in the future!

Obi-Wan leaves the room without saying anything else. His chest aches, emotion boiling high and climbing up the back of his throat. Anakin doesn't say anything, either, as Obi-Wan stands and leaves. Part of Obi-Wan wants him to say something. To call out to him, perhaps. The other part of him wants to be as far away from Anakin as he can be.  He's not sure which one is the one that's hurting so much. Obi-Wan collapses against the hallway wall as soon as he's out of eyesight of Anakin and lets out a strangled breath. 

_ What did I just tell him?!  _ Obi-Wan felt his heart hammering away with sudden regret, so sour and pungent it almost strangled him.  _ I shouldn't have said that.  _ He shouldn't have. It wasn't what needed to be said, but it felt  _ right  _ in the moment. Felt  _ good  _ to say when he'd said it, but now he felt… he felt confused, and guilty, ashamed,  _ hurt.  _ The Force swirled around him in answer to his distress, both a comfort and a burn on his already flayed mind. Frantically he repeated the Jedi code to himself, squeezing his eyes shut.   


“There is no emotion, there is peace.”   


_ My chest aches with hurt. _

“There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.”   


_ I don’t know what to do. _   


“There is no passion, there is serenity.”

_ I _ _ love him. _

“There is no chaos, there is harmony.”   


_ It’s all gone. _

“There is no death, there is the Force.”

_ Everyone’s dead. _

_ This isn’t working,  _ Obi-Wan hissed out a strained breath, pushing himself up from the wall. He needed to meditate. Obi-Wan moved jerkily, towards the living room - he hadn’t cleaned it fully yet, had only managed half before Anakin had woken up. But there was an old, stone bench built into the wall and he made his way for it. He dropped down onto it, crossing his legs and letting his hands rest on his knees.

Obi-Wan took a steadying breath, closing his eyes again as he let his body relax. Let the Force flow into him freely and unbound, his consciousness drifting. His heart beat slowed, calm, his breathing evening out from his earlier frantic state. Slowly, and  _ oh-so carefully _ Obi-Wan began to dissect his emotions, addressing them all in turn.

Strongest of all was the  _ hurt _ he felt. He'd felt hurt and  _ betrayed _ since the recording of Anakin, when he first saw how truly far he'd fallen. And  _ guilt  _ for being ignorant, and not seeing what Anakin had become sooner. For not protecting him like he was supposed to, for being blinded by  _ love.  _

He  _ loved  _ Anakin, more than anything else in the world, more than  _ himself _ .  _ He shouldn’t love Anakin like this. Regret  _ so strong it suffocated him because he loved Anakin when he should be indifferent. Coveting, want. More than just  _ friendship _ . He might have kept Anakin at arms length, kept himself from letting his love take over, but at the same time his love was what had kept him from seeing what Anakin had become. He’d loved him too much to see.  He'd failed as a Jedi, the one thing that made him up, his whole identity. 

_ He'd failed himself.  _

The last thought Obi-Wan had as he drifted back to himself slowly was a strong, bitter hiss in his mind,  _ I don’t deserve to be a Jedi. _ He felt clearer, when he was finally back, a sense of understanding coming from the meditation. But everything was the same, he hadn't solved some big riddle. 

He understood himself better, perhaps, but the path to… redemption? Peace? What did he want anymore? All the Jedi were gone, everyone was dead or dying, and all Obi-Wan could do was stand here and let himself become weak to his emotions. Everything that had happened was because Obi-Wan was weak and unskilled as a Jedi. If he'd been more skilled,  _ better _ , like Qui-Gon, or Master Yoda, Anakin wouldn't have fallen. 

_ I should feel ashamed to call myself a Jedi.  _ The thought rises back up, pungent as when he thought it a moment ago. Anger burned hot through Obi-Wan and he slammed his fist down against the stone under him, frustrated.  _ Useless.  _ Then, as quickly as it came, he sighed, slumping with defeat and exhaustion. It didn't matter what he called himself. It was over. Everything was gone and nothing was left. 

“Nothing but us,” Obi-Wan whispered aloud, pulling himself straighter. Obi-Wan pushed his sleeves up and, letting out a silent prayer into the Force - about what, he didn't even know - Obi-Wan set himself back to work cleaning. Better than to sit here and wallow in self-pity more than he already had. 

Make himself useful in the present and forget when he'd been anything but in the past. One thing Obi-Wan had always been good at was centering himself in the now, keeping his mind off other things until the time was right. He didn't know when he would have to think more about himself, what he was to do, but that was something to come later. Right now he had to make the house livable. 

Obi-Wan started in the living room again, working without stopping for a good few hours. Probably not the best for his physical well being, but it kept his mind clear and kept him busy. Finally, though, Obi-Wan did stop - as much as he didn’t want to be around Anakin right now, he had to make sure he was okay. Obi-Wan dusted his hands off on his pants, taking a deep breath, before he made his way back to the bedroom. 

For a moment, he was tempted to knock. He wasn’t sure why. Maybe prepare Anakin for what was to happen? Maybe for the change of getting an excuse not to go in. But he didn’t. Obi-Wan stepped inside, holding his breath for a long, agonizing moment. Anakin was laying back on the bed, arm draped over his face and giving no indication that he was awake. 

Obi-Wan let out the breath he was holding. Anakin being asleep meant he could check up on him without having to talk to him. Obi-Wan shouldn’t fear it as much as he did, but he couldn’t help the burning anxiety that swelled up in him anytime he was near Anakin.    


“What?” Anakin hissed out, startling Obi-Wan.    


“I thought you were asleep,” Obi-Wan answers simply, running a hand through his hair nervously. “My apologies if I woke you.”   


“What do you want?” Comes Anakin’s curt response, and Obi-Wan narrows his eyes. Anakin still hadn’t moved his arm from his face, and his entire body was stiff. Rigid, like he was straining against something. Obi-Wan took a step forwards.   


“Are you in pain?” He questioned softly, Anakin's body jerking in instinctive response. “Let met get you some medici-”   


“No!” Anakin roared, bitter venom dripping through his mouth. “I’d rather go through pain a thousand times worse than this than get drugged again, do you understand me?” Anakin finally pulled his arm down, glowering at Obi-Wan from the bed. Though,  he didn’t feel intimidated. All Obi-Wan could feel was pity and guilt. It was his fault in the first place that Anakin was hurting, he had to do something. Obi-Wan moved to the bed, kneeling down beside it.   


“Alright, then let me do this instead.” Obi-Wan reached his hand out, palm up, offering. They’d done this a hundred times before, healing each other - never anything massive, but in battle sometimes the medics died and they were left alone and hurt. It wasn’t an instant cure, and it wouldn’t get Anakin’s limbs back, but at the very least Obi-Wan could alleviate his pain. 

Anakin stared at him hard, eyes calculating. Thinking it through. After a moment Anakin pushed himself up into a sitting position, staring down at Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan didn’t move, just kept his hand out. Again, Anakin just stared at him. Thinking. Silently, Obi-Wan pleaded,  _ let me do this for you.  _ If the Force inhibitor hadn’t been on Anakin he’d have sent it through their bond. 

Anakin moved his bandaged, stump of an arm towards Obi-Wan’s hand and very slowly let it rest in his palm. Obi-Wan let out a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding and moved so he was sitting more comfortably on the floor. With his other hand Obi-Wan caged Anakin’s arm in his hands, Anakin hissing and wincing away from the touch. Obi-Wan gave him an apologetic look before he closed his eyes, focusing on healing his wounds. 

 

 

_ “Anakin, stop fidgeting,” Obi-Wan chastises, not opening his eyes. Beside him Anakin makes a disgruntled noise and shifts.  _

_ “I’m not.” _ _   
_

_ “Yes you are.” Obi-Wan takes in a calming breath, Anakin scoffing from beside him. There was scepticism and annoyance seeping through their bond even though Anakin’s shields were still up. He must be really annoyed, then.  _ _   
_

_ “How would you know?” Anakin asks, leaning closer to Obi-Wan. “Your eyes are closed.” _ _   
_

_ “I can hear you moving around, padawan.” Obi-Wan tells him simply, and Anakin makes another noise of disbelief.  _ _   
_

_ “What? You can’t hear me moving around. Not with the noise of everyone sparring, like  _ we  _ should be. I want to actually  _ train,  _ Obi-Wan.” Anakin growls indignantly, crossing his arms over his chest. Obi-Wan sighs, letting his posture slip into a more relaxed state and he finally opens his eyes, looking to Anakin over his shoulder. Anakin is glaring at him, though it falls flat - Obi-Wan can’t feel threatened by a fifteen year old.  _ _   
_

_ “We  _ are  _ training, padawan.” Obi-Wan tells him, keeping his voice level and patient even though he feels stressed out. He’d been on edge for the entire day, hence the meditation. Might as well kill two birds with one stone, as the saying went. “We’re training our minds.” _ _   
_

_ “What?” Anakin raises an eyebrow and laughs. “This again? Ugh, whatever. I’m going to go train with everyone else.” _ _   
_

_ “Anakin-” Obi-Wan starts, moving to grab Anakin’s wrist. Anakin, pulls away easily, too far out of reach for Obi-Wan to grab him. Anakin points to the group of other padawans training across the room. _ _   
_

_ “Look, Master. Everyone else is training while we’re sitting here like a couple of-” Anakin slips into Hutt, letting slip a word Obi-Wan didn’t recognize but could tell from the tone Anakin used it in that it wasn’t very nice. “-when we could be actually doing something. I’m not going to keep doing this, it’s stupid.” And Anakin turns and runs off towards the other padawans, who greet him warmly.  _

_ Obi-Wan turns towards them, shoulders sagging as he watches Anakin fall into step with them. Jealousy spikes up in him, unwarranted, as he watches Anakin smile unbidden with the others. Obi-Wan frowns. Again, like the rest of the day, his emotions were getting away from him. What was he jealous of?  _

_ He should stand up and make Anakin do a hundred pushups as punishment for running off like he had, then work on meditation training with him. But… the way Anakin seemed to be genuinely happy training with the others, Obi-Wan couldn’t manage to do it. Training like everyone else seemed to make Anakin happy, where working with Obi-Wan… made him upset.  _

I think I want that,  _ Obi-Wan’s mind supplies helpfully.  _ I want to make him feel welcomed and not apart from the rest.  _ Obi-Wan sighed, a pang of sorrow filling him. He’d let Anakin train with everyone else, for today. Focus on his own training, work on his mental shields, try and get himself back into balance.  _

_ It was his own fault Anakin had to train like he had been today, because Obi-Wan was out of sync with the Force. He’d talk about Anakin disobeying later.  _

 

 

The memory fades as Obi-Wan drifts out of his healing meditation, his eyes opening slowly and coming into focus on Anakin’s face. Anakin’s eyes are still closed, but he’s not wincing in pain anymore. His face is slack and calm. Obi-Wan studies his face for a moment. 

Back then, Obi-Wan had been trying to be Qui-Gon, had been trying to do everything perfectly. But at the same time, he was in the most turmoil and often let Anakin get away with things he probably shouldn’t have let him. It wasn’t until they were older, Anakin nearing eighteen, that they finally fell into balance with each other. 

Obi-Wan stopped trying to be Qui-Gon, his guilt of his death eased (but never vanished) and Anakin stopped trying to push Obi-Wan away, and they saw each other as individuals. Maybe it meant something that they finally fell into their own balance the same time as the Clone Wars started.  Maybe it means something that they fell out of it when a new war started. Obi-Wan pulls his hand away just as Anakin opens his eyes, clearing his throat and standing up.    


“You should rest,” Obi-Wan tells him, turning to leave.    


“Obi-Wan-” Anakin calls to him, just as he reaches the door, and Obi-Wan freezes. Anakin makes a strained noise, before coughing. “Nevermind.”   


“Rest.” Obi-Wan says, chest aching as he leaves the room. 


	30. Noises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anakin POV
> 
>  
> 
> Next chapter is going to be fairly important to the plot!

Anakin doesn’t think Obi-Wan meant to share the memory with him. Things like that tended to happen when one shared a meditation. If Anakin had been able to touch the Force, he’d have been able to shut it out. But he wasn’t, and he’d seen the same scene Obi-Wan had - but for the first time he saw it from Obi-Wan’s point of view. Saw it through his eyes, with his emotions. 

Back then Anakin had been sure Obi-Wan was punishing him for something. Something that he refused to tell Anakin about, no less. That’s why he’d been so ready to run off. He hadn’t known what he was in trouble for and figured if Obi-Wan wouldn’t tell him then he didn’t need to be punished. That’s what he’d thought, anyway. 

He’s not sure why that specific memory is what Obi-Wan was thinking of - for all Anakin knows it could have just been conjured up from the back of his mind for no reason at all. Or, there might be a point to it.  _ Or I’m overthinking this,  _ Anakin tells himself, scowling at the wall across from him. At the very least the incessant pain from before has dulled to a tolerable throb. 

Anakin can handle pain - he could have kept going in the pain he had been in before, but Obi-Wan had offered and Anakin hadn’t been able to think of an excuse to refuse him. Anakin sighed and leaned back against the wall, eyes trailing over once again to the window. He can tell instantly what time of day it is - midday, he must have lost track of time clouded by pain. 

He supposes the things he’d learned here before he left hadn’t ever left him, even though he’d tried his hardest to forget everything about Tatooine. Anakin hadn’t ever been able to escape it before, why start now? Absently, his hand trails up to the collar on his neck, along with the rising urge to  _ rip it off.  _

He’d already tried that - albeit delirious with emotion, but it hadn’t worked then so it wasn’t going to work now. Anger burns in him suddenly, at the reminder of the collar, and he jerks his hand away sharply. He doesn’t want to think about it. He doesn’t want to think about  _ anything,  _ but he can’t get his mind to shut off. 

He’d  _ never  _ been able to. There was always noise, always a storm inside his mind - it only ever quieted when he did something. Anakin used to think it was the dark side, calling to him. But now, after… everything, he’s not sure anymore. Because he’d succumbed to it already, and yet the noise was louder than ever before. 

Thoughts and feelings were building up in him, tangled together and messy, and Anakin couldn’t even begin to know how to start pulling them apart. Even if he wanted to meditate, it’d never worked before. Probably partly because he’d always been horrible at it, but. No. It wasn’t going to help him. He needed to  _ do  _ something. 

Anakin looks down at his arm, flexing his fingers. He couldn’t even go to the bathroom by himself, how the  _ hell  _ was he supposed to do something to distract himself from…  _ himself?  _ He was almost tempted to call out to Obi-Wan, to ask him to get him something to  _ do.  _ The image of Obi-Wan returning, though, sent a cold spike of  _ something  _ down his back and was enough to keep him from calling out again. Anakin glared down at his legs for a moment, before letting his body slide back down onto the cot haphazardly. 

_ Useless. _ _   
_

Anakin growled and turned over onto his stomach.

_ Worse than when you lost your arm, now you’re really not good for anything. _

“Shut up,” Anakin whispered vehemently, pulling his arm underneath himself.     


_ Good for nothing, weak, worthless, worthless, worthlessworthlessworthlessworthless- _

Anakin pushed himself up with his arm, muscles straining as he tried to hold his body up with just the one arm alone. It was almost a pushup, but for his lower half staying firmly against the cot. Anakin let himself drop back down, before pushing himself back up - this time straightening his back, angling his - _ what was left of his _ \- legs down into the bed in attempt to keep himself up longer. His legs burned with pain, the healing wounds flaring up now that he was pressing onto them. Anakin ignored it and lowered himself back down. 

_ Stupid. _ _   
_

Up.

_ Broken. _

Down.

_ Coward. _

Up.

_ Trash. _ _   
_

Down.

For every word, every vicious thing his mind spat at him Anakin did a pushup. Any time he thought about his mother, he did a pushup. Any time he felt guilt for those he’d killed, or hurt, he did a pushup, until he dropped down onto the cot, exhausted. His mind, though, was blissfully silent. 

 

 

_ “Anakin,” His mother called, back to him as she stood at the kitchen sink. “It’s not nice to stare.” Anakin flushed, averting his eyes from Qui-Gon who sat across from him at the table.  _ _   
_

_ “Sorry.” He murmured, but didn’t feel entirely sorry at all. Qui-Gon laughed and shook his head, eyes turning to Anakin’s mother.  _ _   
_

_ “It’s alright. He’s got a lot of questions, I’m sure.” Qui-Gon said, and Anakin snapped his head to his mother, nodding frantically. She was looking at him now, half turned towards them. She hummed, pulling her hands from the sink to dry them off on her robes.  _

_ “I don’t want him to be a bother,” She started, and Anakin jumped up from his seat at the table.  _

_ “I won't be! I promise! If he doesn’t like the question he can just ignore it,” Anakin declared, turning back to Qui-Gon. “Right?” _ _   
_

_ “Of course,” Qui-Gon answered, and Anakin could almost swear he smirked. Shmi sighed, tapping her fingers against the counter for a moment before waving at them both. _ _   
_

_ “Alright then, but be quick about it. You need to sleep.”  _ _   
_

_ “Alright!” Anakin shouted, excitement welling up inside him as he grabbed his chair and dragged it over closer to Qui-Gon. Qui-Gon gave his mother a smile before turning back to Anakin. _ _   
_

_ “What would you like to know?” _ _   
_

_ “How many Jedi are there?” Anakin asked, crossing his arms atop the table. Qui-Gon nodded his head. _ _   
_

_ “Quite a few.” _ _   
_

_ “Were you always a Jedi?”  _ _   
_

_ “No.” _ _   
_

_ “You look pretty old,” Anakin said, before he could filter himself. He winced, realizing his mistake just as his mother shouted a curse behind him in Hutt. _ _   
_

_ “You can’t just say that, Ani!” _ _   
_

_ “Sorry,” Anakin said, feeling a  _ little  _ bad this time. Qui-Gon, though, seemed unaffected by what he’d said and simply waved his mothers worry off with his hand. _ _   
_

_ “It’s alright, he’s just curious.” Anakin nodded in agreement, but his mother was already turning towards him, closing the distance between them. She grabbed Anakin’s shoulders, guiding him down from the chair. _ _   
_

_ “I think it’s time for bed, come.” She said, ushering Anakin away. Anakin looked back over his shoulder at Qui-Gon, pouting as he was lead away. His mom let his shoulders go only when they got to his room, and Anakin sullenly went to his bed.  _ _   
_

_ “Don’t be like that, Ani,” She said softly, following him as he went. Anakin sat down on the edge of his bed, crossing his arms petulantly. He knew he was being a brat but he couldn’t help himself. _ _   
_

_ “I didn’t mean anything by it.” Anakin protested as his mom slipped his shoes from his feet. “I was just asking!” _ _   
_

_ “I know, Ani, but you have to be more conscious of what you say. Someday you might say something in curiosity, completely innocent, and someone else could be hurt by it.” She grabbed his face between her hands, smiling softly. “You’re a good boy,  _ _ Anakin. I know you don’t mean to be rude. Just make sure you think of how other people will feel about things you might want to say.” _ _   
_

_ “Okay,” Anakin huffed, letting his arms drop down to his sides. Shmi smile widened, and she kissed him hard on the forehead. Anakin grunted, laughing as he pushed her away. _ _   
_

_ “Sleep well, my love.” _

 

 

Anakin closed his eyes just as tears managed to make their way out. 


	31. Mysterious Ways

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan POV
> 
>  
> 
> This took me a while to write as I was trying to get it right Hopefully from here the plot will start really picking up if everything goes as planned!

The next few days go relatively the same: Obi-Wan spending almost all of his time cleaning, stopping only to eat and tend to Anakin, and Anakin - well, Obi-Wan isn’t sure what he does. He tries to give Anakin as big of a berth as he can. 

There’s not exactly anything Anakin can really  _ do,  _ considering, anyway. All things considered their relationship falls into a sort of semi-stable rut. They didn’t talk more than necessary, and thus neither of them said something… they’d regret. Anakin didn’t curse Obi-Wan out, didn’t tell him how horrible he was, and Obi-Wan didn’t try and tell Anakin he loved him again. It works. Or, it was working. 

Obi-Wan knows something will change eventually, but he takes it as a moment for a break. To get his thoughts together. Or, at least  _ try  _ to get his thoughts together. He’d never exactly been the best at emotions. 

When Obi-Wan wakes up on the sixth day, however, he can immediately tell something is different. He doesn’t know  _ what  _ it is, but it sets him on edge immediately and he sits up carefully. Across from him Anakin is asleep, and probably will be for a while longer, and nothing  _ looks  _ out of place. But Obi-Wan’s been around long enough to know not to ignore feelings like this. 

He stands from the cot, slipping his shoes on, and goes to inspect the rest of the house. He goes through each room, clean and dirty, and even checks the one full of sand. Obi-Wan finds nothing. Still though, even with that confirmation, the feeling doesn’t disappear and he frowns. 

It’s almost like the feeling is just enough to make him aware that it’s  _ there  _ but any time he seeks it out it skirts around the edges of his mind to avoid being located. Obi-Wan checks the house three more times, his frustration building with each pass, and by the time he comes back to the bedroom Anakin is sitting up and blinking the sleep out of his eyes. 

Obi-Wan looks Anakin over - checking him, trying to make sure he wasn’t somehow the cause of the feeling. He didn’t sense anything from Anakin - _ no signature, no presence, he was essentially dead -  _ and he crossed his arms over his chest in annoyance.  _ What am I feeling? _   


“What?” Anakin’s voice cut through his thoughts, and when Obi-Wan looked back to him Anakin was looking at him like he’d grown two heads.    


“Something feels different today.” Obi-Wan responds immediately, before he can check himself. He winces. “It’s - it’s probably nothing. Don’t worry about it.”    


“I wasn’t going to anyway,” Anakin says, and even though his words are sure his voice is taking on a slightly worrisome tone. 

“I’ll go get breakfast,” Obi-Wan says, clearing his throat as he turned on his heel and left the room. And Obi-Wan manages to ignore the feeling for the most part, occasionally checking one of the rooms to see if he somehow - unlikely - missed something. 

After breakfast Obi-Wan gets back to cleaning and tries to return to the routine he’d been able to settle into the last few days. It feels different, though. By the time lunch rolls around Obi-Wan has cleaned another room and counted their supplies twice. He’s going to need to go into town soon and resupply, see about getting something other than rations - some actual food. 

And,  _ maybe, _ get Anakin a prosthetic. Obi-Wan hasn’t really thought about what he’s going to do when he gets Anakin prosthetics. If Obi-Wan gets him both his legs and his arm he’s  _ sure  _ Anakin will try to kill him by the end of the day, but. Maybe he can just start out on one arm? 

At the very least Anakin would be able to take care of himself better. Part of him is scared about doing it but it’d be cruel to deny it. After all, it was Obi-Wan’s fault he lost his arm and legs in the first place. Obi-Wan sighs and rests his head against the wall. He’s so confused. And lost. 

All his life he’d followed orders - sure, he made decisions on his own a lot, but when it came down to it he was always aiming for a goal. Some mission.  _ Something.  _ Being a Jedi had been everything, fighting for the betterment of the galaxy. Now there’s no one to give him a job, no one for him to fight - just himself and Anakin and a galaxy of people trying to kill them. He couldn’t do this on his own anymore. He needed help.   


“Anything I can do?” Comes a sudden voice directly behind him and Obi-Wan jumps immediately and has his ‘saber drawn before he even consciously registers doing so. There’s no one around, but the feeling from earlier is stronger than ever and he can almost  _ taste  _ the Force on his tongue like rain it’s hanging so heavy in the air around him.  _ Am I… going insane?  _   


“I should think not,” The voice says again, this time to his left, and again when Obi-Wan turns there’s no one there. There’s an almost familiar spike in the Force, though, and Obi-Wan squints. What or whoever this was could feel or  _ see  _ what he was thinking, that much was clear. 

_ They’re also invisible and teleporting around the room, Obi-Wan, logical thinking isn’t helping.  _ Part of Obi-Wan says, and he has to take a breath to steady himself, this could be a potential  _ threat  _ for Force’s sake, he needs to get ahold of himself.    


“I’m not a threat, Obi-Wan.” The voice says again, behind him once more and - and this time when he turns there’s actually someone standing there. Or…  _ part  _ of someone standing there. They’re  _ blue  _ and  _ glowing  _ and  _ see through  _ and -    


“I’ll admit, it  _ is  _ a rather odd look on me.”    


\- and Obi-Wan can’t breathe suddenly because  _ Qui-Gon  _ is standing there, whatever  _ there  _ is and Obi-Wan’s shaking so hard he has to turn his ‘saber off in fear of dropping it while lit. Qui-Gon moves closer to him, but his eyes are trained on the room around them, inspecting it. He’s transparent and blue, but it’s Qui-Gon alright, right down to his shoes.    


“Master?” Obi-Wan chokes out, and he can feel the shock subsiding and the  _ sadness  _ welling up in him, all the hurt that had built up over the years since Qui-Gon’s death and for all the years that he’s lived he suddenly feels like he’s sixteen again and watching his master die. 

“Oh, I’m not your master anymore, Obi-Wan. You’re far too old to be my padawan. And you’re a knight now, anyway.”   


“Is this some kind of trick?” Obi-Wan manages, placing his ‘saber back into his belt, and finally Qui-Gon looks at him. He looks sympathetic and he takes a step closer to Obi-Wan.    


“No, Obi-Wan, this isn’t a trick. I’m here. Maybe not in the physical, but here nonetheless.” 

_ “How?”  _ Obi-Wan says it like he’s being punched in the chest, all the air leaving him, and Qui-Gon smiles, moving around the room like a ghost. 

“The Force is mysterious, Obi-Wan, but is strong.”    


“The Force…? The Force is… manifesting you?” Obi-Wan has to sit down. He needs to sit down. Right now. He manages to make it to the bench before collapsing onto it, gripping the edge until his knuckles go white.    


“You  _ could  _ say it that way, I suppose.” Qui-Gon says thoughtfully, and Obi-Wan has to take a deep breath to steady himself. He squeezes his eyes shut tight, breathing out slowly, shakily. 

“You're dead,” Obi-Wan says without opening his eyes, more to reassure himself than anything else. He  _ knows  _ Qui-Gon is dead but he  _ doesn't  _ know how he's here. 

He's not alive, but he's here? Talking to him,  _ hell,  _ Obi-Wan can  _ feel his Force signature.  _ As clear and real as the day be died. Obi-Wan'd never forget it. He finally looks up at Qui-Gon, biting his lip against the surge in his emotions.  _ And here I thought I'd managed to get myself balanced again.  _

“You are dead, aren't you? This isn't some… revival? Because that goes against  _ everything  _ I believe - everything I  _ thought  _  I believed in, because if you are somehow back from the dead I-”

“Obi-Wan,  _ Obi-Wan,  _ calm yourself.” Qui-Gon raises his hand, taking a step closer to Obi-Wan. “I'm not back from the dead. I'm here, I'm not alive. It's… it's hard to explain, Obi-Wan. But I am  _ with  _ the Force, and I  _ am  _ the Force.” 

Obi-Wan stands up with a huff of breath, exasperated and confused all at once. He walks to the other side of the room, running his hand through his hair frantically, trying to understand  _ anything _ . Qui-Gon  _ was  _ the Force? Sure, the Force worked through all of them, but they  _ weren’t  _ the Force. 

“Obi-Wan,” Anakin calls from the other room, making Obi-Wan jump, startled. “Are you seriously talking to yourself?” 

“I'm-” Obi-Wan starts, looks to Qui-Gon for a moment, before sighing. “Just thinking aloud, Anakin.” 

“Skywalker?” Qui-Gon asks, and when Obi-Wan looks back at him there's plain shock and disbelief on his face. “He's alive?” 

Right. Anakin felt essentially dead to the Force. Qui-Gon wouldn’t know.

“Force inhibitor. To hide him from Palpatine.” Obi-Wan says, shoulders sagging as he puts his hand to his forehead. “It's a long story.”

“A Force inhibitor? That’s-”   


“Severely traumatizing to Force users, who knows what it’ll do to Anakin with how sensitive he is.” Obi-Wan says, cutting Qui-Gon off. “I didn’t want to do it. But if I thought he wouldn’t kill me the moment I took it off, I’d be the first one running to get it off of him.”   


“Obi-Wan, we thought he was dead.”

“We?” Obi-Wan narrows his eyes on Qui-Gon, walking back towards the bench. 

“Everyone in the Force. I can't explain it in so many words, but you must understand I mean no I'll will. To you  _ or  _ Anakin.” 

“I'm sorry, M - Qui-Gon. Everything is  _ wrong  _ and I haven't been myself. I can't - I don't know what to do and Anakin hates me, the Jedi are gone, and there's no one I can talk to.” Obi-Wan confesses, shifting his weight from foot to foot.

“I'm here, Obi-Wan. And I'll talk with you  _ anytime _ you need it. I can't say if this is why I've come back, but I know that I'm to help you. And I'll do that anyway I can.” Qui-Gon gives Obi-Wan a look, one he was very familiar with when he was a Padawan. 

It was this half-pitying look that meant Qui-Gon felt for him, but couldn't fix things. Like when twelve year old Obi-Wan disobeyed the council's orders and he'd been given numerous chores, Qui-Gon had felt for him, but he couldn't really help. Just offer someone to talk to and tea at the end of the day. 

Obi-Wan laughs suddenly, struck by a wave of anxious sadness and bitter humor. His life was upside down and the Force sends his dead master to help him? It was some kind of cruel irony. Obi-Wan goes to say something, but just as he's about to Anakin shouts at him again. 

“Well if you're done with ‘thinking aloud’, I'd at least like to have lunch something today. Preferably soon.” Anakin sounds less than pleased, and Obi-Wan can almost see him rolling his eyes. Qui-Gon moves to stand beside him, raising an eyebrow as he looks down at Obi-Wan. 

“Is he always this friendly?”

“Always,” Obi-Wan laughs despite himself, shaking his head. He hadn’t even realized how late in the day it had gotten, but when he looks to the window he can see the suns have moved considerably since he last looked. He moves to make for the food stores, before he stops and turns, looking back to Qui-Gon.  _ What if he isn’t here when he gets back…? _

“I'll return, Obi-Wan.” He says, smiling, and Obi-Wan lets out a sigh of relief. 

“Yes, of course. We'll talk then about…”

“About anything that needs discussing.” Qui-Gon answers, and Obi-Wan laughs again. 

“Of course.”


	32. Selflessness' Extreme

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan POV
> 
>  
> 
> Obi-Wan finally has a long needed conversation.

As soon as he and Anakin have eaten Obi-Wan excuses himself, rushing back into the main room. He doesn't immediately see or feel Qui-Gon, and for a startlingly bleak moment he thinks it was a dream. That he'd somehow imagined it all from stress. That he really _was_ going crazy.

“Let's speak outside, so we don't confuse young Skywalker further.” Comes Qui-Gon’s voice from all around him, making Obi-Wan jump at it's suddenness. All thoughts of it being a dream or a hallucination die in a second.

Obi-Wan instinctively goes to respond, but snaps his mouth closed at the last minute, glancing sideways at the bedroom. Best not to make Anakin think Obi-Wan's lost it entirely by trying to respond verbally, Qui-Gon’s right. He nods silently, making his way outside.

The light blinds him for a moment and he has to blink spots from his eyes, raising his hand against it. The air is dry and hot, even for this time of day, and he's greatful the house is casting some shade on him right now. Obi-Wan takes a deep breath, smells dirt and rock around him, and then he senses Qui-Gon's presence beside him.

“This planet has a sort of rugged beauty to it,” Qui-Gon says, and when Obi-Wan turns his head to look Qui-Gon has his gaze fixed on the horizon, looking peaceful. Obi-Wan hates it and he doesn't know why.

“I find myself increasingly indifferent to it as time goes on. Perhaps Anakin’s rubbed off some of his hate here on to me.” Obi-Wan replies, crossing his arms over his chest. His eyes skirt around the land, looking at the sand dunes like he’s expecting to see something beautiful there. He doesn’t.

“I don't think there's a bone in your body capable of true hatred, Obi-Wan.” Qui-Gon says it like he's revealed a long hidden secret. “All your life there's been things to hate, ample and more often than not reasonable excuse to. And yet, here you are.”

“I'm pretty sure I hate Darth Maul,” Obi-Wan says dryly before he can stop himself, wincing as soon as it's out of his mouth. “Sorry.”

“Don't be. Still, though, I don't think you truly hate him. Not really. You don’t like him, but hate, no.” Qui-Gon says with a soft laugh, and Obi-Wan frowns. He’s pretty sure he hates him. At least, he _thinks_ he does. He wonders if Qui-Gon is somehow right.

“I’m pretty sure I hate him,” Obi-Wan says, before sighing, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’ve accumulated hate these last years and it's grown now, after everything. I can’t let it go like I'm supposed to. I couldn't let… I couldn't do what needed to be done, when the time came.” The image of Anakin screaming as his legs engulf in flames springs to Obi-Wan's mind and he can't seem to push it down fast enough. A pause, no sound but the wind and Obi-Wan's breath.

“Neither could I, if you remember.” Qui-Gon eventually responds, causing Obi-Wan to look at him again. He can't seem to read his expression. “It was left to my Padawan to defeat a Sith. I let you down.”

“I think there's a difference in being bested in combat and being the catalyst for the fall of the Jedi order, Master.”

“You blame yourself,” A statement, not a question. Obi-Wan looks away again. “What use is placing blame when it's already done?”

“What use-?” Obi-Wan starts, frustrated. He takes a step away, running a hand angrily through his hair. “If not for _my_ failings as a Master the Jedi would still exist and the greatest Force user to date wouldn't be a _Sith_ that I _kidnapped!”_ Obi-Wan shouts, throwing his hands up in the air.

“Who is to say this isn't what was meant to happen?” Qui-Gon turns to look at the horizon again.

“How is it better to assume the Force planned for me to fail the Jedi, break the code, train a Sith, and run away when it got too much to handle?” Obi-Wan asks with a self-deprecating laugh. The floodgates have opened now and he can’t stop himself from talking, from saying the first thing that comes to mind. Part of him wonders if Qui-Gon had intended this from the start.

“Is it punishment you seek, Obi-Wan? Atonement for wrongs that have been committed?”

“Someone has to be held accountable.” Obi-Wan runs a hand through his hair, starting to pace back and forth. Qui-Gon remains motionless, as if he were a statue. It only serves to unnerve him more.

“Then why not Anakin? Is he not to blame, did he not fall to the dark and wreak havoc on the Jedi order?” Qui-Gon asks, and hot, red anger flares up in Obi-Wan, not unsimilar to Anakin’s own rage, and he whirls around to face Qui-Gon.

“He was mislead! Palpatine poisoned his mind!” Obi-Wan shouts. Qui-Gon turns to look at him, expression calm, cool, detached. _Is this what I’m like to Anakin?_ Is a sudden thought that springs up, but Obi-Wan forces it down before he can even begin to dissect it.

“Then why not Palpatine be held responsible?”

“He wouldn't have had the chance to turn Anakin if I'd done my job. _I_ failed Anakin, the Jedi.” Obi-Wan hisses.

“Then it is guilt that holds you to craving punishment.” Qui-Gon concludes, “Whether or not you are at fault here, you feel as if you are, and need some way to atone for it.” Obi-Wan is silent.

Qui-Gon’s face finally shifts to one of pity, of remorse, and he walks - floats - to Obi-Wan. He raises a hand and goes to place it on Obi-Wan’s shoulder,  and while Obi-Wan can’t _feel_ any physical thing he can almost sense it in the Force that seems to swirl around Qui-Gon.

“Haven’t you suffered enough, Obi-Wan? Haven’t you been _punished_ enough? I think,” Qui-Gon pauses, looking up at the sky for a moment before turning his gaze back to Obi-Wan. “I think it’s about time you take care of yourself, instead of others.”

Obi-Wan’s breath catches and his shoulders slump, lowering his eyes to the ground. Lets what Qui-Gon’s said sink in for a moment. He realizes, now, that he’s never even considered that. Never stopped to think about himself.

Because that’s what he’d been taught, hadn’t it? To think outward, never inward. Selfless, always, else he fall the the dark side. Obi-Wan glances back up at Qui-Gon, brows knitted and confusion tight in his chest.

“Are we not supposed to be selfless in all things?” He asks softly. “If I were to worry about myself, now, when there’s so much that needs to be fixed, to be set right-”

“You’ll wither away into nothing.” Qui-Gon interrupts him. He sighs, dropping his arm again to his side. “Obi-Wan, after a battle, if you are wounded, what do you do?”

“Treat my wounds.”

“I’m not asking you to ignore the greater good. I’m asking you to treat your wounds and recover, so that you may do those greater things. If you insist on punishment, after you’ve suffered so much already, you will break. You won’t be able to help anyone. You won’t be able to help Anakin.” Qui-Gon inclines his head, catching Obi-Wan’s eye. “Do you understand?”

“Yes,” Obi-Wan says quietly. And he does. He doesn’t particularly agree with it, still feels as if he should somehow atone, but. He understands.

Qui-Gon turns then, looking back out towards the horizon. Obi-Wan looks now, too, taking a deep, steadying breath. He feels, for the first time since this all started, at ease.


End file.
